AIBU to refuse to visit in-laws because of their bees?

[ChandelierSail]

Yes I know this is a strange one. Unfortunately I've married into a very strange family.

So SIL lives overseas and MIL lives in an annexe in her garden. It's a residential area with a medium sized garden approx 30 feet long.

SIL has just told us that they have got bee hives in their garden!

She's making out I'm a nutter cos I'm refusing to visit. DH is very allergic to bee stings and could have an anaphylactic shock if stung.

We're flying out there next week and because it's hot there we always sit outside.

Now I'm thinking poor DH won't be able to sit outside and will be taking his life in his hands just visiting his mum in her annexe in SIL's garden.

I've emailed her to address my concerns and this is her reply

You don’t need to worry about being stung, our hive is very happy and sedate and too busy keeping the queen happy to be interested in anything else. Mom even sits in the garden with them and Lulu (their dog) sits right next to the second hive in the front ( this one we will be moving before you come). Fiddlewood not in flower so you won’t even need to wear shoes 😉 I still feel so terrible about that 😢 (DH was stung round theirs after standing on a bee in their grass and had a very bad reaction)

Has been interesting as when we investigated the residential by-laws and spoke to our neighbors to get permission we discovered how many people in the area have hives, our opposite neighbor and a couple of people in xx Rd have had for years. Apparently the honey from this particular area is highly sort after. Best of all we are helping to keep the bee population healthy. Sorry that Youre ^anxious about them but there is no need to worry.

I was thinking when you arrive on Sat it may be nice to have you all around for supper ie Sat early evening. Was thinking of a b^bq but there is also the option of one of BIL's kormas, which would you prefer?

So if you were me, what would you do?

AIBU? I'm not am I?

Until a couple of years I'd have thought YWBU, but then DSS's neighbours got a couple of hives.

Every time he has a barbecue, they seem to decide to swarm and everyone has to go indoors. DGD has been stung loads of times and she's only 3, and every time they have a family party, someone seems to get stung.

I'm not convinced that bees in a built-up area are a good idea, although I love the idea of keeping bees and appreciate how important they are as pollinators.

I'm a bit on the middle about this. We have bees that have never stung anyone despite the dc being in the garden daily, and they are not a huge distance away from where the dc play. So I do agree that happy bees rarely sting. The pp comments about bees swarming are not really correct, bees only do that when their hive has become overcrowded and they are looking for a new home, or if something happens to display them from their hive.

That said, I can understand why it is a concern for someone with a bee allergy, and that it might be better to meet somewhere else.

I think it would maybe be less contentious for your dh to talk to his relatives about it though.

Display = displace

Does DH have an epipen?

No the GP said they're out of stock cos of supply issues. I might have to get DH to investigate this further and see if he can get one from somewhere.

We have bees, btw, and the only person to be stung was me when I did a really stupid thing in the hive. No kids or visitors have been stung.

That's reassuring. But do you have a small garden? Due to the size of the garden you'll be within about 10 feet of the hive at all times.

And by the way I'm also not happy about being stung and I don't want my DD being stung either (she may have also inherited the allergy).

SIL has now said her son was stung and "he was fine". Sorry was that supposed to reassure me??

We keep bees and my son is severely allergic.
The rule is no bare feet outside.

Bees only swarm if they are not being managed properly- any decent beekeeper will be on top of this so it shouldn't happen.

Epipen supply was terrible last summer- now resolved and we've had no problems getting new ones for this season.

I would go- honey bees have no interest in people sitting in the garden...

I think it would be rare for your DH to be stung by a bee, as they really on sting when threatened (as happened when your DH stood on one). I can understand why you have a concern, but they are largely unfounded. If your DH has an epic-pen and suitable treatment to hand, I think you would be fine.

I wonder what you expect them to do though? Do you expect them to get rid of the bees? Or is it that you want to just meet up elsewhere? It' ultimately up to your DH- if he really doesn't want to be near the bees then he shouldn't go.

epipen (not epic pen)!

I wouldn’t risk it anyway but definitely not if your DH isn’t able to get an epi-pen.

DS is anaphylactic to bee stings and we visit people with hives. His nursery has a couple of hives (the other side of an acre field).

As PPs have said... bees don't like to sting.

It's not up to your DH's GP to comment on the epipen shortage. If he's anaphylactic the GP should write a prescription as advised by his allergist. It's up to the pharmacist to comment on supply!

DS's GP wrote prescriptions for the 3 main brands of AAIs last year so we could just get whatever was in stock.

