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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset by family’s birthday present...

70 replies

Stripesareus · 29/03/2019 06:18

I am fairly sure IABU but just feeling so upset. It is my step daughters 16th Birthday in a couple of weeks. Discovered last night that my husbands family have all chipped in to buy her an expensive Pandora charm bracelet which she will love but I’m not sure how we can compete with that? Have bought her a few bits and pieces including a nice bracelet which will just look crap compared to the Pandora one. Realise my feelings are about our own inadequacies as parents being able to buy our daughter something special when it shouldn’t matter and it should be about her but just feeling so angry and upset. Please tell me something to make me feel better.

OP posts:
stofi · 29/03/2019 07:13

I'm surprised a 16 year old would want a Pandora bracelet.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 29/03/2019 07:17

Of course you could just be a mare and buy her an original BHB from the family run company that started them!

www.trollbeads.com/en-gb/shop-jewellery/customized-jewellery/beads/

Petalflowers · 29/03/2019 07:17

You say it’s fromyour husbands family? What doesyour husband say? Has he contributed to this gift also? If so, you don’t have to compete as you have contributed.

Do something nice for her birthday - afternoon tea, zoo. Is it etc.

NutElla5x · 29/03/2019 07:18

Getting angry and upset over this is really over the top and unhealthy. Are you competitive in other ways when it comes to your step daughter? If so you need to fathom why? Because it's really not a good look! I'm sure she'll be quite happy with what you've got her, and if you truly love her you'd should stop being so petty and self absorbed and just be happy that she's getting a nice present from the other people that love her.

Greywalls12 · 29/03/2019 07:19

YABVU. It's not a competetion and please don't let her know you feel this way.
I've been on the receiving end of this situation and you'll just make her feel bad for receiving nice presents.
It does not make you inadequate at all. She will still like your presents and will not think less of you because it's less expensive, i doubt she'll even give it a thought.
My situation is different in the fact my parents bought DH and I an expensive baby present and MIL felt jealous that she couldn't afford similar, which made me feel really bad about having received it, as she made such a big deal about it and would roll her eyes if DH even mentioned it. We've never expected anything off anyone, never expected the gift in the first place and certainly would never expect anyone else to do the same. It did make me think less of her for a while as I thought her reactions were really petty, but in no way did the fact she didn't buy us an expensive present make me think anything at all!

NameChange992 · 29/03/2019 07:23

It’s not a competition, but if it were the best presents are not measured by financial cost anyway. Your dsd may or may not be the kind of girl who would genuinely love a pandora bracelet, but that doesn’t mean she won’t equally love something cheap but thoughtful, especially if it’s from someone she loves.

Sparkletastic · 29/03/2019 07:24

God my 16 year old would hate a Pandora bracelet. Surely you just get something else she'd actually really like. My 16 year is all about make up and skincare. What's your SD into?

sanityisamyth · 29/03/2019 07:26

Can you get a meaningful charm to go on the bracelet?

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 29/03/2019 07:46

I agree with those saying the average 16 year old would be slightly horrified to get a Pandora bracelet. It's like a life sentence!

M4J4 · 29/03/2019 07:49

This is really bizarre. Why can't you just be happy for DSD?

Is there a back story with your H's family trying to regularly outdo you and your H?

HarrysOwl · 29/03/2019 07:50

I'd be upset if I wasn't asked if I'd like to chip in for the Pandora thingie too.

Is it more about that?

Original poster
Stripesareus · 29/03/2019 07:50

Thanks for all your comments and suggestions everyone. I guess I was just annoyed at being trumped. My in-laws place a much higher value on monetary value than I do and we are limited in what we can afford so probably bothered about getting judged by them on the presents we give DSD. Realise this is irrelevant to DSD and i just need to get over it. Have decided I am going to return the bracelet we got her and have a think about stuff she would really like.

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 29/03/2019 07:52

Give her the bracelet you've bought - a person can have more than one bracelet.

I agree with pps that Pandora things are overpriced for what they are - you're mainly paying for a brand name. Obviously I haven't seen the one you have bought but I doubt it will look 'crap' next to the Pandora bracelet - just different.

Funkyslippers · 29/03/2019 07:54

The bracelet you've bought her could be more 'everyday' and the Pandora one for special occasions. Don't take that the wrong way!

ShadowMane · 29/03/2019 07:55

My friend keeps telling me about www.cooksongold.com where they sell to jewellers and they have silver charms for around the £10 mark

SkintAsASkintThing · 29/03/2019 08:00

Pandora isn't that expensive tbh. I'd return your bracelet and get her earrings, necklace or a ring to go with her Pandora one.

zippey · 29/03/2019 08:00

Comparison is the thief of joy.

HarrySnotter · 29/03/2019 08:08

You don't have to buy her something else from Pandora at all. Presumably you bought her a bracelet that you thought she'd like so she most likely will! One of my favourite bracelets is one that a friend gave me and I know it wasn't expensive, but it's lovely and I prefer it to most other more expensive ones.

Don't be angry, you're trying to do something nice for her, as are the rest of her family.

SunshineCake · 29/03/2019 08:15

@sandgrown - do you mind telling me where your tiny shears are from please? They sound like something I need in my life!

mumonthehill · 29/03/2019 08:18

We did a box with 16 presents in, things ds would love. Things like favourite chocolate, a t shirt from a brand he could not normally afford, treat smellies etc. It went down really well and showed that we had really put thought into it. It cost very little but was fun.

DeadWife · 29/03/2019 08:20

Equally surprised a 16 yr old would want Pandora, more a middle aged problem thing, and agree with topcat/Sparkle . Anyway as she does I think you are just feel priced out by them, but when it comes to presents, thoughtfulness and taste go such a long way.

FWIW you sound a lovely caring stepmother OP, wish my step father had remotely cared for me that much.

vjg13 · 29/03/2019 08:21

She might appreciate that the Pandora bracelet cost more but be less likely to wear it, my almost 16 year old definitely wouldn't wear one. She is much happier with more of a piece of string type friendship bracelet!

Original poster
Stripesareus · 29/03/2019 08:28

@mumonthehill that’s a lovely idea! Might steal x

OP posts:
Original poster
Stripesareus · 29/03/2019 08:29

@deadwife thank you 💐

OP posts:
Thecabbageassasin · 29/03/2019 08:30

Confused who has chipped in to buy the bracelet, your dh and the rest of the family. Have you as the step mother been left out of the whip round ?