To say I didn't want to go?

[Myusernameisunique]

Bit 1st world problem really but just wanted others opinion on this.
DH working on Sunday, mother's Day. Absolutely not an issue for me at all. I planned to go swimming with DCs and then take them for ice-cream or maybe MacDonalds or similar. Quick and easy, stress free for me!
DH sends me a message today saying to make sure I'm free between 12-2. I messaged back that I planned to go swimming and to remind him he's working (he's extremely forgetful). DH then calls to say he's arranged that myself and the DCs are going for high tea at a pub I worked in a while back. He's sorted taxi there and back as well. I drive so I think it was to allow me to have a drink but I wouldn't bother if I was in my own with two DCs.
I told DH that the high teas in this place aren't very nice plus you get absolutely loads of food which I know from working there and also I don't really want to have a sit-down meal with DCs (3 and 8) in a restaurant as it's quite stressful. Smallest DC especially can get quite fed up and just generally be a nightmare so it's something I'd rather avoid dealing with alone they also normally need to use the toilet every 5 minutes when we're out so id just end up traipsing back and forward to the loo the whole time. When it's all 4 of us you it's easier managed but it's not the chilled out day I'd imagined. I said it was a lovely thought but maybe not such a great idea for the above reasons!
DH then got angry and has basically wentin a huff with me.
I totally see why he'd be a bit annoyed but I feel my reasons are justified for not wanting to do what he arranged and I was never rude i just explained as above. These are also things he knows so I was puzzled he'd made the arrangement in the first place. He'd never go out himself for a proper meal with the DCs.
So WasIBU to say thank you but I don't think it's a very good idea? Should I have just sucked it up so as not to hurt his feelings? I feel a bit bad especially because of his reaction but it would've been a hellish day out and a waste of money because the high tea itself isn't even nice!
Opinions please. I'd like to add though I'm in no way a princess that would've been mad even of I got nothing on Sunday. It really doesn't bother me that much!

[PutTheBunnyBackInTheBox]

I take it you're in Scotland or Northern Ireland?

I am and I've never had toast and then a starter in ANY meal

[Topseyt]

RSAcre, not 1950s at all. I get why OP is dismayed, but I wouldn't have been. I would have liked it and found it a very thoughtful gesture. Am I not allowed to say that now because it is 2019? Bollocks to that.

We are all different. I think she probably didn't come across well. I empathize to an extent with her as small children can be hard work, but I also empathize with her DH.

[Myusernameisunique]

Yes Scotland. Must be a Scottish thing. I've never had high tea and fund the toast thing a bit weird as well but a lot of places around us do it. It's just too much food for me.lime all your days eating in 1 sitting.
Again to point this out I was grateful and wasn't mean in the slightest but I did explain to him that I didn't want to go and why. I was very thankful for the thought and he probably genuinely didn't think about it but I really dont see why I should have to keep quiet and go when I know it'll be a disaster!
Also, again, I take DCs out on my own all the time! I just stick to places where I know it'll not take 2-3 hours to have a meal so brewers fayre, cafe Nero, cafes, MacDonalds etc! I considered this the norm for most.

[Hollowvictory]

That indeed is eating all meals in one sitting!

[howmanyusernames]

On Sunday my OH is working, so I am going to the local pub with my Mum and LO, then OH is going to finish work (1pm) and go to the pie and mash shop on his way, pop in to pick us up, back to our house for food, then Mum will go home after. Perfect Mothers Day! ☺

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

I always thought high tea was what they had in Enid Blyton books, with lashings of ginger beer. Sunday tea it was in our house. Afternoon tea but more substantial and less poncetastic.

[Hollowvictory]

Yes Enid Blyton! Ham, bread, cakes cooked by Dorcas the cook.
But who would want toast in a restaurant before a big meal?

[Fundays12]

Whilst I am well used to taking my 2 kids everywhere with me and often on my own due to the hours I work. This just sounds stressful, no fun and a waste of money.

I am not ungrateful but don’t fancy spending my mother’s day afternoon hammed into a busy place with 2 kids and bad food. I plan to sleep late on Sunday, have breakfast in bed then my mum is coming up for lunch to my house and hubby is going to watch football. No stress or hassle with taking the kids out.

[TotalNoob]

I don’t see this as being ungrateful - the op has saved her dh from wasting money on something she won’t enjoy.

