To be so upset about work

[Mums1234]

I work on a separate floor in work and other staff four people are downstairs. This week two incidents have really upset me:

1. I was locked in and staff went home. I was forgotten about
2. A colleague was leaving and originally a table in a restaurant was booked (in work time) but she cancelled and instead a chinese was ordered. My food was brought up to me and everyone else ate downstairs. I was shocked and upset so I walked out of work and sat in the park. Really kind strangers stopped to ask if i was ok.

These aren't isolated incidents by the way

I’m so sorry OP this sounds horrible.

I don’t know any reasons but could you look for something else? You spend too much time at work to have your self esteem affected like this.

Big and for you as you sound lovely x

It’s affecting you badly it seems, so can you look for another job.

I was just wondering though, if it’s got to the point where the others think you don’t want to join them, or are wary of asking. They got Chinese for you and brought it up to you. Maybe they thought you’d prefer to eat upstairs,

If not, you need to find somewhere more supportive.

The locking in probably wouldn’t bother me too much.

You said you walk by them to leave so you must usually leave sooner?

The food thing - did they think you were working? Did you go down to join them?

You said you’ve been off before from being ostracized. By the same people?

Sorry you’re feeling bad.

The first incident - clearly an accident. Unless you have reason to believe it was malicious.

The second incident - if they'd brought the food up to you presumably they thought you weren't coming down. Why on earth didn't you go and join them when the food arrived?

If they bought food up to you then they obviously wanted to include you, is there a reason you felt you couldn't go down to join them or indeed a reason why they would bring it up rather than presume you would go down?

Were you included in the initial restaurant booking?

If they bought food up to you then they obviously wanted to include you

This was my thought too. If they were trying exclude you, wouldn't they have just not ordered you for at all?

What's that nature of your work; are you the only one in your department? Why are you on the floor alone?

Being locked in is a health and safety issue. Tell facilities and HR.

We need more info about the second one. Were you told that you were meant to eat alone? Were you booked in at the restaurant? Why were you not invited to the Christmas party and what happened about it? (did you speak to anyone about it etc).

@ScarletBitch is off again!!

Are you the boss?

If not that’s not very nice. I’d look elsewhere for work.

Do you know the reason you are being ostracised? I'm guessing you're part time as you said you walk past the others when you finish....is it Part-timer resentment?? Sounds ridiculous but I once worked at a place that hated part timers with a passion and it was well known!
Anyone returning from mat leave and going PT suddenly found their roles changed to such an extent (i.e all the best bits of their original jobs had gone)they usually ended up resigning.

I sit with a team that ignore me persistently. They refuse to train me because 'they don't get anything in return', they organise going out for lunch each day and don't ask me to join them, organise nights/meals out without me etc etc.
It can be hard to deal with but you have limited choices: you either stand up to them, report them to management or just join them for lunch etc or go with my choice which is to think 'fuck them' and ignore them as much as they ignore you. Don't let them make you miserable.

Jesus, what, that’s awful!

Why are they like that?? Can’t you speak to someone?

Is that you, Teresa?

If they’re bringing you food the they’re not ostracising you or being rude? Surely you could have just joined them?

I’d be more offended if they didn’t bring me any food and I was left out.

Re. the food being brought up - it depends on how it was done. If someone came up said, 'here's your food' then turned on their heel and walked away, then I can see why OP felt she was being snubbed.

Actually, thinking about it, I disagree with the others sayign they were including you by bringing the food up. Surely the sensible thing to do would have been to phone you and say 'the food is here' so you coudl come and join them. Or send soemone up to get you so you could join them. But actually carrying your food up is weird. Why carry it up if that just means it will have to be carried down again.

I think OP's instinct is right on this.

We may never know...

I work somewhere like this - 3 out of my team of 5 never speak to me unless it's work related, but are very chummy with each other. The wider team (and our TL) are fine but I don't have much to do with them on a day to day basis.

It's really difficult to do anything about it so you have my sympathy. I have worked for decades in many different departments and I'm a friendly person and have never experienced anything like this before so I know it's them, not me.

Is moving jobs an option?

sounds like my job. I need a new one

Have you written about these people before, OP? They are so horrible - if I were you I'd leave as soon as I could.

The two incidents alone can be reasoned away, if they are isolated occurrences. But the op has said there are more examples.

If it’s part of an ongoing pattern, then being forgotten about and locked in a building would be upsetting.

If you’ve been off work due to this why have Hr/ occ health let them isolate you further by having you work alone.

The food incident sounds odd. Do you feel that perhaps your colleagues are just paying lip service to including you, presumably hr have highlighted your issues to mgt, hence them serving you your takeaway to eat alone.

I just think some workplaces are just not a good fit for us, it’s not personal we just don’t gel, so sometimes its best to look for a new job with different people.

Ok, so once the person left, why didn't you get a chance to move downstairs ? Did you always work upstairs - ie as a new person in a new job, were you just left on your own upstairs?? Why don't they take turns at being upstairs or split the team 2 - 3 instead of 1 - 4? Unfortunately I know those questions don't help fix your problem now, but I can tell you that most workplaces don't treat their staff like that, so it could be worth looking for a new job and asking at the interview what their induction process consists of... whether you'll be part of a team etc

Why do you have to sit on a different floor to everyone else?

It seems like you'd be better off moving jobs, starting afresh, and investing in rebuilding any of the confidence/self-esteem you've lost from this job. I appreciate that's easier said than done, but this situation doesn't sound like it will solve itself and nor is it serving you. Vote with your feet!

OP I hope you are okay but more info is needed to help us support and advise you

why are you not working on the same floor as them? could you ask to be moved to the same floor to aid workplace relationships?

Why didn't you join them downstairs for the chinese? The fact you didn't makes me wonder if you are giving the impression you don't want to socialise with them?

Do you have any special needs OP? (I have some myself that makes socialising difficult)

There was a similar thread a while back. I can’t remember the outcome, or if it’s the same op. Helpful.

You’re welcome.