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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL and impending birth

102 replies

Greywalls12 · 28/03/2019 08:14

I'm very pregnant, due in 2 weeks and every couple of days for the past week she's been asking me if I've 'had any twinges' which is really starting to grate on me.

I'm more of the mind of trying not to think every little feeling is the start of labour, cause I just get dissapointed when it's not! It's our first baby so chances are I'll probably be late, and I'd just like to get on with things rather than be reminded how nothing's happening yet!
AIBU to be annoyed?
And AIBU to either ask her, or get DH to ask her to stop asking me about it?
No one else asks me, it's just her!

OP posts:

MidniteScribbler · 28/03/2019 09:40

This is why I told people that my due date was two weeks later than it really was.

Boysey45 · 28/03/2019 09:41

Just say you'll let her know as soon as you have had the baby and theres no need to keep asking all the time. Surely MIL has other things to do than be nattering you all the time?

Narya · 28/03/2019 09:43

Each time she asks say no and give her indepth details about your piles, constipation, how awkward it is to find a comfortable position for sex, moan about your swollen ankles etc. She might not ask again

^This. Ask her if she thinks any of them are early labour signs. (Getting the shits really is an early labour sign for some people).

CoffeeAndCakeEssentials · 28/03/2019 09:45

10 days away from due date here and every day there's several messages from well meaning family and friends asking if there's any signs of baby coming. It's harmless, they're just checking up, it's all friendly, I know I know, but gosh it's annoying! I rant to myself then send a nice friendly message back. Take care OP

Doghorsechicken · 28/03/2019 09:45

I know how you’re feeling OP, it’s so annoying! And once you go over your due date all and sundry will message you daily. I was so close to telling people to f* off! You are probably being unreasonable but I can sympathise with how irritating it is. Even some of my husbands customers messaged me daily. People that I’ve only said hello to. “Any signs yet?” No, but even if there were signs you are definitely not on my list of people to tell.

JassyRadlett · 28/03/2019 09:46

I think this is one of those areas where a person thinks they are coming across as thoughtful/interested/caring but it in fact can come across to the person who is already very bored of being pregnant as ‘WHERE IS THAT BABY BROOD MARE’, particularly when asked repeatedly.

I suspect a ‘how are you feeling’ would give her exactly the same information but not annoy you, because it would be more clear she was asking about you and showing she cares about you, rather than you feeling like she’s asking how you’re getting on with delivering the thing she’s actually interested in.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 28/03/2019 09:48

We had this, it was driving my DH up the wall more, so he had a very gentle word, and confirmed that of course we'd tell them when things happened and it tailed off, or maybe the in-laws just kept asking my DH!

However, my parents still hassled me for information, as well as my husband's co-workers! He used to tell them that yeah I'd had the baby, but he just thought he'd leave us in the hospital and come to work instead. That made them rethink asking every day. It was my first and I went 10 days over, the constant asking drove me crazy!

AuntieCJ · 28/03/2019 09:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ijustdontunderstandher · 28/03/2019 09:51

Just tell her outright that it’s causing you to stress, I’m sure she’s just excited but if it’s making you nervous then she should want to stop

RChick · 28/03/2019 09:51

This is why no one knows my actual due date this time around!

foxsbiscuit · 28/03/2019 09:52

YABU I'm surprised more people aren't asking you. Just say not yet and move on. You are looking for an issue where there isn't one

Dyingforchocolate · 28/03/2019 09:53

It's very annoying, I felt like I was due to murder someone by my due date because everyone kept asking me, but as your due date gets closer it probably will get worse and more people will ask. If it's really annoying you speak to her about it or ask your DH to. On the flip side how would you feel if she wasn't checking on you and wasn't interested?

Oliversmumsarmy · 28/03/2019 09:54

You could have this for weeks to come. Dd was 20 days over.

Elmo311 · 28/03/2019 09:56

Nope, not unreasonable at all! Why can't family understand that if anything happens they will be informed?! I found it SO irritating too!

I found it so frustrating that in the end i just told everyone to stop asking me. That i would let them know when baby was here and that's that. I didn't want to be 'bugged'. They all took it well and backed off a bit!

I don't mind people being excited, it is nice but when you're already anxious about babies impending arrival it does not help.
I ended up having a 3 day labour, with an emergency c section. We didn't tell anyone until he was here and I'm so glad we did it that way because of how long the labour was!

This time, i have also done what PP have said and given a 2 weeks due date difference. And IT IS BLISS!!!!!

Good luck OP. Your MIL sounds lovely, just explain to her how you are feeling and hope she understands.

SecondTimeCharm · 28/03/2019 09:56

Completely understand and empathise, both my dd were very overdue plus one born almost on Christmas Day so the amount of questions I got near the end of both pregnancies drove me mad!