I'm sorry that my post isn't going to reassure you.
Bee sting allergies can get worse with exposure. A family friend died in his early 40s after being stung....he knew he was allergic, and reacted worse than the previous two stings.
Of course your DH could get stung anywhere. But visiting people with beehives in the garden seems too big a risk for me.

Our garden is quite large but the bees are within 6 feet of our main sitting out area. Just not in the bees flightpath. The bees fly upwards and outwards and only come down for flowers or water.

If he isn't going to enjoy it for worrying then I would go elsewhere, but the chances of a sting are really no higher than anywhere with flowers.

I get that happy bees don't want to sting you, but they're proposing making a fire and deliberately hanging out in the bees space. It's an absolute NO from me, especially with the epi-pen shortage. Why would you risk it?

Invite them over to the hotel for dinner.

To date, I’m only mildly allergic to bee stings, but it’s a cumulative allergy. I carry an epipen for a different allergy. I would not walk 10feet from a hive. It’s just not worth the risk. Best case scenario on ge

Urge

On getting stung is a week or two with a seriously swollen and painful spot the size of a grapefruit on my body.

Um, THIS

'What does you dh think? It’s his condition his call and his family.'

I've just ordered this from Amazon and DH is going to wear it round there. He's also going to see if he can get an epipen.

We've only found out today that they've got the bees. Previously there's been talk but we didn't know they had actually got them until today. They've had them a few weeks. I'm really pissed off about this because DH phones his sister and mum twice a week and they have lengthy conversations and neither SIL nor MIL mentioned it to him. I think they knew they were out of order and that's why nothing's been said up until now.

Oh and I've said we don't mind a BBQ or a Korma but we'll be sitting inside. If BIL wants to cook outside that's fine but we'll be inside.

If MIL was well enough to travel we wouldn't go round at all. But she's not able to come to the hotel so we'll have to go there.

Actually I think given you don't know if DD has inherited the allergy too I defo wouldn't risk it, if I did visit I'd stay inside at least

Having a BBQ would actually keep the bees calmer in two ways;

It blocks their alarm signals (like cutting off their WiFi, I suppose) and they tend to go and feed from their stores in anticipation of having to leave the hive due to a forest fire. An anthropormophised version would be 'there's a fire over there. No alarms going, though. I'll go and have some food in case we need to leave.'

They're therefore less likely to react to people in the area than before when they weren't all that interested int he first place (why is why apiarists use smokers before opening up the hives).

I take lots of close up photos of insects. Bees are the easiest, as they just do not give a shiny, honeyglazed bee shit that some numpty is poking a camera less than 3cm away from them as they're feeding.

Even wasps don't care when they're stripping wood from a shed door for their nests or stripping caterpillars off your brassicas for the young - they only really become stripey arseholes when the colony has collapsed in late summer/autumn and they are frantically searching for food/get into fermenting fruit or alcohol, so they're unhappy, scared and pissed up.

Its your DH's call.
His family, his allergy. His responsibility to not get or not get an Epi-pen (which he should always have if he is that seriously allergic anyway, bees do occasionally wander into urban areas). A pp had a good suggestion re that apparent shortage.
I am allergic to bee stings, and our tenants have bees ( small landholding ). And they have for years, with no issues. Bees do not behave like flies,.
And realistically - what do you expect your sister-in-law to do? Get rid of the hives for the duration of your visit? The more people propagating hives the better to be honest. Bee populations are in decline world wide, and as tricky as it is for your DH, we need them around.

yabu
if bees are kept well the risk of stings is very very low.

I grew up with bee hives in the garden and have never been stung at all by do estic honey bees.
bloody wasps -different story.

Epipen or any other brand of adrenaline is a must. Stocks are okay now but he should have been allocated two in the shortage. They extended the use by on out of date ones so people should have been covered.

Sorry your SIL is such an ass.

Well if you do go outside, just make sure he tucks his trousers into his socks. Bees crawl upwards, so trouser legs and loose sleeves are the biggest risk.

The only person I saw get stung in 10 weeks of practical classes at an apiary (60 or 70 hives) was the woman who forgot to tuck her trousers into her wellies.

And this is why Skype was invented

SIL sounds batshit. No way would I be visiting bees with a bee allergy. Not worth the risk. They can come meet you in the hotel, I mean for fuck's sake you're making all the effort by flying out there in the first place!

You're really going to make him wear a beekeeper suit 😂😂😂

I think you are being over precautious. Bees really aren't aggressive and won't attack unless he treads on one or something, and realistically what can she do... she has the bees, and trying to save the bee population is way more important than potentially putting your brother off visiting. Just tell them you can stsy indoors if all windows shut, but don't intend to go in the garden, so no bbq please.