If he’d bought her something already that she didn’t like then yes I think it would be rude to actually say I dont like it. In that case I think you have to accept and thank gratefully etc etc then mention at some point in the future how gifts of that nature aren’t the best for you (“I love candles but I’ve noticed they leave black marks on the walls which is such as shame as you won’t be able to buy me them anymore” etc)

Op Yanbu.

[GreatDuckCookery6211]

At least he tried I guess. On Mother’s Day there will be hundreds of posts from women complaining they got zilch and their DH organised nothing. But if you don’t want to go that’s fair enough.

[JaneEyre07]

YANBU. It will be packed on Mothers Day, noisy and busy and like you say having 2 kids isn't that relaxing.

I'd sit him down and say it was a lovely gesture, you really appreciate the thought but that the idea of sitting in a crammed pub on the busiest sunday of the year really isn't going to be much fun on your own and can you save that for the following time when he can come too.

[WFTisgoingoninmyhead]

Aww, you poor DH. I think it is really telling that you feel you can't manage a three and eight year old in a restaurant alone. If you were my DW you would get naff all next year. YABVU

[MinisterforCheekyFuckery]

YANBU for finding eating out with a 3yo stressful, especially a long drawn out meal with several courses! Ignore all the goady posts about how you should be able to cope with the kids on your own etc etc. Those people are spectacularly missing the point. Of course she'd bloody cope, but it's actually supposed to be a treat! I'm sure OP's DH meant well, but he got it wrong on this occasion and there's nothing wrong with telling him so as long as it's done kindly and sensitively, which it seems it was. If I got my DH a gift that he really didn't like, especially if it was an 'experience' type thing that would be in any way stressful for him, I would want to know. I'd hate to think he would just pretend to like it and go along anyway and have a rubbish time.

I find it interesting that so many posters think that OP should spend Mother's Day doing something that she really doesn't want to do, that she will find stressful and that her DC won't enjoy either by the sounds of it, because if she doesn't a man's feelings may temporarily be a bit hurt.

[InsertFunnyUsername]

YANBU just because someone buys you a present/arranges something does not mean you have to accept it. By the sounds of it you were polite and grateful but said no thank you, not much else needed to be said really.

[timeisnotaline]

I’m not grateful for lack of thought ‘but I did something’. I’ve told my husband not to make me the one who bloody has to think through everything, I’d be very annoyed if he did this on mother’s day! (He’s not that silly though ). Send him for coffee and cake with both dc Saturday afternoon as a nice treat op, seeing as he’s working Sunday and won’t see them.

[purpleboy]

Yabbers rude much?

I'd say it's just good manners, life is also too short to make people around you feel like shit because you don't get what you wanted. I guess I was just brought up to be kind, not entitled.

[sonjadog]

I think you handled it well. I think he could have put a better effort into thinking it through tbh, but no need not to say thanks for the offer either. I think you were right not to go through with it. Why would you spend your day doing something that wouldn't be fun at all rather than tell your partner the truth?

[LordPickle]

This is my idea of hell. I have a 2 yr old DS and I would not want to have to take him anywhere for Mother's Day, especially not a restaurant. What a shit idea.

[BlueSkiesLies]

Aww, you poor DH. I think it is really telling that you feel you can't manage a three and eight year old in a restaurant alone. If you were my DW you would get naff all next year. YABVU

Why should she have to 'manage'? It is mothers day. It is meant to be about HER not about her DH's feelings.

[Travis1]

I knew you would be in Scotland 😂 hotel I used to work in it was a starter of soup or melon with bread roll and then main course served with a cake stand including cakes, scones and yes toast! Was the most bizarre thing ever.

I don’t think Yabu it’s not a gift for you if it stresses you right out.

[FrozenMargarita17]

Totally not the point but that high tea sounds like my kind of thing ..

[AryaStarkWolf]

aww he did try but yeah I wouldn't fancy going to the pub with two small kids and having a drink while trying to look after them aswell

[Smelborp]

Sounds awful, and you were right to (kindly) day it’s not for you. I never like presents which are someone else organising my time.

[ChanandlerBongsLeftShoe]

FWIW I don't actually think the OP did anything wrong.

It's other posters nastiness I don't like.

Implying you don't have to be grateful if you don't like something or say thank you because it's not that much effort to make some phone calls. Or how it's only to make himself look good when he tells the story, or because he wants you to have a shit day because he's at work.

Or my favourite... You don't have to be grateful because it's not the 1950s... Eh??? It's it old fashioned to have manners now or something?

OP shouldn't have to go and can tell her DH her reasonings for not wanting to in a polite way. He shouldn't be sulking no but the bitterness is literally dripping from some of the comments on here.