To say I didn't want to go?

[Myusernameisunique]

Bit 1st world problem really but just wanted others opinion on this.
DH working on Sunday, mother's Day. Absolutely not an issue for me at all. I planned to go swimming with DCs and then take them for ice-cream or maybe MacDonalds or similar. Quick and easy, stress free for me!
DH sends me a message today saying to make sure I'm free between 12-2. I messaged back that I planned to go swimming and to remind him he's working (he's extremely forgetful). DH then calls to say he's arranged that myself and the DCs are going for high tea at a pub I worked in a while back. He's sorted taxi there and back as well. I drive so I think it was to allow me to have a drink but I wouldn't bother if I was in my own with two DCs.
I told DH that the high teas in this place aren't very nice plus you get absolutely loads of food which I know from working there and also I don't really want to have a sit-down meal with DCs (3 and 8) in a restaurant as it's quite stressful. Smallest DC especially can get quite fed up and just generally be a nightmare so it's something I'd rather avoid dealing with alone they also normally need to use the toilet every 5 minutes when we're out so id just end up traipsing back and forward to the loo the whole time. When it's all 4 of us you it's easier managed but it's not the chilled out day I'd imagined. I said it was a lovely thought but maybe not such a great idea for the above reasons!
DH then got angry and has basically wentin a huff with me.
I totally see why he'd be a bit annoyed but I feel my reasons are justified for not wanting to do what he arranged and I was never rude i just explained as above. These are also things he knows so I was puzzled he'd made the arrangement in the first place. He'd never go out himself for a proper meal with the DCs.
So WasIBU to say thank you but I don't think it's a very good idea? Should I have just sucked it up so as not to hurt his feelings? I feel a bit bad especially because of his reaction but it would've been a hellish day out and a waste of money because the high tea itself isn't even nice!
Opinions please. I'd like to add though I'm in no way a princess that would've been mad even of I got nothing on Sunday. It really doesn't bother me that much!

[GreenTulips]

If only you had taught them how to behave in public

Mine were well behaved in public

However that didn’t stop the toilet trips or nappy changes or spilt drinks, cutting up food or blowing to cool it down!

Enjoying a relaxed meal isn’t that possible or hot

[WiKi84]

I wonder if DH reacted that way out of embarrassment? He realised that actually his thoughtfulness was slightly misplaced and was embarrassed that it had to be pointed out to him so reacted with sulking and anger. I see this reaction all the time - from my 8 year old (and my StepFather to be fair)

[bullyingadvice2017]

Can you rebook it for Father's Day for him to take the kids whilst you work?

[clippityclop]

Wtf, we should form a club! Eating out's a treat for us, call it old fashioned but we like to save the money for holidays and mostly cook at home and entertain our friends and family here. When we did go to local restaurants/cafe with our dds when they were little it was something to look forward to, we talked about how we would behave etc and it was fun. By 3 & 8 we were proud to have kids we could take anywhere which made life pleasant for us and those around us. I'm only talking about 10 years ago, and happy to say this is now carried on with other younger members of our family.

[greenlynx]

YANBU at all. The weather forecast for Sunday is nice. Sitting in a pub (however posh) and waiting for food will be complete waste of time. In our house going for ice cream is the best possible plan for Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and any other day.

[mcmooberry]

Unfortunately I think there was probably no way of telling him no (but tell him no you had to do) without him sulking. That outing sounds like hell to me and I'd rather have a sulky husband that be facing the prospect of doing that on Sunday!!

[ifeeltheneedtheneedforspeed]

You should totally do it just for the sole reason of repaying him at Father's Day

[44PumpLane]

CBA to rtft so apologies but YADNBU!! What he organised sounds a bit hellish to me. It was probably meant with best intentions but if you can't tell your husband the truth what's the point?! You weren't rude, you've hardly turned down something that's required months of planning, he needs to give his head a shake.

[Oysterbabe]

My 3 year old is well behaved but she's still 3 and isn't going to sit quietly for any length of time without significant entertaining. After choosing our food, colouring, chatting, playing I Spy, promises of ice cream she's going to start pestering to get down and explore. It would be boring for her and it's stressful worrying about whether she's disturbing other people and trying to keep her seated. It's not relaxing to do that alone and I wouldn't consider it a treat.

[Turquoisetamborine]

Hell to the no. That does not sound like a treat. I hate eating out with the kids when I don’t have my H there to help. The 11yr old is fussy and needs to be talked through the menu so I never get chance to choose before the waiter comes then the three yr old is just like a three yr old. You wouldn’t choose to eat out with them. I’d far rather the day you planned.

[Chocmallows]

we talked about how we would behave etc and it was fun. By 3 & 8 we were proud to have kids we could take anywhere which made life pleasant for us and those around us.

I'm sure OPs DC are lovely, it's just he didn't book a family meal. He booked a long drawn out affair, rather than a venue where the three if them would feel comfortable.

