To say I didn't want to go?

[Myusernameisunique]

Bit 1st world problem really but just wanted others opinion on this.
DH working on Sunday, mother's Day. Absolutely not an issue for me at all. I planned to go swimming with DCs and then take them for ice-cream or maybe MacDonalds or similar. Quick and easy, stress free for me!
DH sends me a message today saying to make sure I'm free between 12-2. I messaged back that I planned to go swimming and to remind him he's working (he's extremely forgetful). DH then calls to say he's arranged that myself and the DCs are going for high tea at a pub I worked in a while back. He's sorted taxi there and back as well. I drive so I think it was to allow me to have a drink but I wouldn't bother if I was in my own with two DCs.
I told DH that the high teas in this place aren't very nice plus you get absolutely loads of food which I know from working there and also I don't really want to have a sit-down meal with DCs (3 and 8) in a restaurant as it's quite stressful. Smallest DC especially can get quite fed up and just generally be a nightmare so it's something I'd rather avoid dealing with alone they also normally need to use the toilet every 5 minutes when we're out so id just end up traipsing back and forward to the loo the whole time. When it's all 4 of us you it's easier managed but it's not the chilled out day I'd imagined. I said it was a lovely thought but maybe not such a great idea for the above reasons!
DH then got angry and has basically wentin a huff with me.
I totally see why he'd be a bit annoyed but I feel my reasons are justified for not wanting to do what he arranged and I was never rude i just explained as above. These are also things he knows so I was puzzled he'd made the arrangement in the first place. He'd never go out himself for a proper meal with the DCs.
So WasIBU to say thank you but I don't think it's a very good idea? Should I have just sucked it up so as not to hurt his feelings? I feel a bit bad especially because of his reaction but it would've been a hellish day out and a waste of money because the high tea itself isn't even nice!
Opinions please. I'd like to add though I'm in no way a princess that would've been mad even of I got nothing on Sunday. It really doesn't bother me that much!

[Margot33]

I wouldn't have liked that either. That would be too stressful for me, I wouldnt be able to enjoy my food. Can you do it another day when you're both free?

[ChanandlerBongsLeftShoe]

I do feel for your DH, it sounds like he's just tried to be really thoughtful and surprise you with what he thought you might enjoy. It is hurtful when something you planned and thought your partner would like is rejected. He probably thought you'd be really happy and excited and is now deflated that you aren't.

Of course you shouldn't have to go if you don't want to but I'd perhaps try and be gentle with how I broke that to DH. Maybe saying how much you and the kids would prefer it if you could go together when he's free instead.

[MaybeitsMaybelline]

It’s a really sweet thought, but without any real thinking. Who on earth wants to go for a Mother’s Day high tea with two little ones and mother company. It’s either a ladies lunch or a grandparents afternoon out.

Tbh in the OPs situation i would prefer a movie and wine alone.

[clippityclop]

Wow...your husband's gone to the trouble of arranging something special so be nice!
You worked there a while back so the food might be better now. If your children are 'nightmare' then help them not to be and show them how to have a nice time together. Take them to the loo straight away when you arrive, and again after you've ordered, bring colouring or snap cards to play with, talk to them about what a nice surprise the meal is etc. It's a couple of hours for heaven's sake!

[MyKingdomForBrie]

he tried to do something nice did he though? He knows the things op has pointed out..

[Topseyt]

I think he tried to do something nice and you have been a bit ungrateful to be honest.

He can't be there so he tried to arrange a treat for you and even sorted out a taxi.

Take along a friend or relative to help out with the kids if that helps, but to just reel off a list of negatives is rude. I often took my kids into cafés and pubs when they were that age, sometimes on my own with them. It was fine.

[JoyceDivision]

It,',s shit,! He's arranged something he doesn't have to help.out with
Fuck that, get cinema tickets and slob oit!

[YesItsMeIDontCare]

Not unreasonable for not wanting to go, but very unreasonable about how you told him.

I'd apologise to DH for your reaction, but don't apologise for not wanting to go.

[ChanandlerBongsLeftShoe]

did he though? He knows the things op has pointed out..

So Are we implying he did it to be horrible?

Just because the OP doesn't like the idea doesn't mean it wasn't planned with good intentions.

[maras2]

trouble of arranging something special? As in pick up phone, dial pub, make booking then ditto for taxi
Am I missing something clippityclop What trouble?

[Hollowvictory]

What is this high tea 9f which you speak? It sounds weird, toast the starter then main then scones? Like dinner and afternoon tea all in one meal!? I take it you're in Scotland or Northern Ireland?

