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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL and impending birth

102 replies

Greywalls12 · 28/03/2019 08:14

I'm very pregnant, due in 2 weeks and every couple of days for the past week she's been asking me if I've 'had any twinges' which is really starting to grate on me.

I'm more of the mind of trying not to think every little feeling is the start of labour, cause I just get dissapointed when it's not! It's our first baby so chances are I'll probably be late, and I'd just like to get on with things rather than be reminded how nothing's happening yet!
AIBU to be annoyed?
And AIBU to either ask her, or get DH to ask her to stop asking me about it?
No one else asks me, it's just her!

OP posts:
Piffle11 · 28/03/2019 08:49

She's excited! And tbh that's what everyone was asking me close to the birth. I really don't see why she needs to be told not to ask: every couple of days for the past week … so 3 or 4 times? That's not much, really! You may be more upset if she showed no interest (looking at my MIL). It's a short question that has an even shorter response - I'd try to not let it bother you.

Original poster
Greywalls12 · 28/03/2019 08:50

And no it's not her first grandchild, she has a few already.
My parents don't ask anything, they know I'll tell them when the time comes/baby's here and it's their first grandchild! But they know me a lot better than MIL and know I don't like the constant asking and would much prefer it that way.

OP posts:
RHTawneyonabus · 28/03/2019 08:51

You are actually being unreasonable, you are also however massively pregnant - the one time that’s totally allowed!. Just tell her she’s bugging you then blame hormones.

VladmirsPoutine · 28/03/2019 08:52

I'd bet my house that you'll be back here in a couple of years complaining that she asked if she could take your toddler out to the park and buy him/her some lunch on the way back home.

Heaven forfend that she might want a cuddle once your newborn arrives.

GnomeDePlume · 28/03/2019 08:53

YANBU

She probably doesnt realise how often she is asking. Get your DH to ask her gently to back off a bit.

PositiveDiscipline · 28/03/2019 08:54

YABU but you are allowed to BU at this stage.

In these last few weeks you need to make yourself the priority before your baby is born. If people are irritating you then turn off your phone and messaging and tell them you are not sleeping, feeling tired and stressed and you need to rest and sleep. Make them think their calls and texts are disturbing you.

Then grab a massive bowl of Hagen Daas Belgium chocolate and a spoon, some fresh orange, family bag of kettle chips and settle yourself with some rubbish TV and enjoy the last 2 weeks. You deserve it. You will need the calories so eat what you like.

Treaclesweet · 28/03/2019 08:57

I had to send a copy pasted message to all friends and family in the end. Something like, please don't take this personally but multiple people have been asking me every day and I'm already feeling stressed out and very tired to being pregnant. I promise when it starts you'll be the first to know!

Maybe coat it in, lots of people have been asking so it's not just you sort of thing?

AlaskanSnow · 28/03/2019 08:57

I had this, from about 4 people twice a day. All dressed up as concern/excitement but it really really fucked me off!

In the end I did a FB status asking people to STOP. ASKING. ME.
That worked, and good job as I went overdue - would have driven me mad.

You do have to say something OP, but you can say it nicely.

averythinline · 28/03/2019 08:57

Ask your DH to talk to her and he will tell her - when you want to tell tehm...he can manage communications...

Personally I would block her...you can unblock her later if you want ...but for now you need no more stress...

MissSmith80 · 28/03/2019 08:58

I am getting the same - but from my parents and not the IL's. They are so excited, they just want to talk about baby's arrival all of the time. It's a bit annoying but I also have to recognise that I'm hormonal and over thinking things. I have once or twice said 'don't worry, apart from OH, you'll be the first to know if there are any developments' but they've not taken the hint yet. I just remind myself that I am very lucky (and baby will be too) to have grandparents who care so much and will offer us all so much love. Good luck xx

Original poster
Greywalls12 · 28/03/2019 09:12

@VladmirsPoutine of course, how dare my MIL even think about asking to take her future grandchild to the park. Hmm
Next step after this is actually NC
BiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuit

OP posts:
Wallsbangers · 28/03/2019 09:14

I'd just tell her to stop asking you. You could just say you're getting daily questions from everyone and it's making you nervous/fed up.

