To say I didn't want to go?

[Myusernameisunique]

Bit 1st world problem really but just wanted others opinion on this.
DH working on Sunday, mother's Day. Absolutely not an issue for me at all. I planned to go swimming with DCs and then take them for ice-cream or maybe MacDonalds or similar. Quick and easy, stress free for me!
DH sends me a message today saying to make sure I'm free between 12-2. I messaged back that I planned to go swimming and to remind him he's working (he's extremely forgetful). DH then calls to say he's arranged that myself and the DCs are going for high tea at a pub I worked in a while back. He's sorted taxi there and back as well. I drive so I think it was to allow me to have a drink but I wouldn't bother if I was in my own with two DCs.
I told DH that the high teas in this place aren't very nice plus you get absolutely loads of food which I know from working there and also I don't really want to have a sit-down meal with DCs (3 and 8) in a restaurant as it's quite stressful. Smallest DC especially can get quite fed up and just generally be a nightmare so it's something I'd rather avoid dealing with alone they also normally need to use the toilet every 5 minutes when we're out so id just end up traipsing back and forward to the loo the whole time. When it's all 4 of us you it's easier managed but it's not the chilled out day I'd imagined. I said it was a lovely thought but maybe not such a great idea for the above reasons!
DH then got angry and has basically wentin a huff with me.
I totally see why he'd be a bit annoyed but I feel my reasons are justified for not wanting to do what he arranged and I was never rude i just explained as above. These are also things he knows so I was puzzled he'd made the arrangement in the first place. He'd never go out himself for a proper meal with the DCs.
So WasIBU to say thank you but I don't think it's a very good idea? Should I have just sucked it up so as not to hurt his feelings? I feel a bit bad especially because of his reaction but it would've been a hellish day out and a waste of money because the high tea itself isn't even nice!
Opinions please. I'd like to add though I'm in no way a princess that would've been mad even of I got nothing on Sunday. It really doesn't bother me that much!

[lunicorn]

He shouldn't be sulking as you had very good reason not to want to do this.
Were you diplomatic, or did you launch straight into reasons not to go?

[Chocmallows]

YANBU I'm a single parent and used to 2DC with 4 year gap, older than yours now.

I don't understand how your husband imagined this would work. You would arrive, loo break for one DC choose food, loo break for second, have a second break if 3 year old wanted to check loo again, see that you were surrounded by mother's day family groups with no adult conversation for you and no entertainment for DC, be aware that you cannot split in half if DCs both trying to talk and you need to watch noise-level not a problem in McDonald's as full of DC. It's probably not food DC want, probably nice tablecloth so you cannot pull out colouring in or small toys. Have to stuff your food as DC getting bored. Cannot drink as harder to distract DC from their boredom if you're tired. It sounds like a nightmare.

[Loopytiles]

YANBU.

DH WBU, both to organise it - it was a shit plan! Shows little thought/consideration of what you might enjoy - and to get huffy when you declined the offer.

[SnuggyBuggy]

There are harmless gifts you merely don't like and then there are gifts that are detrimental to you. This is definitely the latter.

[WFTisgoingoninmyhead]

I really think times must have changed in the last 25/30 years. My DC would have loved to have gone anywhere for dinner, even if it took hours, it was such a treat. I would have loved to have taken them out for a meal either with DH or on my own, as they knew how to behave in a restaurant, no matter how posh or how long the food takes to come. I really didn't mind no adult conversation, I would interact with my DC at the table, for the whole meal, and there is nothing wrong with having a few glasses of wine with dinner, your DC will not suddenly start to misbehave because you have had a glass or two. It must be that eating out is so normal nowadays that children do not see the treat element and neither is the OP. I must be old fashioned as I feel so sorry for the DH in this case, I think he did think about her but obviously didn't realise that his DC cannot behave in a restaurant and not need the loo every 5 minutes.

[Tinkerbellisnotafairy]

Aww, you poor DH. I think it is really telling that you feel you can't manage a three and eight year old in a restaurant alone. If you were my DW you would get naff all next year. YABVU

I'm sure OP could manage her DCs, but she's already explained how it wouldn't exactly be fun for her, and I completely agree. A two hour meal with a three year old? On your own? As a TREAT? Erm, just no.

OP has said she has explained kindly to her DH why it isn't a great idea. He really needs to pull his head out his arse and stop getting huffy.

[RSAcre]

Or my favourite... You don't have to be grateful because it's not the 1950s... Eh??? It's it old fashioned to have manners now or something?

Of course it isn't. And the husband's own manners were appalling in this instance. He hates taking his own children out to eat so much that he refuses to do it - yet feels it's acceptable to push the same experience on his wife as a "treat"?

Why should the OP feel any 'gratitude' to someone who has been so damn blinkered about what she actually likes & wants?
& for crying out loud - the OP DID thank her husband. Then pointed out why she felt is wasn't a good idea.
Husband then decided to sulk.
How would he like it if OP foisted a meal out on him, with no other adults around? He'd hate it! So why did he offer it??!

