To get annoyed at my in laws for letting my 1yr old & 2yr old watch too much tv?

[Grublets13]

Recently moved closer to my husbands family. My boys spend time with them on a fairly reg

That's the annoying thing. I gave them a wee toy bag filled with stuff to keep there and sometimes it doesn't come out the cupboard. MIL says they were quite happy watching tv do she didn't bother! 😂🙈 My MIL does it through kindness, thinks it's a lovely way for them to spend the day. Keeps asking when she can give my 1yr old a mars bar ice cream because that was my husbands favourite when he was a baby. 😆I put my food down at give my oldest fizzy drinks! 🙈

This is why I use childminders now as with family you cannot dictate as such what they do. I wouldn’t be happy with that level of tv on as kids need to be out playing, at toddlers groups, making things and learning. Children learn through play.

Personally I wouldn’t use them for childcare and would pay a childcare professional instead. My oldest went to his granny as a toddler who didn’t take him to any social activities, let him watch far to much tv (it was always on) and he rarely got the chance to be a child or play with other kids or leave the house (all of this was unknown to us for a long time and he was put in nursery ASAP when we found out). He still struggles socially a lot as do the other kids who spent a lot of time there.

My younger child goes to a childminder who takes him up toddlers, encourages play, limits tv and does lots of play based learning with the kids and he is incredibly sociable.

I would be wanting to know on the days they are paid to take card of them what will they be doing to help with learning and social skills. Are the planning on taking them to toddlers? Doing crafts? Parks etc?

Continually avoiding a pertinent question suggests they're being paid peanuts.
Suck it up.

Nursery and childminders are difficult when you work shifts sadly. ☹️ When the boys have been with my husbands family for the full day there's always been both Gran parents my 27 year old SIL. Only done when unavoidable. Moved house recently. Don't worry ladies, I'm not exhausting my in laws! 😂

Sorry if I'm annoying people by not talking about hourly rates. 🤦🏽‍♀️ Nothing's set in stone yet.

I purely was looking for a nice way to nudge my family into letting my boys play with their toys rather than watching tv whenever they spend time with them. Thought maybe someone else might have been in a similar position at some point. I know there's allot worse problems to have, trust me. I just thought I'd ask other mums opinions.

I think you need to clarify

1. How many hours will the children be at the GPs (is it 12 or 6?)
2. How much you're paying them

And 3. Are they sitting and watching TV for 6 hours, or is it that the TV happens to be in for the time they are there?

Do kids actually sit still and watch TV 6 hours af a time though? Mine love the TV, but I can't imagine them not getting bored if I sat them down in front of it for hours together, so many times a week!

I think you're being a bit precious. Telly is fine, tell your ILs that you want the kids to have x hours a day playing, reading stories, educational toys, garden play, park play and the rest can be telly

My children are older now, 7&10, they donloads outside of the home and have plenty of toys, they love their iPads - there's room for everything including tv and it is educational (except perhaps horror films,

If you can't find a childminder or Nursery for a whole shift, could the DC not go to a CM or Nursery near the GPs' home for the hours that they are open then GPs collect and mind them until you can collect them?

Or, is there the facility for you and DH to request shifts that allow one parent to look after the children whilst the other works, with GPs having the DC just for the overlapping times rather than for such long days?

How old are these GPs that they are assumed to be exhausted by 6 hrs paid childcare?

Mil minded my DC 2 days a week. They have very fond memories of the tv on constantly and lots of biscuits and treats. I was a bit at the time but long term it didn't do them any harm.

How much are you paying them op?

OP your options are
be direct - we'd really appreciate it if you didn't have kids TV on all the time they're here as we'd rather they are playing for some of they

If you go to regular groups. Ow, keep them up in days you're off and ask them to keep them up in their days assuming thry can get there

Ignore it.

Ime at that age they won't just sit there stationary anyway. They'll watch, wander off, play with their toys.

When you drop off, make time to go in and get a few toys out that they've taken with them so they're def out

This is why my daughter goes to nursery instead of my MIL 9 hours a week, she means well but our parenting styles are far too different for either of us to be fully comfortable.

You could try and straight up tell them that you absolutely don't want the TV on all day, you don't mind short spurts but not all day. But whether or not they take that on board is another matter. You could always give them extra money and suggestions for activities out the house. For example one day you can give them some extra money and say it's to go to soft play, or an excursion or something. Maybe they just need some extra ideas.

Is it possible that it's actually too tiring for them and that sticking the TV on is their way of coping? They may not want to admit that it's too much for them, or they may just feel that they can cope just fine as long as the TV is on.

I used to work variable shifts, I know how difficult it can be. We were fortunate that we found a nursery that accommodated my ever changing hours. I now work the same shifts every week so its not a problem anymore, but I do understand how frustrating it is. Have you tried reaching out to any childminders or spoken to people local to your area that work shifts?

I'd chill a bit.

My DC had far more than MN-permitted screen time over the years but it hasn't impacted on their enjoyment of reading / creativity /education.

They have TV time at GPs and do crafts and reading etc with you. It will be fine.

DH's BFF had very limited TV as a child and is a complete goggle box now!

We've got the TV on a lot here. 1yo DS has no interest but 3yo DD drifts between playing and watching. I can't imagine young children sitting staring at the TV for hours. It's just on in the background, watched if something they like us on.

I don't get the big deal with kids watching TV, tablets yes because they really zone out of everything else when on them but the TV is just background noise.

I think you shouldn't say anything OP, unless you are paying the same as you would be for professional childcare in which case you wouldn't be unreasonable to expect them to do more with your dcs.

I have been in a similar position, and I was so grateful for them helping out, saving us money, and that they adored my DC and wanted to spend time with them. They often did things I raised my eyebrow at but I let them slide because the advantage to the arrangement far outweighed the small negatives. After the novelty of unrestricted TV wore off they naturally drifted towards other things to keep them occupied. They haven't really watched, as in totally focused on, TV for about 3 years now.

If you're trusting them to look after your DC you need to fully trust them, otherwise your only option is to sort out alternative childcare. I assume they won't be paid as much as a nursery so I'm not sure you can totally dictate how they care for your dc, unless it's unsafe of course!

Watching CBeebies sometimes is really not going to do them any harm. Don't cause a big conflict by being (sorry) but quite petty and precious.

I grew up without a tv. As soon as I got my own tv I turned into a complete telly addict. My kids weren’t really restricted on the amount they watched and all are avid readers so I’m not sure it matters so long as it’s age appropriate.

We have cbeebies on most of the time as background noise too. We go out as much as possible to shops and park etc, and play lots of games and drawing but as mine is 2 her attention span is small and there seems to be a lot of day sometimes! Drifting in and out of cbeebies keeps the day going and thats fine, as long as its never a replacement for doing other things like going outside.

Isn't it illegal to pay a non registered family member to care for children regularly? It always used to be.

I think it still is mother it was when I did it 7 years ago anyway

It’s grandparents and you can pay anyone to babysit .

Since you're paying them I think it's ok to just directly say that you'd like them doing activities. They may not do it though... I think it's harder with grandparents even if you are paying them. They will always feel they have more of a right to break the rules, and I'm inclined to agree. It's nice for them to spoil their grandkids. But this may be an issue if it's 3 full days a week...

I think all you can do is ask. If they don't change then maybe you need to get a childminder to do it. I know it's nice to use family but with family there will always be more politics complicating things. They are never going to be service providers to you in the usual way.