To ask what the worst thing your pet has done?

[GoosetheCat]

I got in this morning after doing the weekly shop to find my fur brat has chewed the zip off one of my sofa cushions and ripped out all the stuffing 🙈

And she greeted me at the door, proud as punch and wagging tail, the little shit 😂 I have yet to tell DP.

What's the worst thing your fur brats has done?

DDog Chewing a pen with free flowing ink so that ink leaked on to brand new cream carpet. We don’t speak of the time she ate fox poo which then made her really constipated and wasn’t really digestived.

Ddog2 killed an innocent bird which was minding its own buisiness. Traumatised me for ages. and ate rat poison once. He was a proper cheeky thing so harder to pinpoint actual incidents

Ddog1 ate a whole vat of clotted cream which was meant for customers. And dgm lovingly handmade 70th birthday chocolate cake

One DCat had the temerity to sink her teeth right up to the gumline in my thumb because I was attempting to remove the piece of plastic she'd eaten (out of spite because I'd said it wasn't dinner time yet) from where it was completely blocking her airway and was about to kill her. I raised that ungrateful madam by hand from 4 weeks old and that was how she repaid me - my saving her from death or a visit to the vet being replaced by me sat in the Minor Injuries Clinic whilst a nurse pulled apart the holes in my thumb to irrigate it before giving me a bunch of injections.

The current TwatCat got me into contact with the man who would become my DP by managing for the first and last time ever, to escape the back garden. Future DP lived a couple of gardens down and I knew him but not that much - so I messaged him to ask if he could keep an eye out, as I could hear the fucking imbecile howling his head off somewhere over the ten foot high wall. Future DP went out and checked (at which point TwatCat stopped making any sound). TwatCat only reappeared the following morning down the side of the next door neighbour's shed. Future DP messaged me to ask how he was, we carried on talking and....yeah, you get the idea.

Three years later, TwatCat brought us another pet. A fucking hamster. No idea where that came from, but it lived in our spare room for around nine months.

I let one of dogs sleep in the bed. He was curled up next to me when I felt something warm and wet. It was diarrhoea all over me!
Same dog went for a run near a river up in Scotland when we on holiday and came bag covered in poo and toilet paper! Got to love the poo stories!

I think the classiest worst thing an animal has done is, though, was how DP's old cat reacted to his XP chucking him out (after being caught emptying the bank account/financial abuse). The XP had very expensive tastes in clothes and footwear probably because she wasn't fucking paying for it, the money earmarked for the rent did , but she wasn't prepared to let him take his cat.

That darling animal shat in one of every single pair of shoes and boots over the course of a week when she went on holiday. At around £200 - £250 a pair (some nearer £400), it had probably seen off around four grand plus before she'd even had more than a couple of sangrias.

Our lurcher eats all of our underwear, we have to keep the washing baskets locked in the bathroom.

Our cat used to bring us worms when he was younger, you'd go and sit on the sofa and there would be a big worm sitting next to you.

He's moved on to birds now, but he takes them to the neighbour!

He has also been brought back by the neighbours when my son left the gate open and they found him on their sofa

I'd just discovered you can cook a whole chicken in the slow cooker and had cooked it to perfection, literally took it out and put it on a plate, carved a sneaky slice and put it to one side to cool. Took a load of washing upstairs, came back down and chicken had gone... Looked in oven, fridge, cupboards, bin, shouted at DH thinking you greedy fucker, you've polished that whole chicken off and flung the carcass. Nope, dog had it away. She had never ever done it before so never crossed my mind she'd eaten. I sat up all night with her worried sick that the bones would splinter and cause her harm CF just slept like a baby with a full belly.

Also my DLY departed lab would eat contents of DS nappy if I wasn't quick enough to get it wrapped up and bagged. Vile.

