AIBU to think hairdressers just do what they like?

[Worriedwart18]

I have tried numerous hairdressers in the past 30 years. It seems to never ever go the way I want it to.

I'm not saying colour because that's obviously dependant on your own hair but I'm talking about the cut.

Numerous times I ask for something and get very little done to my hair. Are they just scared in case I don't like it and play it safe or do they just stick to current trends?

I've tried big chains such as RUSH, Toni & Guy etc as well as smaller local hairdressers. I've paid upwards of £75 for a cut and as little as £20 but still makes no difference.

Last week I asked for lots of layers to be put into my hair which is currently past shoulder length. I'm lucky that my hair is thick, straight-ish and grows really quickly. I told her I'm sure at first the layers may look a little short but in a month or so I will get the look I desire..

(Even showed pictures!)

So she cut ONE layer into my hair and fussed about with my fringe. Now I know I should have said something but she was a lovely girl (like they mostly are) so I paid and scurried out. Again it's my fault and I do it every time.

Now I have to find another hairdresser. This happens all the time or they tend to say they will straighten it/blow dry it/curl it to take the emphasis off what I've actually asked for.

Maybe it's just my luck but I've tried so many different hairdressers in my area and I'm running out of options.

I know this isn't a first world problem but AIBU to just want it cut like I've asked? Or is it me?

The only time it's been cut nice was when a friend's girlfriend from LA came to the UK for a month and offered to cut my hair for a small fee. She works in a top salon in LA. She cut it, dried it and then cut it again to get the desired look.

Sadly her and my friend broke up not long after so can't get my hair cut by her again nor can I afford a trip out to LA.

I'm not high maintenance I'm just a mum who likes to treat herself to a haircut 2 or 3 times a year.

TIA.

[ooooohbetty]

No I've very rarely found a hairdresser that doesn't do as I ask. Perhaps you're not explaining yourself very well?

[PlainSpeakingStraightTalking]

2 or 3 times a year ?

Most hair dressers want to get the feel of your hair after a couple of cuts before any big changes take place. TBH 2 or 3 times a year, you aren't looking after your hair, it should be cut monthly, 6 weeks at worst. You're going into reasonably middle branded chain salons asking them to make possibly a significant change, which they know you wont maintain.

[MenuPlant]

IME Toni and Guy seem to have a secret current style sheet with I don't know 5 cuts or something and whatever you ask for you get one of them!

I went to salons for years now have friend of a friend who does home hairdressing is super cheap and she is really good and listens to what I want, advises what will / won't work with my hair / be high maintenance etc

Maybe ask around? Do you have kids? Most parents seem to use home hairdressers I had no idea this even existed until I had kids myself ! (sheltered!)

[steff13]

That's not been my experience, no. 1 layer must look rather odd. When I get my hair cut (also layers) she always shows me where the layers are.

[Hollowvictory]

I get mine cut every 7 weeks. If you're only cutting your hair a couple times a year it perhaps is in poor condition and that's why it's then difficult to achieve what you want. Also I tend to stick with the same stylist, you build a relationship with them and they know what you want.

[MenuPlant]

Meh to other replies

When I had long hair when I was young I definitely didn't need it cut every month, what a waste of money! Not looking after it indeed :D

Now I am middle aged and have short hair yes it needs cutting every month.

I really dislike this one size fits all - knee jerk attack on ops like this OH you don't look after yourself you old sloven obviously it's all your own fault

NOPE loads of salons ignore what you say although in my case they were always trying to do complicated things when I wanted to leave it as it was.

[Worriedwart18]

But why would I need to if I'm growing my hair out?

The hairdresser even stated that I should come back every 3 months not monthly or 6 weekly?

My hair isn't dyed, I never straighten it, use protection on it at home and products on it. It's in really good condition. Nor do I have split ends.

[MenuPlant]

Nah ignore them.

I had beautiful hair when I was young it was long and in great nick, all shiny. Didn't need it cut very often.

Agree that doing stuff like blow drying / straighteneing / bleaching etc are really hard on it, I found that when I started getting highlights in my early 30s it started a cycle of deteriorting condition and needing more cuts, blow drying more to make it look OK and that made it worse etc.

Getting older I also think it grows more slowly which makes it need more attention as if you abuse it, it's not growing out and gone so quick.

I have short hair now and I love it.

No-one on the thread can see your hair they're just beign weird and mean as happens on AIBU all the time

[MenuPlant]

Try a home hairdressers, get some recommendarions from friends is my advice.

[Isleepinahedgefund]

I've found the best places to get what you want are the cheap, bog Standard places where they just cut hair and do routine, every day hair dressing day in, day out. They understand that people by and large don't want high fashion or out there colours.

I go to one of those everything the same price places, I've got to know the different stylists now so if I'm prepare to wait I can get my choice, although they're all pretty good to be honest so I don't mind who cuts my hair.

Toni and Guy definitely have a style book of what they're doing this season. I remember many years ago they did something truly dreadful to my friend's beautiful long, corkscrew curly hair, which involved cutting one half off and dyeing the other half red. All the rage, apparently. She'd asked for a trim. Took months for her to recover from the trauma!