[RSAcre]

I feel so sorry for the DH in this case, I think he did think about her but obviously didn't realise that his DC cannot behave in a restaurant and not need the loo every 5 minutes.

You are very kind to feel sorry for the DH ... but unfortunately he DOES know that DC cannot behave in restaurants. He is so aware of it that he refuses to do it himself.

[Molytol]

as they knew how to behave in a restaurant, no matter how posh or how long the food takes to come.

Yeah, my parents memories are often like this too. Funny that.

[WFTisgoingoninmyhead]

Yeah, my parents memories are often like this too

I was right then, things HAVE changed!!

[MsTSwift]

It’s almost along the lines of giving your wife a vacuum cleaner for Christmas. It’s quite obviously a shit idea. The only way a meal with children is enjoyable on a treat basis is if there are sufficient other adults there who are preferably both good company and will help you with the kids.

[lunicorn]

Just had a thought. What if he's planned to surprise you by turning up at the restaurant with flowers, or the taxi is taking you both to the airport to be whisked away with a Norland nanny in tow for baby sitting. Or perhaps not...

[timeisnotaline]

I think WFT has misunderstood some people. My parents might say we were all good but we werent, they’ve forgotten.

Aww, you poor DH. I think it is really telling that you feel you can't manage a three and eight year old in a restaurant alone. what a lovely mother’s day present. I could manage if I had to, just like the op, but why should sitting through a miserable few hours be a gift to me?
It’s like packing up 3 kids and taking them to a&e at 8pm for the next 5 hours. You do it if you have to but if you don’t you’d rather be slowly boiled alive than do that.

[salsamad]

As an older teen in the late 70s I had a perm but insisted that i didn't want my hair cutting or any layers put in I looked like this only worse .

[FullOfJellyBeans]

YANBU. You expressed gratitude for the thought but politely declined I wouldn't want to do that either. Would be better if he'd planned something for Saturday to all do together. Or he could have brought a lovely dinner home after work Sunday night.

[salsamad]

Oops sorry wrong thread ....

[Sparkletastic]

The taxi part is blowing my mind. Like maybe on some level he got that the only way this would be a 'treat' would be if you got tanked up on Pinot Grigio whilst the kids entertained themselves flushing each other down the toilet

[WFTisgoingoninmyhead]

what a lovely mother’s day present. I could manage if I had to, just like the op, but why should sitting through a miserable few hours be a gift to me

This is my point, why are you people getting yourselves to the point where it is miserable to take your children anywhere with you, it should be a pleasure. If only you had taught them how to behave in public.

[purplepears]

I think your DH was very thoughtful and sweet. You're very lucky.
I'd have accepted and been happy that he'd thought of me.
Pick your battles.

But I'm aware I'm a lone voice here.

[QueenEhlana]

This is my point, why are you people getting yourselves to the point where it is miserable to take your children anywhere with you, it should be a pleasure. If only you had taught them how to behave in public.

Bollocks. Teaching children isn't a one off event. It's constant. It is frequent occasions, many outings, a great many telling offs mixed with bribery/treats as rewards. And then EVENTUALLY you have well behaved children - most of the time. The process can be freaking painful though.

I did it and do it, on many occasions. But usually there was some compensation - conversation with someone that I was going with, etc. Not sitting there like Billy No Mates with just the DC for company, and teaching them to behave, on a day which is supposed to be a treat for me.

When they were younger I enjoyed shorter trips out with them. Now that they are older I enjoy going out with them for longer and more special occasions.

[Dippypippy1980]

High tea and small children is not a great combination.

It was a nice thought but not very practical. I thought he had booked the day off work and was going too!!! A voucher for high tea at a later date with your friends would be better!!

[WFTisgoingoninmyhead]

Bollocks. Teaching children isn't a one off event. It's constant. It is frequent occasions

Exactly, and this should be done by aged 8 and 3 in respect of eating at a restaurant!

[Mummadeeze]

When my DD was little I took her for a pub lunch on my own as a treat because I used to feel sad that my partner completely ignored the fact that it was Mother’s Day. So it does seem like a thoughtful gift to me. If you didn’t fancy it though maybe it was the way you told him that offended him. Or maybe he was over sensitive as he was disappointed you weren’t pleased. If my partner did anything nice at all for me I would be ecstatic however so my bar is set very low!

[QueenEhlana]

Exactly, and this should be done by aged 8 and 3 in respect of eating at a restaurant!

You are seriously living in La La Land. Is it pleasant there?

[Chocmallows]

Exactly, and this should be done by aged 8 and 3 in respect of eating at a restaurant


Reminds me of Gina Ford, "baby will sleep through night, baby will wake at 7am, baby will drink bottle at 7.30am"...pigs will fly!