My 14 week old puppy sat on my friends shoes whilst he was wearing them and done a massive wee

We grew up on a little island that had its own fenced sewage plant. That meant, open pools of raw sewage. Everything looked orderly and there were machines and pumps doing stuff, but I really don't know why there were open cesspits. Our lovely white and orange dog used to run off regularly and come home wet and brown. And then, because dogs shake their for when wet, she would paint us and our outdoor walls in flecks of raw sewage. The fences never stopped her. It remains the most disgusting childhood memory I have.

Oh, I forgot TwatCat's other little peccadilo.

Chip shop chips.

The greedy little fucker decided to steal some that the idiot DP had left unattended on the countertop. There was half a small portion up there when he went to bed and the plate was empty the following morning when DP got up after I'd gone to work, completely unaware of his stupidity and messiness error of judgement.

Came home and after about a hour, I wondered where TwatCat was, as he usually stomps all over me when I get in as if to complain that he's been neglected all day, so I asked DP if he'd seen him.

'Yeah, I think he's got a bit of a tummy ache because he's been laying down all day and not eating since he had my chips'.

I have a fit, start tearing the house apart to try and find my beloved arsehole animal and, when he doesn't appear, start frantically googling whether chips kill cats.

Two hours later, he emerges from the room where the litter tray is kept and swans around like he owns the place, leaping up on me as I was wearing a new, white top. The smell hits us roughly thirty seconds later, because he's not only made a turd bigger than a human on Movicol, he's decided to eject it from the tray and booted it out in pieces, along with half the litter. Except for the bits he's got embedded in his back feet.

Bastard animal. Idiot DP.

These are brilliant!

My first dog was PTS when I was young but DF has always had many a story of him ripping up sofas & the likes.

I had a couple of hamsters growing up (individually) and both escaped whilst staying at my grandparents, yet never whilst at home?

Reading through these I feel quite lucky with current Ddog, aside from her one (and hopefully only) chance at escaping only a few weeks after adoption, chewing through the internet cable, weeing on DFs bed and pulling up the carpet in a holiday apartment (which we luckily managed to get back down with a bloody fork!). Wouldn't change her for the world though.

@steppemum ours too!

My cat stole a rubber glove from a neighbour and brought it to me as a gift. It was pink and feather-trimmed and said YUMMY MUMMY on it (clearly she's a clever cat and can read ) The next day she brought me the matching one, so I had a pair.

A week later she brought a THIRD one in.

When I was a kid we lived abroad (military family). Ddog left in the car whilst parents picked my sister and I up from the compound where the British school was. Came back to find the dog had eaten her way through the drivers seat upholstery, every seatbelt and had taken a chunk out of the steering wheel leather. It was a very quiet journey home from school that night. I think it was karma for my parents leaving the dog in the car in the first place and not bringing her out with them

Shit in my bed 😫

@CarlsRightEye

Off topic, but I'm on a break at work and obviously tired because my eyes and brain mashed your username together with your post and I read

'Shit in my eye'

I was relieved to realise I was mistaken!

Loving these, have some of my own to add.

I was in labour, leaning on my bed to stretch my achey back. Dcat jumped up on the bed right next to me,spun around in a circle and let out the biggest stream of piss imaginable.

Different Dcat celebrated my birthday one year by bringing home a fancy goldfish he'd swiped from someone's pond. Quickly rescued and placed in our empty pond, the fish lived.

Yet another Dcat has been known to swipe cat food pouches and sneak them upstairs before tearing them open and having a little picnic on my bed. Bastard.

Another time, my neighbour had been surprised to wake up from an afternoon nap in his armchair to find one of my little bastards curled up snoring on his lap. The shame.

@springersrock I can still remember the day my friend's dog rolled in a dead seal. 50 years later the mention of seal still makes me feel sick.

Earlier I was reading a few recent AIBU threads and was quite disillusioned at how rude some posters can be. Now I'm crying with laughter reading these posts. What a tonic. Thank you all for sharing!