[Myusernameisunique]

Well he's still sulking now! I feel better knowing I'm not the only one that thought it wasn't a good idea and that I should say no so thank you to you all! I really wasn't horrible about it either! Honestly if he really wanted to do something special for me bringing in a chippy tea and a bottle of prosecco after his work would've been more than enough!
My DCs are well behaved. They can and do eat out extremely regularly as it's one of our favourite things to do altogether. We do tend to take them out to places where service is quick though unless we're part of a larger group. They are however just children. DC1 has always been great in restaurants they love food and eating out. DC2 is a completely different child. They're extremely contrary and although sweet, polite and generally well behaved they can be a nightmare when out as they're very strong minded. They can also scream and shout louder than any adult I know and will if they so please. I'm firm, they know it's not acceptable but to be frank they're 3 and just don't care. It's not something I enjoy dealing with in a public place alone which I have do frequently anyway so i certainly don't want to do it in a busy pub. I had organised something that would make my day easier and the situation DH had arranged would make my day stressful. I also love a drink but wouldn't drink on my own when out with DCs because like PPs have said it would make me tired and make it harder for deal with DCs. That and I don't drink alone. It's a silly little rule I have always had and do so due to having alcoholism run in my family. That's also something DH knows and understands so the taxi thing really baffled me especially when the pubs a 10 mins drive away! Some of you have given me a right good laugh with your suggestions. I'm going to send him fine dining with them on father's day whilst I go for a massage. It'll be such a lovely treat for him . It's all (grudgingly) cancelled now so I can sleep easy knowing that even though I have a sulky DH I'll be having the nice fun day I planned on Sunday.

[MsTSwift]

Those wittering on about behaviour are missing the point. However well behaved it’s still you alone with the kids hardly a break or sparking conversation is it?

[mumofblueeyes]

I know it's missing the point but what's all the going to the toilet malarkey. Surely they can't go that often! Am intrigued!

[LL83]

You thanked him and politely declined. He should be saying "you're right it wont be much fun alone, let's go together on xxxx instead" not sulking.

I would have been disappointed he was working mothers day (though understanding) but I would have lost my shit if he suggested I take the kids to the pub by taxi for a long drawn out meal with no adult company/help. Its rubbish for me and the kids, thoughtless and stupid at the same time. You did the right thing being polite and seeing the gesture as it was intended but H is lucky you aren't as unreasonable as me.

[Myusernameisunique]

@mumofblueeyes it's just DC2. I call them a "bogtrotter" loves a wee trip to the toilet. Again though they are only 3 so hopefully that'll be something they grow out of. It's been investigated and there's nothing obviously wrong. They do actually go every time as well. DC1 was bad for wetting themselves as they didn't like leaving things to go to the loo and still has accidents now for that reason so I actually prefer the constant toilet trips with DC2. No pissy pants that way! It's more manageable with more than one adult present though!

[MulticolourMophead]

as they knew how to behave in a restaurant, no matter how posh or how long the food takes to come.

Rose tinted specs, much? You got lucky, that's all.

I thought I recalled my DC being well behaved, and then remembered the one or two times they weren't.

But it's not just about behaviour, it's about all the other bits, too. The cutting food, trips to the bathroom, etc, etc, that would make it less of a treat for OP, when for once the day was meant to be about her.

OP's DH didn't give much thought at all about this "treat", and the fact that he's still sulking makes me think it's not about whether the OP actually wants to go, but about him wanting to preen his feathers about "look what a nice thing I did?".

A decent bloke would have accepted the OP's politely expressed opinion and arranged something more to her liking.

[timeisnotaline]

This is my point, why are you people getting yourselves to the point where it is miserable to take your children anywhere with you, it should be a pleasure. If only you had taught them how to behave in public.
Exactly what queen elahna said. We took our two out to a nice restaurant last week, they are 9 mo and 3. And we agreed that when we had 3 who needed various constant help eating &behaving that we would give eating out a miss for a few years. That’s with both of us there.

[Chocmallows]

OP I hope you have a fun mother's day swimming and when your husband gets over his moodiness about his lack of forethought about his "treat", that he arranges a nice relaxed family day.

[Myusernameisunique]

Well he slept on it and has woken up with apologies as he now realises how it may not have been the nicest of treats. Thank goodness it's all over.

[Loopytiles]

That’s good OP.

Posters boasting about their parenting / frugality / DCs’ behaviour is tiresome.

Not everyone (child or adult) considers eating out “a treat”, however rarely or frequently they eat out. I don’t: love food but restaurants near me within budget often aren’t to my liking.

Some DC can’t or won’t demonstrate cafe/restaurant etiquette even with prior pep talks, role play, being French, or whatever. Anyway, mother’s day doesn’t seem to be an appropriate occasion for OP to be supervising and “training” her DC, alone. She has, understandably, said she wouldn’t enioy this.

[PurpleCrazyHorse]

Great outcome OP.

I think the key thing is that your DH doesn't like going out for long drawn out meals with DC2 in particular, so that should have been in his thinking. However, good that he's recognised this.

For all those saying to train your children to eat out. Our oldest child eats out beautifully, engages in conversation, quietly does an activity, doesn't need a device all the time. However from the age of about 2-5, we only ate in places like McDonalds or Pizza Hut as they were full of families making more noise than us and the service was relatively quick. Just because she couldn't manage to sit nicely for long periods at age 3 doesn't mean she can't do it now, she was just little and needed to practise in an environment that was better suited to her attention span (and our patience)