In the end I turned off all my message/WhatsApp notifications and hid myself away a bit, and got DH to have a gentle word with his very keen DM

Could your DH assure MIL she’ll be one of the first to know and maybe mention that you’re finding the asking a bit stressful?

Good luck

oh4forkssake · 28/03/2019 09:58

This is why no one knows my actual due date this time around!

Right decision. It was also why, when I went into labour with DD2, the only people who knew were DMIL (coming to babysit DD1) and DSIL & DBIL (who claim I still owe them for the babysitter they then had to pay for that night ).

DM was NOT impressed the following morning when I rang her to tell her she had another grandchild. But given that I'd also laboured overnight with DD1 and knew she'd had no sleep as she was waiting for news, figured there was no point in neither of us getting any rest!

Honestly OP, you need to just deal with it. If this bothers you so badly, you're going to have a hell of a time dealing with the parenting advice that's about to come your way.

darceybussell · 28/03/2019 09:59

We just replied to MIL every time with 'you'll be the first to know as soon as it does!' DH even sent that to her when I was in the hospital in labour. She was a bit miffed that we had lied to her but she soon got over it once she'd met the baby!

TwoShades1 · 28/03/2019 09:59

Could a she be fended off a bit with something along the line so of “we will tell you as soon as anything happens as we will need you to come feed the cat/walk the dogs/water house plant/make DP some food”. That way she knows that she won’t “miss out” when the time comes.

burritofan · 28/03/2019 10:03

YANBU! We're the same gestation and anyone who texts or messages me about twinges, signs, or "have you had the baby yet?" gets a "Yes, last week, did I not mention?" reply then muted.

If your MIL is texting/calling, put her on mute. If this is in person, YWNBU to get DH to have a word. She needs to calm down. Even if you did have twinges & signs, are you supposed to let her know about every piece of mucus plug?!

SoupDragon · 28/03/2019 10:06

Reason number 23,546 that I hope I never have a son.

Don't worry, you can still be an interfering MIL to whoever a daughter marries.

SmarmyMrMime · 28/03/2019 10:14

YANBU. I remember being in an odd mood my last couple of weeks with DS2 and just wanting to be left alone. Things like the neighbour lining the shared drive with new rocks making reversing off it even harder when I was already finding it hard to turn and having to sit in an odd position just to fit in the car and still reach the pedals did bring me to the brink of my sanity. I did just retain enough self restraint not to go storming off as quickly as I could stagger on my crutches

Having had a long tough birth first time, I just wanted to keep it strictly to need to know only.

It is nice that people care about how you and baby are doing, but it doesn't stop it being irritating in the fog of hormones/ discomfort/ pain/ anxiety that are the final weeks of pregnancy.

Politely stating that you will let her know when you have news to report is the best way.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 28/03/2019 10:18

No expectant mum needs additional stress of any kind. And whilst it might seem a minor infringement to other posters, it's stressful for YOU. And that's what matters here. If ever there were a time of life when you are entitled to put yourself first, front and centre then this is it: for your own sake and that of your baby. Stop replying to any such requests. I like the PP's idea of turning your phone onto airplane mode or 'do not disturb'. Hand everything over to your DP, and do so without feeling a guilty conscience!

PS. Good luck with the delivery and congratulations on your soon-to-be new family

ElsieMc · 28/03/2019 10:19

I know it's annoying op and perhaps you should have been a bit more woolly with dates. Saying that, I gave a later date to my mil, who promptly looked at my maternity notes and corrected me. Yes, she was a nurse on the maternity ward. I knew she would have a good nosey at my notes.

If it makes you feel any better, my previous neighbours would accost me each time I popped to the shop making helpful suggestions such as going for a jog around the block with me there and then or going to the chinese for a takeaway as that was sure to start things off along with other "helpful" ruder suggestions.

Take a deep breath and avoid contact with her. Luckily for me I gave birth whilst mil was off duty and my dh told her later that night, last on the list for being an annoying busybody who could not respect boundaries.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 28/03/2019 10:20

She's happy and excited for you. Why would you shit on her cornflakes? You don't sound a very nice person. Maybe get a grip and be nice.

No need for that at all. Why do people get off on saying unnecessarily combative things like this? I suggest this PP applies their own advice to themselves.

limpbizkit · 28/03/2019 10:26

You are being unfair. I'm the grand scheme of things where MIL behaviour is concerned this is so mild it shouldn't even be on the radar. She's probably just making conversation. Try not to let the most innocent of comments rile you. You sound a bit touchy. But you're heavily pregnant and i remember feeling very over sensitive when pregnant. It's only looking back I realise it. Try to chill otherwise you might end up looking fur problems with your MIL where there aren't any and when the baby is a little older you might need her and others for support so try not to push her away over very minor indescretions. Good luck with your baby and birth

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