My pets are only guilty of bog-standard naughtiness. Our little terrier ate a large portion of cheese meant as a present for family. Sicked up most of it. Used to empty the kitchen bin all over the floor when I was out. Rolls in disgusting smelly stuff like sick. Occasionally eats other dogs' poo.

I'd set up the cot all ready for new baby, clean sheets etc., and then found my black cat sitting in it. She didn't normally go in that room so she probably guessed something was up.

While we were away on holiday one of our cats muscled his way into our closed bedroom, damaging the door handle, and peed on our bed. The same cat uses a the wall above the stairs as a scratching post, shredding the wallpaper.

My sister's retriever tried to eat a bag of toffees, getting his teeth stuck together.

Peed in the bed whilst I was in it.

Then I felt guilty and let her back in the bed when I remade it.

Oh my dogs are the most vile, revolting disgusting bastard things that ever lived I swear to God.

Eldest dog was murder for rolling in and eating shit typically of a puppy but one day she ate a big pile of dog shit some lazy arsed owner didn't pick up, threw it down her neck only to spew it all back up again ten minutes later. Vomited another dog's turd onto my living room floor.

Round about the same time she went rolling in another dog's foul diarrhoea and really went for it she had this dog's arse innards stuck inside her ears, paws, all over her collar it was absolutely the most grim thing I ever witnessed.

She cottoned on to the fact that rolling in stuff came with a price and if the more disgusting thing she rolls in, the harder she has to settle up in cash – usually by means of getting hosed off at the yard.
Can tell when she's found something with a real high rollage value when you hear her making loud sex noises with all fours in the air “Arrgghggalrllrrllll”

Using nothing that gross nowadays but I heard the noises that said she'd found something good once in the horse's field. Really going hell for leather too and not for getting up and coming back until I gave her a “Oi GET OVER HERE!!|”

She had a dead hedgehog stuck to her fur and it was hanging from her as she trotted back over looking so chuffed with herself. I'm assuming / hoping it was dead before the horses trampled it because it was a very flattened hoof shaped hedgehog which of course was a major novelty she can't usually get that close to hogs without it hurting so there it was... dead and flattened as fuck just waiting for her.

She even made her own way to the yard like “I know.. I know hose and brush time..."

One of her favourite things to do at home just for fun is find and roll on the most random stuff she finds lying around the house. A bit of popcorn, a mushroom she's found behind the bin or a chocolate sweet in its wrapper. Never eats them or even scrapes the surface with her teeth she carefully picks them up, throws them around a bit and then rolls for ages having a blast.

Does it with spiders too and we get those enormous house spiders with tiny bodies and big spindly legs. Picks them up by a leg, throws it around and you can see it trying to scramble away but she'll keep tormenting it and following it round the room giving it a nudge with her nose now and then before going back in to get his leg and throw the poor bastard around some more.

I don't like spiders but seeing them being toyed with like killer whales throwing a seal around is awful. “Get off dog leave it leave.... OH FFS SHE'S THROWING IT EURRGGH!!!!!”

Even the pony manages to get shit up so bad he looks like a heroin addict that's been rummaging in bins.

My pets are remarkably good babies so far but my parents got a rescue cat whom has loved and been in the family for 14 years, my parents had just spent an absolute fortune on redecorating the house and had very thick expensive wallpaper which dcat decided he did not like the colour so he scratched all of the wallpaper I mean obliterated the walls so my poor parents had to do it all over again! Luckily he is very loved and hasn't done it since

Oh I completely forgot my now deceased cat shredded my beautiful wedding dress and veil, she had snuck in my bedroom and I had planned in selling the dress as desperate needed it so I had the dress hung up waiting to be collected, I was so embarrassed having to call up said buyer and go erm I'm really sorry my cats shredded the dress and veil you cant have it! Still miss the little madam

Ah also my current cat decided he didn't like new ddog and climbed on her and pissed all over, wasn't nice having to shower poor dog and wash its bedding and toys, absolutely stank