Alternatively, tell her, in depth, about all the sex you're having with her son to make the baby hurry up.

winbinin · 28/03/2019 09:15

Set up a WhatsApp group that includes her and a couple of close friends/family you trust to keep the reason behind the group a secret. In it announce that some casual acquaintances have been driving you mad asking ‘have you started yet’, can they all ask people not to do it and that they will all be the first to know when there is any news. Hopefully she will be flattered enough to be part of an inner circle that she will shut up.

And do go easy on her. She sounds excited...and who can blame her for that?

Good luck with it all. Flowers

DoneLikeAKipper · 28/03/2019 09:16

I think some people on here have forgotten how everything gets on your nerves in the last few days of pregnancy. Perhaps, every though it’s AIBU, people could keep that in mind? There’s obviously no hatered towards MiL here, just the same irritations most of have gone through when not feeling great.

christinarossetti19 · 28/03/2019 09:16

I agree that you need to find a way to let her know that what you recognise as her interest and excitement is causing you anxiety.

I think people genuinely don't realise that what to them comes from a place of interest actually comes over as irritating, intrusive and anxiety-provoking. It felt to me like people thought I was a bit out of tune with my body and somehow needed them to remind me I was due to give birth, which was irritating when in reality you can't forget for a moment that you're in late pregnancy.

It can be very casual, depending on your relationship - 'Oh, mil, I know that you mean well, but people keep asking are really stressing me out. Hormones, eh? Can we leave it that me and dh will let you know as soon as it looks like something's happening? Thanks so much - really appreciated.'

JassyRadlett · 28/03/2019 09:20

‘Oh yes, we had the baby on Wednesday night, didn’t I mention? Sorry, totally slipped my mind, busy old week, been really caught up watching all the Brexit votes on parliament TV.’

Original poster
Greywalls12 · 28/03/2019 09:24

@JassyRadlett Oh i want to say this so bad, but I don't think it'll go down too well GrinGrin

OP posts:
cranstonmanor · 28/03/2019 09:24

This is why DH and I decided to tell everyone the 40 week date knowing full well that I wasn't allowed to go over 38 weeks due to medical reasons. Next time, add two weeks and tell everyone that.

Middledistancerunner · 28/03/2019 09:25

I’m not trying to play ‘worst mil top trumps’ but my mil assured me at 18 weeks that it wasn’t too late for an abortion.

Generally she is lovely, a dont think just say type of person, and just worried about our finances (I hope) so I laughed it off.
Be nice to the people who care about you, it’s lovely she’s excited for you.

outpinked · 28/03/2019 09:25

YABU although I fully understand why. She doesn’t mean any harm and is probably just over excited but I do completely understand why it’s irritating.

Gamersthumb · 28/03/2019 09:26

So much for women supporting women eh?
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

JaneEyre07 · 28/03/2019 09:30

I'd feel grateful she was excited.

I never got to meet my MIL - she died when DH was 18. He's never got over losing her, and our DC being born was a really tough time for him when my Mum came in but his couldn't.

Your MIL is always going to love your baby. I'd say that makes life easier than harder. Good luck Flowers

Drum2018 · 28/03/2019 09:35

Each time she asks say no and give her indepth details about your piles, constipation, how awkward it is to find a comfortable position for sex, moan about your swollen ankles etc. She might not ask again Grin

UserFriendly14 · 28/03/2019 09:36

You are definitely NOT BU. I had this multiple times and ended up being 11 days late too Angry My mum was even suggesting sex at one point Hmm

Just tell your DP to have a word and turn off your notifications.

Enjoy these last few days as best you can!

QueenOfCatan · 28/03/2019 09:37

Tell her outright "constantly asking is stressing me out, I will not be responding to anything like this any more." then just don't. She won't be the first unfortunately. I had to tell everybody to stop by 40 weeks, DD was 10 days late me we were in hospital for 2 days not using our phones whilst I was in labour so had we been responding at that point we would have had a lot of people calling and checking up on us! (though we had loads of texts still!)

DH had to tell mil to back off and stop going on about her birth with him by 7 months as every time I saw her she repeated her birth story and went on about how his big head tore her to pieces. Thanks MIL. she then made a point of saying how she'd been banned from talking about it any more every time she saw me after he (politely!) asked her to stop as it was worrying us!