To be a scruncher

[cheesenpickles]

So, DH came home this week with a tale about how a colleague of his had to call out a plumber for a massive blockage. Allegedly, the plumber said it was because someone (in this case, colleagues wife) had scrunched loo roll and it had caused the blockage.

Dh then said we must always fold rather than scrunch our loo roll. I then said I am a scruncher and he gave me a look as if I were drowning kittens. Then he started asking me my average sheet usage at which point I decided that the conversation was heading south and told him to not be so daft.

Surely scrunching doesn't block drains? I would say I'm less scruncher tbh and more epically lazy folder.

Thoughts?

[EnglishRose13]

It's weird in here today.

[SoupDragon]

Ah... Izal... happy memories of school" well, not happy as such. Why someone invented scratchy, waterproof toilet paper I don't know.

[SoupDragon]

It's weird in here today.

Are you new? This isn't particularly weird for MN! 😂

[eddiemairswife]

The Romans used a sponge on a stick.

[MutantDisco]

Been a folder since 3rd degree tear with DS1. Have to go very carefully around there! A bidet is looking like a tempting option...

[EnglishRose13]

@SoupDragon

No. And on a normal day I wouldn't bat an eyelid at this but I feel like everything is an April Fool's joke today! 😂

[LeatherFace]

Uh oh.

I am a scruncher and I know I use too much
I also stand up.

I want to change! How do I used less paper but still get clean and do the weird gymnastics required to do it sitting down?!

[MrTumblePulledAKnifeOnMe]

I scrunch, DH folds.

I stand, DH sits.

I have a clean arse, DH regularly has skids 🤢

🤷‍♀️

[IncrediblySadToo]

I’m a ‘roller’ too.

I don’t understand scrunching at all. It’s what small, messy, toddlers do when toilet training, how adults think it’s the best option I’ll never know.

I can’t imagine it makes enough difference to cause a blockage unless maybe the scruncher is more often on the toilet or does ‘logs’. Many modern toilets don’t have a great flush and I think scrunched paper stays more compact where rolled/folded paper unfold/unrolls more easily and thus is less likely to cause a blockage.

More likely she flushes tampons/tampax (or worse) and didn’t want to tell her DH/him to tell the world and his dog.

[Damntheman]

I think we need some diagrams from the standers

[SwoopTheJackpot]

A neighbour once tried to flush a chicken carcass. Their underneath neighbours had shit pouring out their toilets and through their ceilings.
^ So gross but had me cackling. 😂

[Eliza9917]

Apparently more men than women stand to wipe. All I can think of is the cheeks squishing together - how would you ever get right up in there to clean properly?!

Maybe they squat, rather than stand up normally.

[IncrediblySadToo]

Put each in a jar and shake

Nah, that credits toilets with a far better flush than they have! Just turn the jar upside down and tip them out. That’s a little closer!

LeatherFace. Roll the paper around your hand, slide your hand out, use paper lengthwise.

DailyMail Fuck off.

Tilt your hips forward, rotate your shoulder backwards, and you’ll be fine. I had issues after shoulder surgery and thought I couldn’t reach anymore (I’m NOT explaining the alternative option I used for a while 🤣) then one day realised I was clearly just not in the right position as I was able to wash my arse in the shower. I can’t now work out what I was doing wrong before 🤷🏻‍♀️

[FuriousCheekyFucker]

1. Use one sheet, fold in quarters and tear off a corner. Put this corner in a safe place.
   

1. Unfold sheet, poke finger through corner, use finger to clean crack and hole.
   

1. Remove sheet from finger by pulling it off tightly, removing the poo from your finger sides. Dispose of sheet in lavatory.
   

1. Retrieve corner saved from step 1, use to clean under fingernail then dispose of corner in lavatory.
   

That's the correct way to use toilet paper.

[IncrediblySadToo]

I think we need some diagrams from the standers

Standing is easy enough. Try some proper camping and you’ll get the hang of it sharp enough!!

Daily Mail Fuck Right Off.

Just stand with your feet slightly apart and wipe as normal. Unless you’re about 40 stone your bum cheeks naturally part as you twist.

[whitesoxx]

I thought everyone scrunched!

[FriedFoodFreud]

Incredibly, don't you mean tip your hips backwards? If you tip them forwards your bum is getting further away from your hand.

[Pinkbells]

origami swan

[gairytoes]

Scrunching gives better surface area, therefore a more thorough wipe.

[Damntheman]

@IncrediblySadToo oh I regularly wildnerness camp far from plumbing and toilets I still squat! Particularly to wipe.

[MadameGazelleIsMyHomegirl]

A neighbour once tried to flush a chicken carcass. Their underneath neighbours had shit pouring out their toilets and through their ceilings.
I feel very sorry for the people downstairs, but this made me laugh my socks off!

[MadameGazelleIsMyHomegirl]

Plus I have SO many questions about why they were trying to flush a chicken carcass???

[IncrediblySadToo]

don't you mean tip your hips backwards? If you tip them forwards your bum is getting further away from your hand

I guess it depends what you call your hips I suppose?! I mean your hip bones, the sharp pointy bits at the front.

Tipping your hips backwards makes your bum curl under you, forwards makes your bum stick out backwards. You should be wiping from behind you, not from the front.

oh I regularly wildnerness camp far from plumbing and toilets grin I still squat! Particularly to wipe

I do a mix depending on the situation I suppose.

However, I’d never squat in a public rest room, porta cabin, long drop or anyone’s bathroom! 🤣

[IncrediblySadToo]

Scrunching gives better surface area, therefore a more thorough wipe

How the hell could scrunching possibly give a better surface area than rolling/folding?!

I mean, the earlier claim of a more rough surface for scrubbing I was prepared to over look & resisted the urge to ask what they eat 😳🤷🏻‍♀️ But I can’t possibly accept ‘greater surface area’

One good thing. I certainly don’t fancy any lunch today 🤣

[Eliza9917]

Tipping your hips backwards makes your bum curl under you, forwards makes your bum stick out backwards. You should be wiping from behind you, not from the front.

Are you talking backward/forward in relation to where your hand is? If I tilt my hips backwards, my bum sticks out behind me, not curled under me.