Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why won't he tell them ?!

66 replies

Rainstopped · 27/03/2019 08:42

DH generally sees DSS on Saturday's while it's his sports season. Takes DSS to his game then they hang out. Easy pattern has formed. This weekend we going away, DSS still hasn't told DSS or his mum that he won't be about. His reason, I'm busy/stressed, I'll get to it. I think his reason is he doesn't want Ex and DSS kicking off because he is choosing to go away with me and not including DSS.
So he's trying to avoid the issue.
AIBU to think it's shitty behaviour, with notice this could have been handled with easy. If I was ex I would have assumed this would be happening and would be annoyed to get let down at last minute....

OP posts:
Hotpinkangel19 · 27/03/2019 10:38

What if his ex has plans that can't be cancelled? What a coward.

TheInvestigator · 27/03/2019 10:40

Seriously, what if the ex says no. This is his time and childcare is his job and she isn't going to cover for him. What happens?

Aubaine · 27/03/2019 10:41

Him making the booking and it being a family event make his lack of informing his ex even worse. It’s like he’s almost willingly wanting to worsen his relationship with his ex and cause stress and upset for his son.

sue51 · 27/03/2019 10:44

If its a family event shouldn't DSS be there too?

Iwrotethissongfor · 27/03/2019 10:44

I take it it’s his son that is participating in sport not your husband? So someone is going to have to take him to that this Saturday (not just look after son at home), it should be your husband, he’s not going to be there but hasn’t not made alternative plans, ie for his sibling or parents to take him, to offer that to the child’s mum when he tells her he can’t make it? He shouldn’t unilaterally change the plan anyway without checking first let alone just give appropriate notice when made a plan.

Incidentally I really hope it is the son’s activity and not his dad playing 5 a side with his mates or something and making his son sit there for it when only have limited time together.

Jaxhog · 27/03/2019 10:57

100% his booking, with his family for a special birthday. Not a romantic weekend away that I'll be dumped for over his child.

This is what makes it doubly shit. Do you think he's trying to get out of the weekend? Still shit - this time for his family and you. Tell him, if he doesn't tell her today - you will. And do it. Then he can deal with the fallout. But at least his ex will know.

AnneOfCleanTables · 27/03/2019 11:09

Is he secretly planning to bring DSS along? If it's a family weekend, it would make more sense to include DSS than dump him at the last minute.

sackrifice · 27/03/2019 11:10

If it is with his family for a special birthday, is he going to tell you at the last minute that his son is also coming?

Maybe that's why he isn't telling his ex.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 27/03/2019 11:14

If its a family event shouldn't DSS be there too?

Exactly my thoughts. Why isn't DSS going too?

Dramatical · 27/03/2019 11:14

He should have asked his ex if she was ok to have the DC that weekend before booking it.

ChicCroissant · 27/03/2019 11:15

Why isn't he taking his son on the family weekend, then? How strange!

sackrifice · 27/03/2019 11:26

Why isn't he taking his son on the family weekend, then?

He probably is, he just hasn't told the OP about it yet.

Original poster
Rainstopped · 27/03/2019 11:48

Agree he is being shit. It's not 'our' weekend to have DSS, but every week he takes DSS to sport/hangs out for a bit then takes him home. On weekends he's with us same, but then he stays all weekend.
When sport isn't on he doesn't see him out of pattern. It's a boozy adults weekend away for a big birthday. Not child friendly. No one else is taking kids.
If it was me I would front up and say, happy to take DC to sport, however in 6 weeks time I can't. But he's avoiding it as he knows all hell will break loose.
He's not a shit dad.
I'm not about to get dumped as I'm less important than DC.
I didn't force the booking.
Nor is DSS about to come on a boozy weekend away.
Just wish DH would rip the band aid off and deal with it. !!!!

OP posts:
DontCallMeCharlotte · 27/03/2019 12:03

Oh I think in your case I'd sit back and watch him deal with the fall out from ex: not for being a "bad dad" by missing a week but for being a cowardly baby.

Anyway, enjoy your weekend away!

TheInvestigator · 27/03/2019 12:04

It doesn't matter if it's not "your weekend" it has become "your activity". He does it every time his son has a sport. It is regular contact and would be considered 'yours'.

So he needs to make alternative arrangements or you can't go.

AnneOfCleanTables · 27/03/2019 12:13

He's not telling her because he doesn't want to deal with it. Since he has no intention of cancelling the weekend, he knows he can't make his ex or child happy. I'm guessing he thinks that the earlier he tells them, the longer he'll get grief from them about his priorities. He's trying to limit the time they can complain to him. Quite an unattractive trait.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/03/2019 13:21

He's going to pull a sickie, isn't he.
And then he's going to get caught out when the ex somehow finds out he was away boozing with his family, and all hell will break loose.

You're right, he should have told her by now, and his son - this fucking sucks, the idle coward.

Annonymiss123 · 27/03/2019 14:18

If its a family event shouldn't DSS be there too?

My thoughts exactly.

Leeds2 · 27/03/2019 14:27

Could OH be intending to take DSS to his activity, take him straight home afterwards and then drive you and him to the venue?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/03/2019 14:28

OP has answered this - it's an adult only boozy weekend event, no other children attending. So No.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 27/03/2019 14:30

What if his ex has plans to go away? Massively rude and inconsiderate of him. Not only to his ds but to his ex too.

Does he collect from school on a Friday? Be interested to see what he does if his ex is on a plane for a weekend break.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/03/2019 14:33

It's not his weekend

GreenEggsHamandChips · 27/03/2019 14:34

You say hes not a shitty dad....

But he arranged to go away, over your DSS' weekend, didnt tell anyone, and didnt make arrangements for anyone else to look after him.

He basically is telling his son he couldnt care less. Its the definition of shitty

BitchQueen90 · 27/03/2019 14:45

He's handled this very badly.

Does his ex have form for being unreasonable or something?

I'm divorced and I have no issues with my ex going away with his girlfriend as long as I know in advance. And vice versa, if I want to plan something then I tell ex in advance to make sure he can have DS.

If I were expecting ex to have DS and then he cancelled at the last minute because he didn't tell me he was going away then I'd be pissed off.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/03/2019 15:09

IT'S NOT THE DAD'S WEEKEND.

He takes his son to his sport every weekend, regardless of whether it's his weekend or not. That's what he'd be missing, not a contact weekend!

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.