AIBU to expect a friend of 10+ years to have some respect?

[Smilingwhenrunning]

I know that there will be dividing views on this and part of this is to get it off my chest but I wanted some perspective or other views because maybe I am being unreasonable but...

I had a fund raiser a few weeks ago for a charity that is supporting my family and do valuable work for many.

Today I shared a post the charity had written about my fund raiser on FB. Now I have received a pm from a friend who I thought was a close and supportive, having a go at me about supporting the charity because they support research that tests on animals. She has sent loads of propaganda about animal cruelty as well.

I am so hurt and so upset about this because, although I understand we all have different views and beliefs, I did not expect to be sent a lot of properganda and hurtful comments about it.

AIBU to expect her to keep it to herself?

Some people feel that passionately about animal testing though.

A friend of mine would liken it to testing on children; both living things, vulnerable to adult humans, and unable to speak up for themselves.

So from that POV, feeling as passionately as she does, she did right by PMing you and not hijacking your post, I suppose.

Not the time, I guess!

I don’t know. I have splinters in my arse from fence-sitting!

You are being more respectful than I would be but I don't have a lot of time for that shit.

I have splinters in my arse from fence-sitting!

Me too....I've been on a tour of an animal testing facility and it was fucking horrific and one girl cried.

On the other hand, knowing that every medicine that exists has been tested on animals and this is still the law, I still take paracetamol and anti-anxiety meds when I need them.

I am vegan, I do not use any animal products or anything tested on animals.

So you take no medicine at all? Antibiotic? Paracetamol?

Does she really think that you don't know there was animal testing?! I am totally against animal testing but for medical purposes there doesn't seem to be any alternative and I'm sure if it involved one of her loved one's she would not be behaving in this way!

No actually I don’t think she is entitled to voice her opinion here.

We’re talking about medical testing here not cosmetic testing, and all medicine is tested on animals, by law. If people think that she should be entitled to the view that that is wrong then presumably people believe that she should have the right to stop her children from receiving any medical treatment based on her ethical viewpoint, and I don’t imagine anyone would agree that that is the case.

So actually no, if this is a medical issue then she keeps her mouth shut, because what she stands for is borderline advocating allowing people to die in the name of ethics.

I'd tell her to fuck off, personally. I don't like animal testing at all, but it doesn't give her the right to try and lecture you, especially when you have family circumstances that lead you to support this charity.

I had a friend who used to do similar things with environmentalism, and despite being an environmentalist myself, she is an ex friend. No time for that bull.

Well your 'friend' sounds crashingly insensitive at best, using any opportunity (and this time, you and your family's misfortune to need the services of the charity which you have kindly attempted to pay forward by fundraising) to push her own agenda.

It would certainly alter my opinion of her. No thought for your own situation, just grabbing the opportunity to put her own views forward.

Well done on the fundraising, OP.

because what she stands for is borderline advocating allowing people to die in the name of ethics.

Ultimately, there are people who don’t view human life as more important than animal life.

And when your loved ones aren’t involved it’s much easier to have that view.

I am vegan, I do not use any animal products or anything tested on animals. so your children are unvaccinated? You’re prepared to let them die rather than receive medical treatment?

I think it's horribly insensitive of her.
I'm not sure I could forgive it.

I think this is a tricky one.
She has not been sensitive to your situation, but you have not been respectful of her views either. She did not say it when you talked about treatment for your family, but when you posted a fundraiser for the charity.
Calm down and try and ignore that this happened.

Also. I have a real issue with people sending or posting graphic pictures of animal abuse or animal testing. It's totally unnecessary and disgusting and makes me less likely to engage.

This

I agree with Claire, you were deeply offended by your friend's perspective, she was deeply offended by your support for an organisation she finds abhorrent. The difference is that she gave you the benefit of the doubt by raising it with you privately, whereas you are raising it with a group of strangers. If you are such good friends then surely you should tell her how her response made you feel and talk it through. If you can't do that then it's a pretty superficial friendship and you might as well drop her.

Why should the OP respect her views though?

If the OP attended one of the demonstrations she goes to and started proclaiming that this is all a load of rubbish or indeed started sending private messages to the friend if she was expressing a view on testing that would be disrespecting her views. But the OP shared her fundraising attempt on her own facebook page because of her own personal situation with the organisation concerned. The friend doesn’t have to read it, doesn’t have to respond to it, certainly doesn’t have to take the time to post private messages to the OP about it. Where is the friend’s respect for what the OP and her family are going through?

I respect the view of someone to believe the earth is flat, but that doesn’t mean that entitles them to badger me in private messages because I don’t subscribe to it.

Sorry, let me clarify, I do not use cosmetics, household items tested on animals.
If I refused medication that was not tested on animals I would probably be dead, given that all are tested, my children are vaccinated. I was trying to say that I am totally anti testing (for medication too as often unnecessary) but ultimately despite my lifestyle choice and views the health of the people I care about is more important to me. I realise this is hypocritical, but I am doing my best to manage being ethical with being realistic!

The OP is asking for respect for her views though. If you post asking for contributions to a charity, then it is unreasonable not to expect those unhappy with this charity to say nothing. It is a political post.

Lots on here are simply saying - I am against animal testing, but not when it comes to my own family's health. Then you are NOT against animal testing, and not respecting that some people are totally against animal testing.

I support animal testing by the way. But I also respect that people have different points of view from me.

I am against animal testing, but not enough to die for it or anyone else. Ideally medication wouldn't be tested on animals, but I cannot change that alone.

But the issue is not whether anyone here agrees with animal testing or not. That is irrelevant.

Imagine you were posting on social media a fundraiser for a charity that helped your family stay alive, but they also had human slaves in another country doing the work for the charity? Would be angry if a friend pmed you with proof of this because the charity had helped your family stay alive? Or would you understand your friend had a different point of view about the charity and ignore it?

As others have said it is tricky.

Your personal priority is your family member and the support they need during terrible circumstances. Most people are against animal testing, but if someone told me I had a direct choice between the life of a lab rat and my child/parent etc I really wouldn't like it but like most people, I would know my answer.

She has been blinkered by her strong anti animal testing views and not stopped to think first. I'd just ignore unless she raises it again and then change the subject if possible.

I would say thank you for the information however you are in favour of developing medicines that may help your child even when these are tested on animals during the development stage.
I would say that you respect her opinion on the subject and would also hope that she can respect your opinion.

As pp have pointed out 90% if products she uses have been tested on animals so unless she literally lives in a box she's a hypocrite and also an insensitive friend. If she doesn't want to donate that's no problem but no need to act all preachy to you. I would just reply saying you find her comments insensitive and probably cool off

It takes a particularly self obsessed and inwensitive person to send/say stuff like that when they know that your fundraiser is linked to something medical you're going through personally.

It's awful enough when it comes from a stranger - it's nasty, selfish and totally lacking in empathy when it comes from a 'friend' of 10+ years.

Don't feel bad about cutting this person off, people change over the years and it could just be the case that this particular friendship has run its course.

When you're ready, i'd send her a short reply "you're entitled to your opinion" and block her from your life.

These animal rights (as opposed to animal welfare) people are horrendous fanatics. Take no notice.