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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why won't he tell them ?!

66 replies

Rainstopped · 27/03/2019 08:42

DH generally sees DSS on Saturday's while it's his sports season. Takes DSS to his game then they hang out. Easy pattern has formed. This weekend we going away, DSS still hasn't told DSS or his mum that he won't be about. His reason, I'm busy/stressed, I'll get to it. I think his reason is he doesn't want Ex and DSS kicking off because he is choosing to go away with me and not including DSS.
So he's trying to avoid the issue.
AIBU to think it's shitty behaviour, with notice this could have been handled with easy. If I was ex I would have assumed this would be happening and would be annoyed to get let down at last minute....

OP posts:
BitchQueen90 · 27/03/2019 15:18

Even if it was a contact weekend it still wouldn't make him a "shit dad" for missing it as a one off for a family event. Some of these responses are Hmm

It's the way he's gone about it that's wrong.

TheInvestigator · 27/03/2019 15:23

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

It doesn't matter. He and the ex are co-parents and they've clearly got an arrangement of EOW plus sport sessions. That's what they've chosen to arrange and agree too. If they need to skip one of those commitments then that's fine provided he gives enough notice. He hasn't bothered.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 27/03/2019 15:24

It might not be his weekend, but his son is expecting him to take him to his sport. He needs to get a grip and just tell his son and ex he can’t do it this particular weekend

InfiniteSheldon · 27/03/2019 15:27

Neither I, nor my son would have been unduly phased by this. Its not his weekend its mine I would just take my ds to the sport myself and we'd both have enjoyed it as a change. Fuss about nothing and I loathed my ex!

combatbarbie · 27/03/2019 15:31

The longer he leaves it the more of a shit storm it's going to to cause.

Out of interest how old is DSS

bullyingadvice2017 · 27/03/2019 15:37

So he's seen him last Saturday and not told him? That's a shit trick. How to make his son trust and respect him eh.

What does he do if you ever have to have a conversation he dosent want to have? I'm guessing he is a avoider!

Original poster
Rainstopped · 27/03/2019 21:27

He told them. Ex and DSS collectively very annoyed. (Understandably) however DSS is now demanding that he gets taken away this weekend as it isn't fair for him to miss out. 'He should be going away with his dad not me' - his words. Ex's view point is he should be spending his money on DS not me. (Missing the point of his family birthday) DH has offered to take him to sport and drop him off after, then we can leave. We'll miss lunch and drinks but can make the planned and paid for activity. Not good enough, ex said unless he takes him away this weekend, she'll make sure she's not home for DH to drop him off.
I guess you reap what you sow .....

OP posts:
AnneOfCleanTables · 27/03/2019 21:34

Why do they think it's about you? You did say you 'didn't force the booking' which does imply you were involved with it in some way. It almost sounds as though there's more to this than you're admitting and that, at some level, you're competing with his DS for time at the weekend.

Ashleymc1988 · 27/03/2019 21:46

Nightmare, I'm in this exact position in both ways. As in both myself and fiancé have one child from previous relationship and now 3 month old together. So I understand all points of view as we are a fully blended family. Your dh handled this terribly as with myself & ex we give dates (he gets our daughter every Friday) she's away at a dance comp this weekend - he knew this in January before it was booked. He's away in April to Ireland I knew this two weeks ago. Constant communication & then arranging alternate dates if suits around his work

However my fiancé & his ex just have a terrible time he buries his head in the sand avoiding things & I try & explain from "the mums point of view" as I can relate. But equally she can be so difficult but there's zero communication & at the end the child is the one who suffers. This wasn't a big deal if it was said weeks ago. Also I think it'll be easy to blame you, again we're kind of going through this with my dss just now because we've just had a baby it's been tough. And it's easy to blame the partner rather than the parents

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 28/03/2019 09:51

Well I guess that's what happens when you stick your head in the sand and don't deal with a problem - the shitstorm gathers and now it's falling on his head.

Sounds like your DSS is being difficult on principle though - unless he really doesn't like you - but either way, your DP's weekend, and by extrapolation, yours, is fucked.

Hopefully he'll learn a lesson from this, eh?

outpinked · 28/03/2019 10:15

Crap way to treat both his ex and DSS. You should never drop it on someone last minute unless it can’t be avoided. He should have given notice as soon as you booked the trip way.

Helga55 · 28/03/2019 14:52

'She'll make sure she's not there when he drops him off'? Well, in that case, he doesn't pick him up in the first place & you go on your weekend away as planned

I agree he's handled it badly, however the attitude the DSS has seems to be coming from the mother... I imagine he's old enough to realise & understand people have lives? And occasionally that may include choosing or compromising

WhiteCat1704 · 28/03/2019 15:03

Well that might be your reason as to why be wasn't telling them.

Presumably he knows his ex better then you or people on this forum and knew she would be unreasonable.

He should 100% stand his ground now. You go away, ex takes her son on her weekend. No compromise. It's none of their business what he spends his money on.

If he gives in you will NEVER have a normal relationship as ex and son won't let it happen.

EarlyWarning · 28/03/2019 15:15

Whoaaa, hang on. I agree that it's shitty to have left it so late to tell them, BUT

What he does on his weekends without DSS is NONE of his concern nor that of the Ex.

What he spends his money on, provided he makes the appropriate contribution to DSS's needs, NONE of her concern.

If you have a weekend away on his weekend off having DSS (notwithstanding the issue of telling them late) he is NOT obliged to reciprocate and take DSS for a weekend away. That isn't how it works, you are entitled to your own life and it's nothing to do with them.

I'd be nipping this in the bud right now or you're making a rod for your own back. Believe me.

timeisnotaline · 28/03/2019 19:46

Hmm this is very shitty on everyone’s part but I think your dp has to not pick him up at all given ex’a Ridiculous ultimatum for what’s her weekend. and if he does end up picking him up it should only be with a list of 3 other people he says he will drop his ds at if she isn’t home. Shitty for ds, but you do need to be able to have weekends away.

timeisnotaline · 07/04/2019 09:44

What happened op?

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