To say I didn't want to go?

[Myusernameisunique]

Bit 1st world problem really but just wanted others opinion on this.
DH working on Sunday, mother's Day. Absolutely not an issue for me at all. I planned to go swimming with DCs and then take them for ice-cream or maybe MacDonalds or similar. Quick and easy, stress free for me!
DH sends me a message today saying to make sure I'm free between 12-2. I messaged back that I planned to go swimming and to remind him he's working (he's extremely forgetful). DH then calls to say he's arranged that myself and the DCs are going for high tea at a pub I worked in a while back. He's sorted taxi there and back as well. I drive so I think it was to allow me to have a drink but I wouldn't bother if I was in my own with two DCs.
I told DH that the high teas in this place aren't very nice plus you get absolutely loads of food which I know from working there and also I don't really want to have a sit-down meal with DCs (3 and 8) in a restaurant as it's quite stressful. Smallest DC especially can get quite fed up and just generally be a nightmare so it's something I'd rather avoid dealing with alone they also normally need to use the toilet every 5 minutes when we're out so id just end up traipsing back and forward to the loo the whole time. When it's all 4 of us you it's easier managed but it's not the chilled out day I'd imagined. I said it was a lovely thought but maybe not such a great idea for the above reasons!
DH then got angry and has basically wentin a huff with me.
I totally see why he'd be a bit annoyed but I feel my reasons are justified for not wanting to do what he arranged and I was never rude i just explained as above. These are also things he knows so I was puzzled he'd made the arrangement in the first place. He'd never go out himself for a proper meal with the DCs.
So WasIBU to say thank you but I don't think it's a very good idea? Should I have just sucked it up so as not to hurt his feelings? I feel a bit bad especially because of his reaction but it would've been a hellish day out and a waste of money because the high tea itself isn't even nice!
Opinions please. I'd like to add though I'm in no way a princess that would've been mad even of I got nothing on Sunday. It really doesn't bother me that much!

[ChanandlerBongsLeftShoe]

God some people on this thread are incredibly ungrateful.

Fine, OP didn't like the surprise and she doesn't want to go. Yes, perhaps it wasn't as thought out as it could have been.

But scoffing at the amount of effort it took him to make some phone calls and saying how he just wanted his wife to have a shit day because he was at work etc ... is such a sad way to look at this at think.

He just sounds like a husband that tried to plan something kind for his wife on mother's day because he couldn't be there to treat her himself and got it a bit wrong.

Why do we always have to leap to such bad assumptions of men on this site. It's really off putting.

[Myusernameisunique]

It's pretty common here @HollowTalk but not something I've ever been for before. I've served it many times though so know how long it takes!

[HollowTalk]

But can you explain the toast?! You would be give a slice of toast before a starter? And then a main meal? I don't get it!

[thefirst48]

OP told her partner how poor the food is and how long it is to sit through all the courses! So either he really doesn't listen or he's that naive to think children will sit through that. The man won't even take his children out on his own ffs come on!

[Yabbers]

since it's the thought that counts
That only applies where there has been actual thought.

Nobody thinking it through would think a mum wanted to take 2 small children for high tea, on their own. DD is 9 and I could just about imagine her sitting through this for a couple of hours. It is not a child friendly activity.

He shouldn’t need to be reminded of that, and he definitely shouldn’t be pissed off when it’s pointed it to him.

Thought would have been arranging childcare and sending her to this with an adult she likes to spend the day with.

[tillytrotter1]

Yabu (ungrateful) and a bit precious if you can't manage 2 dc alone in a pub.
Poor dh

Exactly! This comes under the heading of Can't do right for doing wrong. Taking two children out for a meal isn't stressful, we've had four grandchildren out many times. It seems that everything is blown up into a reason for being anxious.

[PookieK]

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all! Surely the idea of mothers day is do something you would like to do!
One year my husband 'surprised' me with tickets to a 'sing along' Mamma Mia showing at the cinema to go with my then 8year old daughter. He planned to take us there and sit in a coffee shop and wait. He totally forgot that daughter had a friends birthday party which overlapped with it, at the other end of town. I was pretty horrified to be honest - although I enjoyed the film the first time I saw it, why he thought it would be fun to sit in a cinema with hundreds of others singing along to a film I'd already seen god only knows! Ended up having to leave before the end to get across to the other end of town to then sit in a different coffee shop while daughter went to a party. Now daughter is older I at least can plan with her things that are relaxing/enjoyable in advance so that they can then 'surprise me with'!

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

If you will hate it then you really have no choice but to decline as nicely as you can. He is an arse to get in a huff though.

DH once booked me a lovely spa day and treatment. I only want to get naked and massaged by someone if I’m having sex with them. Otherwise the idea appalls me (my issue, not criticising others who like that sort of thing). He was fine when I explained —thinks I’m a weirdo though—.