[MummytoCSJH]

If you aren't getting it trimmed regularly it probably isn't in great condition, no matter how good it looks to you. I thought mine was fine but it has taken me and my hairdresser years to get mine to the length and condition it is now, that's with monthly cuts and deep conditioning/repair treatments to repair the damage I caused when I used to do it myself every so often . I do think they should try to give you what you've asked for, but it's hard when hair isn't in good condition. They can risk damaging it more, but if it's going to completely ruin your hair, then they shouldn't as yes they do know better than you with the training they have had. Not everyone's hair is the same either, so it might be that it's just not possible to do what you've asked for. Hope you find someone to help! It's tough when you've already tried everyone in the local area.

[WitsEnding]

I've had the same hairdresser for years and she is an excellent cutter and does her best. I go every 6 or 7 weeks. However, she never looks at my (very wavy) hair until it's been shampooed so has very little idea how I'm hoping it will turn out from my description. If she gets it wrong I get a free blow-dry afterwards and then go home and stick my head under the shower because I hate the 'finish'.

Today I was planning to grow the back layers and have the front shaped up but seem to have ended up with the opposite. I've trimmed the front myself for the first time in decades to get rid of the awful trailing sideburns.

[MenuPlant]

You assume her hair is shit.

She says it's in good nick.

If she's youngish and doesn't heat treat or dye it, it may well be.

Interesting the responses to OP.

AIBU to think lots of hairdressers don't really listen to what you want?

YABU you just have shit hair case closed

Okaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy

[Frequency]

So she cut ONE layer into my hair and fussed about with my fringe

No she didn't. That's impossible. One layer would like an unfinished bob. There is no such thing as a specific number of layers unless you want to look like this stop asking your hairdresser for a specific number of layers.

Are the cuts you are asking for suitable for your hair-type? Are you explaining yourself properly. So many times someone has presented me with a picture of long, thick glossy hair when they have fine, wavy, damaged hair and told me "I want a cut like this but longer and with not as many layers and I don't want a fringe but I do want it shorter at the front but not too much shorter and I don't want any more than three layers" and then get arsey when I look at them like this

[Worriedwart18]

Ok I think I will definitely try a home hairdresser next I think, thanks for the tip. Might be easier like someone else said with having kids they can come to you.

I will maybe up the times I go to the hairdresser then but could not afford monthly or 6 weekly! I understand if you have a style you want to keep or a shorter hairstyle the upkeep is more.

I have gone back to a few hairdressers before hoping like some have said they will get to know my hair and what I want but just get sloppier the more appointments I have. The latest girl was second time I've seen her.

I honestly hand on heart don't even own hair straighteners I find them evil what they do to your hair. I think the last time I curled it was 2 years ago for an Xmas doo.

As for hair dye, again couldn't afford for a salon to do it and lucky enough I have very dark hair. An odd grey here and there but not worth messing about with just yet. And have never bleached it!

[Worriedwart18]

@frequency I didn't ask for a specific number of layers, I asked for lots of layers.

And don't be ridiculous of course I didn't end up like the picture I just ended up with very little doing to my hair.

[MenuPlant]

If you have kids ask around at school see if others use home hairdresser, get a rec if you can.

[SummersB]

I hear you op. I have tried loads of different hairdressers over the years and many of them were exactly as you described. I have found a couple of good ones but by and large I can never get what I want. I have had some truly awful cuts. It doesn’t help that I have curly hair which most hairdressers seem to be completely unable to deal with - the number of times I have walked out of a hairdressers with Xmas-tree style layers is unreal! And that is despite telling them every time to please not cut my layers too short because that is exactly what will happen!!
I cut my own hair now. It’s not perfect but still much better than any hairdresser has ever done for me.

[MenuPlant]

I mean if you're still primary and get to the playground!

I didn't much - got mine through friend of friend.

I did find a couple in salons who were great and I went back to time and time again. It is tricky though.

I always found salons catering to older women / and that were cheaper to be better than more fashion type ones - just remembered. I went to one for years where I was the youngest in there by 30 years and they were mainly doing sets and stuff! They were great.

[EngagedAgain]

I Think you're probably one of these people who's hair for some reason is not easy to get right. Most of it is bad luck in not finding the right person. You need someone who has flair and confidence. The trouble is how much money do you waste trying to find that person.

[RoboticSealpup]

I agree, OP. I've very rarely come out with what I asked for, even whenever what I asked for was very simple. I agree they all seem to have five styles or something and just select the one closest to what you've described.

I've even had hairdressers tell me that it's hard to cut one length all over which surely should be pretty basic skills for someone who makes s living cutting hair...

[XiCi]

Yes, I definitely think hairdressers have their own thing in their minds and do that rather than really listen to what you want. I find taking in a photo then talking specifically about what I want the same as the photo helps. Is there anyone you know that has hair that looks good so you could get a recommendation from them?

Also ignore the people saying your hair must be awful if you don't get it cut every 6 weeks. When I was younger I had lovely long, glossy locks and I would leave months between visits to the hairdresser. If you are trying to grow it out there is absolutely no point in getting it cut all the time.

[Nanny0gg]

Maybe what you want doesn't suit your hair?

There's loads of styles I would like but with the best hairdresser in the world, the styles won't work with my hair.

[Goandplay]

I take lots of pictures that to me look extremely similar of the cut I want. I tell them what I like on each. That seems to work. I think if you have a few pictures they really get what you mean. Xx

[Goandplay]

Oh dear ignore the ‘xx’ 😅