AIBU to refuse to visit in-laws because of their bees?

[ChandelierSail]

Yes I know this is a strange one. Unfortunately I've married into a very strange family.

So SIL lives overseas and MIL lives in an annexe in her garden. It's a residential area with a medium sized garden approx 30 feet long.

SIL has just told us that they have got bee hives in their garden!

She's making out I'm a nutter cos I'm refusing to visit. DH is very allergic to bee stings and could have an anaphylactic shock if stung.

We're flying out there next week and because it's hot there we always sit outside.

Now I'm thinking poor DH won't be able to sit outside and will be taking his life in his hands just visiting his mum in her annexe in SIL's garden.

I've emailed her to address my concerns and this is her reply

You don’t need to worry about being stung, our hive is very happy and sedate and too busy keeping the queen happy to be interested in anything else. Mom even sits in the garden with them and Lulu (their dog) sits right next to the second hive in the front ( this one we will be moving before you come). Fiddlewood not in flower so you won’t even need to wear shoes 😉 I still feel so terrible about that 😢 (DH was stung round theirs after standing on a bee in their grass and had a very bad reaction)

Has been interesting as when we investigated the residential by-laws and spoke to our neighbors to get permission we discovered how many people in the area have hives, our opposite neighbor and a couple of people in xx Rd have had for years. Apparently the honey from this particular area is highly sort after. Best of all we are helping to keep the bee population healthy. Sorry that Youre ^anxious about them but there is no need to worry.

I was thinking when you arrive on Sat it may be nice to have you all around for supper ie Sat early evening. Was thinking of a b^bq but there is also the option of one of BIL's kormas, which would you prefer?

So if you were me, what would you do?

AIBU? I'm not am I?

I have bees, never been stung, wouldn't recommend a bee suit though he's going to be boiling and uncomfortable and it's not really needed unless he's going to be fiddling about with the hive.

Thing about risk is that it has two components: chance of something happening and how bad that happening is.

So in this case the chance of your DH (or DC) getting stung is pretty low. But if they are stung it could be very bad, potentially even fatal without an epipen. I think that would be too much risk for me.

Personally I think it’s pretty thoughtless to keep bees if someone in the family is allergic.

is she a bit slow her son was stung but is ok

yes but he doesnt rihave an allergy to bees! tell her yo wont be comnig does your dh want to risk it wiht no epipen

I understand and I’d be nervous too but knowing how bees behave. They are very gentle creatures and totally focused on there job

Nothing like a drunk wasp in August

Can you not compromise and stay or meet elsewhere?

I have also been to a busy lavender field several times and the only time I’ve witnessed a sting was when A child was wearing sandals and a bee got caught in her sandals. When ever we go now we wear trainers. It’s very local so we go a lot

We have been 1000 x pestered more in legoland by bloody wasps.

Are they in florida? Sounds lovely

Im a bee keeper in Australia and they really are not dangerous. Unfortunately, people have this fear and once you educate yourself and learn a little about them you realise they are not dangerous. When they are swarming is the safest time as they are generally full of honey which calms them and they are less lightly to sting.

I would still go but have epipen and just don't get too close and wear shoes when outside.

I have 4 hives in a smallish backyward and lots of kids over regularly. The only time one of my children got stung was when they tried to rescue a bee from the pool on their hand.

Well I think your DH will certainly be making his/your point wearing that outfit and I don't blame him.

However, all this shite about how your Dh is such a willocky wet blanket that he "can't stand up to his sister" is totally pathetic. Seriously?

I'm stunned that your DH's allergy is so bad, yet he's never had an epipen. You can't be that worried.
I have a severe bee allergy and I don't go anywhere without my Epipens. I still wouldn't be worried about their beehive though. Bees around a hive are busier than random lone bees in an ordinary garden. Not remotely interested in people. And they'll have been doing their work further afield, just flying back and straight into their hive.
Like I say, I can't square your over-reaction to this, with not having bothered to get epipens before.

They may not normally be dangerous, but if you were extremely allergic to them I don't think you would be taking any chances.

If I was your DH I would wear the beekeeper outfit during the visits.

Is there no option to arrange to take MIL out? A wheelchair and disabled taxi if needed? I'm sure she'd love to get out of the house if possible.

if dh has a severe allergy like has been suggested he shouldnt be going anywhere without carrying an epi pen, so he needa to get back tothe gp asap, dh sounds rather silly not being able to say anything to his own dm or ds himself about the bee's and leaving it to you especially since he talks to them regularly, tell him to get a grip and sort it out himself
you dont want to make your dc scared of bees as thats when they're more likely to get stung by flapping about and panicking

YABU to write an email to your husbands family on behalf of your husband. It's his allergy and his family. As for making him wear a bee keepers suit I can't tell if you are joking or not 😂😂

I am sympathetic with your dh but the thought of him putting that gear on to sit in the garden 😂 how would he eat his bbq?

She's making out I'm a nutter cos I'm refusing to visit.

But it isn't really you that's refusing to visit. It's your DH. What is it he wants here? Does he want you to tell his sister to get rid of the bees or he won't visit?

I'd leave it up to your husband. In my experience with beehives they are very unlikely to sting but obviously it's still a possibility and I'm not allergic so it's easy for me to tell you to just take the risk. Just go with whatever your husband wants to do.

I've been stung twice with no provocation at all-just walking along, and a bee landed on me and stung me. I wouldn't risk it.