[purpleboy]

Chanandler has is spot on.
Most of the threads we read are about men who forget birthdays never mind Mother's Day.
Regardless of what effort you think he put in, at least he tried.
I think it is ungrateful and whilst it might not be your ideal day, sometimes we all do things we don't want to because life is about give and take and understanding when someone put thought into doing something nice for you the least you can do is be gracious.
If he gave you a Christmas present you didn't like would you ask him to return it?

[MsTSwift]

What on earth is “high tea?” Never heard of it. Is it afternoon tea (mid afternoon sandwiches with crusts cut off and cake)? That I understand. Sounds like a wanky made up by hotel thing

[AloneLonelyLoner]

My ideal Mother's Day is a day without kids and no mothering done at all. YANBU.

[thefirst48]

Ffs the women on here who think OP has to go do something she doesn't want to need to give their heads a shake. OP said it was a nice thought but unfortunately she doesn't want to go.

[thefirst48]

Ffs the women on here who think OP has to go do something she doesn't want to need to give their heads a shake. OP said it was a nice thought but unfortunately she doesn't want to go.

[BanjoStarz]

Christ this thread is depressing.

This gift is the Mother’s Day equivalent of being thankful he’s done the washing up.

Presumably he’s an adult who actually interacts with his children? If he wouldn’t see a day out on his own with 2 DC as a present then why would he think you would?

Save your money, go out the weekend after as a family, much nicer experience for all.

[1forAll74]

It was lovely of your husband to book all this for you, I guess he was just thinking it would be a treat for you. But I would not go alone,well with two small children, its not the same as the whole family, hopefully he will come to realise this now.

[SprogletsMum]

I will happily take all 4 of my dc anywhere by myself but out for food with them on my own sounds awful. Like you say it's just trips back and forth to the loo and not relaxing in the slightest. If I could invite my mum along it's be great though, could you do that?

[HollowTalk]

One year my husband 'surprised' me with tickets to a 'sing along' Mamma Mia showing

I'd be phoning a divorce lawyer within minutes.

[Yabbers]

I think it is ungrateful and whilst it might not be your ideal day, sometimes we all do things we don't want to because life is about give and take and understanding when someone put thought into doing something nice for you the least you can do is be gracious.
Doormat, much?

She should just be grateful because someone made a couple of calls? Life is too short to smile nicely and suck it up so you don’t upset someone who really should have known much better. Mother’s Day is supposed to be when you consider all mum does and maybe give her a break. What kind of fool thinks this would be relaxing for her?

[SnuggyBuggy]

I don't blame you for nipping this in the bud. It sounds like he meant well but didn't give it any thought

[RSAcre]

I do get why you are dismayed, but still think you are being rather ungrateful.

Gordon Bennett, is it the 1950's? When women 'ought to be grateful' for being patronised & inconvenienced with unsought gifts?

The husband does not take the kids out for meals himself because he finds it so unpleasant. WTF going on in his head that he feels his wife ought to enjoy it?

[ChanandlerBongsLeftShoe]

She shouldn't have to go, Im not saying she should.

But yes I think you should be grateful even if you do think they've 'just made a few phone calls'.

I'd think you weren't a very kind or thoughtful person at all if you didn't think you should thank someone for surprising you with this (even if you didn't go) just because it only took a few phone calls.

He's still taken the time to think about and arrange something for his wife whether or not she likes it. So what, he got it wrong this time?

If someone got you a present at Christmas you didn't like would you not thank them / be grateful because they only had to nip in the shop for it anyway.

I don't think OP has done anything wrong but I think other people on this thread are showing themselves in a really unpleasant light!

[ChanandlerBongsLeftShoe]

Ahhh... So now it's about sexism. Okay.

I'd say someone should be grateful to be thought of like this regardless of their genitals.

Being grateful and going are different things by the way.

[QueenEhlana]

So his idea of a treat is something that he wouldn't actually do himself?

Ha!

Tell him that as lovely as the IDEA is, unless the experience itself is lovely it's just not that nice a gift.

It would sound very nice in the story telling for him though, he would sounds SOOOO wonderful giving you all such a LURVELY treat..... Would 'make up' for him not being there to all and sundry - who only saw it from the outside and didn't have to live the experience with a toddler.

[PookieK]

One year my husband 'surprised' me with tickets to a 'sing along' Mamma Mia showing

I'd be phoning a divorce lawyer within minutes.


@HollowTalk it was truly awful - There were only about 7 others in there and they were singing at the tops of their voices!

[RSAcre]

Taking two children out for a meal isn't stressful

Jeezus.
YOU don't find it stressful, & that's the end of it?
Nobody is allowed to have a different experience from you?

The OP has explained how stressful she finds eating out with the younger child, & you take it upon yourself to deny her experience & chide her?