[AndItStillSaidFourOfTwo]

'YANBU. He basically wanted to get kudos for forcing his wife to deal with two stroppy children at a pub with bad food.'

This. Plus, I suspect, be off the hook with regard to sorting anything else for her.

[FizzyGreenWater]

Er, surely the idea is that it is supposed to be a treat?

So you explain that his idea is actually not a treat but a chore. And he gets angry rather than saying - ooh ok, I see what you mean, I'll cancel that, is there anything else you'd rather do?'

I absolutely hate people like this - the anger, the huff tells you that they don't actually care about you having a good time. The impetus behind their actions isn't thinking of you and doing a nice thing for you - but doing a nice thing for themselves. They like the thought of doing 'the nice thing' because it makes THEM feel good about themselves. Look at me. Aren't I nice.

You're supposed to smile and nod and do the thing to complete their fantasy self image event - not spoil it by telling them what you would like, or indeed by appearing to have any agency or personality at all.

[Myusernameisunique]

I would also like to point out my DC are generally well behaved and actually doing that with 8yo DC only would've been lovely. 3yo DC is lovely but can be rather contrary and there's no way I would be able to just take DC2 to the loo once when we got there they'd continually ask to go anyway. Maybe I'm just not as great a mum as some of you but a long, drawn out sit down meal with two DCs alone is not my idea of fun. I take DCs out alone on a regular basis but stick to places I know are quick to avoid the stress. Maybe I will arrange the same for him and see how he gets on! For the record he's told me on various occasions he hates going out with DC2 as they can be such hard work. He looks after them alone all day on a Saturday when I'm working and never leaves the house with them!

[TokyoSushi]

Oh no thank you. I eat out with the DC al the time, at super child-friendly places, fast food, Nandos, garden centre cafes and the like. I would not like this at all!

[AndItStillSaidFourOfTwo]

And if she fakes gratitude to spare his feelings, he'll do it again and she'll have years of this.

[rookiemere]

He made a mistake. Yes it was a bit of a stupid idea and I probably would have reacted like you, but is it so dreadful to thank him for the thought and suggest he organises something else instead.

[clippityclop]

maras he obviously has good intentions, and has planned it out so she has fun while he's a work. It could be a lovely occasion, something op and her kids can talk about together and tell Dh about afterwards for ages.

[RSAcre]

Wow...your husband's gone to the trouble of arranging something special so be nice!

Has he?

He's made a couple of phone calls, & the event is timed so he won't be there to participate & share parenting.

Patronising to offer such an ill-advised 'treat' when he ought to know his wife better. Then compounds it with sulking 'cos wife understandably would rather do the activity she's alrady arranged.

[Pigpogtastic]

YANBU, there is no way I would want to do a long meal with a 3 year old. It is very notable how my friends who have younger kids have started suggesting non-lunch arrangements as soon as their kids hit the 2-3 year old stage. I’ve never known one who wanted to sit still for longer than it takes to eat the bare minimum of food.

All the people saying you are being unreasonable seem to have missed the bit where you said he would never take them for a solo meal. If he wouldn’t do it, why does he think it would be a treat for you?

[GlossyTaco]

You did the right thing in saying something op. A long meal out with one adult and two kids sounds like bloody hard work , the most I ever do when I'm out alone with my two is grab a toastie at café Nero or the like. When I was a single parent I'd only take the kids to a proper restaurant if I had my mother or sister with me.

[Myusernameisunique]

I did thank him! I didn't go in all guns blazing I just basically said thank you for arranging that but I don't think it's a very good idea. High tea at the pub isn't very nice and it takes a while so the DCs wouldn't be happy. I don't think he even knew what high tea was to be honest. He only booked that as he tried to get me booked other places (only today) for an afternoon tea (cakes, sandwiches, scones) and had left it so late everywhere was booked. I wasn't bothered on the first place though!

[PregnantSea]

Your DP was trying to be nice. I think it's very sweet of him. I understand your reasons for not wanting to go but I think the way that you've told him is a bit harsh - he was probably expecting you to be over the moon and instead you were annoyed and negative about it.

Just apologise for the way you reacted and then arrange something where you all go out together for a nice treat. And at least now he knows not to do this again next year!

[HollowTalk]

toast, starters, mains then cakes, scones tea and coffee

I have never had a meal like that!

[Topseyt]

Anyone who can babysit DC2? Then it might work better.

I do get why you are dismayed, but still think you are being rather ungrateful.