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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think husband should stop asking for money?

68 replies

Alwaysmoney · 28/03/2019 17:06

So husband earns £1200/ month
I usually earn £1800/month, but I've currently got a temporary contract giving me £2100/ month (this is only for 12 months, then my wage goes back to normal)

Husband keeps asking me for money to do his hobbies, even before my temporary wage increase. Since the wage increase its more frequent.

For household bills and shopping etc. he puts in £600/month, I do £1200/ month. The idea of this was that we would both have £600/month to spend on ourselves/ treats etc.

Last year we agreed I would pay the balance on the holiday for next year, and he would cover spending money. Now he says he can afford maybe half of spending money and I'll need to pay the extra.

In December I put £500 towards new equipment for his hobby, with the agreement he would do extra work around home improvements instead of me doing it. He hasn't done any of this yet.

In January he asked to borrow £150 and said he would pay back £50 in Feb, March and April. I haven't yet received anything.

He has now asked for £50 to go towards a new tattoo this weekend (that has been booked for months) as without it he wouldn't be able to add to his savings.

I couldn't tell you the last time I bought anything for myself. My £600 goes on him, the house, DC, extra shopping, fuel etc. I haven't had new clothes since before I was pregnant with DC who is now 1. I have an extra bill of £250 this month due to career requirements (unable to claim back through work).

Wibu to say no chance is he getting any more money? I want to not have to take out of savings every month and be left with hardly anything when it's because he's spending all my money on him and putting his into his savings.

OP posts:
happyhillock · 28/03/2019 18:36

Wow i would love £600 a month to spend on myself after bills etc, i have a friend who gives her DH £120 a week spending money plus buy's his tobacco, friend's say she's a mug, why does he have so many hobbies? He"s a married man with kids family should come first, he's getting all his home comforts for £600 a month lucky man, he should be contributing more, if he asked me for £50 for a tattoo that's not essential i know what i would say

Girlinstripedpyjamas · 28/03/2019 18:36

Surely it’d be the same in reverse? It’s the spare money he’s taking the piss with

Nanny0gg · 28/03/2019 18:40

Of course it's fair that you earn more!

Either it's a higher rate job, you're more qualified or more senior. If he's not happy with that he knows what to do

BottleOfJameson · 28/03/2019 18:44

Usually I don't understand why couples keep money separate but I can totally see why in this case. HE sounds selfish . I think you need to rethink finances. A separate pot for family spending and personal spending. By the sounds of it you need to be in charge of family spending as he'll just buy whatever the F he wants.

BottleOfJameson · 28/03/2019 18:46

I also agree with PP £600 is an insane amount of money to spend on himself in your situation. WE have a very high family incomes at the moment and neither DH nor me regularly spend that much on ourselves.

gettingbacktoresearch · 28/03/2019 18:47

Why do you say Like it isn't fair that I have a higher wage

He could earn a higher wage if he decided to go for a career change/promotion etc....

Don’t diminish what you have done to get where you are! Hmm

Original poster
Alwaysmoney · 28/03/2019 18:52

The £600 is for me, not necessarily for fun.

So for example bills specific to me such as car insurance, life insurance, petrol, professional registration, union fees etc.
Then if I decide I want to buy lunch instead of taking a packed lunch it would come out of that. If we go out for a meal we would use our own accounts rather than the joint (generally a fairly even split)

OP posts:
Original poster
Alwaysmoney · 28/03/2019 18:55

gettingbacktoresearch
I don't really know why I feel like that. I've got a masters degree and extra postgraduate qualifications, I've worked hard to get my career.
I guess its because my family were able to help me out, I've never had to struggle with money. I've always had money and been good at budgeting so I've always saved too. I feel like that maybe gave me an unfair advantage?
My husband never got a penny from family and wouldn't have been able to afford to study the way I did.

OP posts:
NWQM · 28/03/2019 19:00

Why did he get £500 to do work round the house? I can understand you deciding to pay someone so that you don't do it but not pay your DH - particularly prior to doing the work.

Clutterbugsmum · 28/03/2019 19:05

Time to reassess the house hold costs.

You earn £600 more then him but you pay twice as much as he does, and then spend your 'money' to fund his life style. Even if you don't stop paying for things out of this money for yourself and your children you do need to stop funding him. If he can not do what he wants with his '£600' monthly money then he needs to either get a second job or reduce his expectations.

tttigress · 30/03/2019 10:15

Just one point. £1200 per month is a pretty low wage, in order to improve his lifestyle could he not work towards getting a better job?

Shelbybear · 30/03/2019 10:19

Don't give him it he's doing very well considering he gets £600 per month that is massive!

Also if you spend money on the kids perhaps u need to look at the split. Like £500 each disposable spends each and £200 put away for the kids to cover clothes, clubs, school trips etc. U shldnt be footing the bill on ur own.

He's selfish and will just keep taking esp seeing as u keep giving. The u give the more he will want, stop it now.

talkingjapeneseireallythinkso · 30/03/2019 10:24

op you really do need to say no to this child sometimes, he can't have everything he wants. adults and parents have to go to work and earn their money.

talkingjapeneseireallythinkso · 30/03/2019 10:26

£1200, low? christ on a bike i had to pay a £590 mortgage with that and finance a household, it was bloody difficult but do -able, thankfully it was only for 2 years but even so.

PregnantSea · 30/03/2019 14:30

At first I was reading your post thinking that as you're both married why aren't you just sharing your money... But by the end of the post I got the distinct impression that you feel the need to draw a clear distinction between yours and his money because he's irresponsible with his money and subsidises this with your money. He's absolutely taking the piss and you need to put a stop to it. Don't lend him anymore money, draw up a payment plan of how he's going to pay you back the money he already owes you and insist that he makes more of an effort to be responsible. Watch closely to see if things improve. Don't expect miracles overnight - some people haven't learnt how to budget properly and it is a learning curve, so give him so breathing space and be supportive. But remember that you can be supportive without paying for his tattoos and hobbies.. .

Original poster
Alwaysmoney · 30/03/2019 21:38

PregnantSea he's a lot better now than when we met. Since we got together he's got rid of about 3k credit card debt and manages to have savings most months now. Just every so often he seems to forget that there is set money and when it's gone it's gone. He always assumes I've got more and that I'll give it to him.

He hasn't mentioned money again yet. I'm expecting him to before next payday but he isn't getting anything extra.

OP posts:
Hearhere · 30/03/2019 21:41

Just say no, broken record technique

Motoko · 30/03/2019 22:22

Tell him now, before he runs out of money. Don't wait until he comes to you asking for it.

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