to find school mornings so stressful I'm on.the verge of tears?

[Yolo89]

So I have a 4 and 7 year old and I find school mornings so stressful. My youngest never wants to get dressed or go to nursery, they fight, they scream about some toy I need to find now as their life depends on it. All amongst a messy house tidied yesterday. I just can't cope with this stress. Too much shouting and screaming from.them. I then get very agitated and unfortunately have peri menopause which can make you very irritable and angry and have a lack of control over these emotions.

My question is - do you get very stressed before school days woth two young children or more? Or do you think mu symptoms play a large part in this?

I'm so worried my children are mirroring my own anger and this will become their default mechanism. I am working on a way to make myself better though it is not easy.

thank you please go gently

Sadly whilst it is busy with tiddlers, you don't really know morning misery until you have a depressed teenager school refusing on a regular basis.

All I can offer you is a beacon of light in when they are older (a lot older) it does get better.

I agree it can be stressful. I get everything ready and organised the night before which definitely helps. Uniforms laid out, PE bags and book bags packed if applicable, show and tell item ready etc. I then put everything in a big shopping bag so I don't forget anything. Blazers and hats stay in the boot of the car and never get brought into the house.

I have one child, so I know this might seem unhelpful but neither of us are even remotely morning people, so I devised a system that makes mornings as easy as possible.

Absolutely everything that can be done is done the night before. Lunch is made, toys for show and tell/after school activities/etc are all packed up and left in the porch. All my stuff is the same, bag coat/sunglass/etc. I don't want to be searching in the morning. Both our clothes are laid out. I make breakfast in advance as much as possible. I bake healthy breakfast muffins/cakes and have a side of fruit/greek yoghurt ready and waiting. It's super healthy but feels like eating dessert. I bought a coffee machine with a timer so my coffee starts to brew the instant my alarm goes off.

I set my alarm for 45 minutes before DS has to wake. I get up, enticed by the smell of my coffee, have my own breakfast then throw his together. Then I bring his breakfast into him in bed and wake him up. I let him watch a cartoon while he eats in bed. I shower/dress/etc in this time. Then once his cartoon is over, he uses the bathroom has a quick face/hand wash/toothbrush/etc and gets dressed. We're usually good to go with several minutes to spare.

I know it's harder with two, but letting him maximise his sleep while I wake myself up. Then just letting him chill and eat in bed while watching a cartoon gives me the time I need to get ready. I never intended to let him watch cartoons in the morning but it's a good enticement to get him to settle to sleep at night as he knows if he over sleeps he won't have time. It gives him the time and incentive to wake up properly at his own pace while I can just get on with my own routine. And it just makes mornings super easy. Especially when it was dark and cold in winter.

not much help here i'm afraid as even though mine are 12 and 14 and can dress themselves, feed themselves, pack their own bags and get themselves out the door to get on the bus I still sometimes have to scream and shout.

They forget key items (homework/lunch/pe kit/keys) regularly despite me reminding them multiple times.

They exchange insults whenever they are in the same room together (DS1 winds DS2 up for sport and DS2 retaliates with the worst swear words he can think of).

They leave it till the last minute to leave and as a result sometimes miss the bus. This is rare but it has happened at least twice.

Different ages so different types of stress but mornings are flash points no doubt about it and I often want to stab myself in the eye.

When my youngest 3 were at school I used to set an alarm every 15 mins and certain things had to be done within those 15 mins it worked really well. So from waking up to getting dressed - 15 mins. Then breakfast 15 mins. Face washing, hair, teeth - 15 mins. You can make a game of it 'Next alarm kids go go go kitchen breakfast quick quick !!' And maybe a reward chart for sticking to it

I find mornings super stressful too. It doesn't matter how prepared I try and be, there's always something that's lost, forgotten etc. Both DC need constant reminding / help - and I end up HAVING to shout at them as they just don't listen otherwise.

Kudos to those of you who have it sorted, but really - all children are different, and some of yours sound a lot older and more capable than the OP's (mine are the same age, OP). And I'm not starting a working mum, SAHM debate, but it is a lot more stressful trying to get your kids ready before starting a full day at work, and knowing if they don't get to school at a certain time, I'll miss my bus and then be late for work.

I'm sorry, but I couldn't help laughing at the "we listen to classical music and then we leave." Because of course...

I am trying music. My theory is upbeat music puts people in a good moody and its hard to shout at each other over the noise.

Mine have a routine, once I've got the routine going (takes a while after holidays) there's a minimum of fuss. I find that they take much more notice of an alarm than they do of me too.

I hate doing stuff the evening before, because I feel like school is taking over my life if I do, so here's how I work (5 and 8 year olds) ...

6:30 - I get up (kids are already up and watching TV). I take my time a bit, maybe have a shower and get dressed, maybe just chuck on joggers and go down
7:00 - first alarm TV Off. Breakfast, while they are eating I find their clothes. After they have eaten, they take their clothes and go and get dressed, I make packed lunches.
7:30 - second alarm - everyone should be dressed, and I should be just about done on packed lunches or we are behind schedule. They are allowed to play/watch TV once they are all dressed.
7:40 - They are playing, I've put lunches/water bottles/whatever else in schoolbags, I get dressed/have a cup of tea and browse the internet.
7:55 - Shoes on, coats on, out the door to the car.
8:15 - dump them out the door at school, get on with my day (I'm lucky, we're allowed to drop and run)

I'm lucky - the kids don't have uniform, and there's no PE kit as a result, plus they are happy with boring, repetitive lunches/breakfast, so no thought required there. At other schools, with more stuff to organise I've had a little less time for a cup of tea.

I'm not going to deny, getting it implemented was a bit of a fest of yelling, crying and stomping for a week or so. And it still descends occationally. That's when I get draconian about the playing/TV/obedience to alarms for a day, and they fall back into line.

I find that whilst it sounds like a military operation, it means that I don't need to think very much, so it's much less stressful

I'm sorry, but I couldn't help laughing at the "we listen to classical music and then we leave." Because of course...

Well it is better than fighting about wanting to keep watching cartoons on CBBC isn't it?

I know how you feel. My eldest (at school)
Is mostly fine. My youngest is not yet at school but going through a hideous tantrummy phase which makes everything a massive struggle. Getting up earlier just give her a longer tantrum window. This morning was truly grim and it took every ounce of strength to stay calm.

We use star charts for our 4 year old which seems to be working (at the minute)
Make bed
Breakfast
Hands and face washed
Teeth brushed
Hair brushed
Dressed
Shoes on
If all of them are done with no tantrums or arguing she gets a star.
Once she’s completely ready she has 20 minutes to either watch tv, draw or read a book.
5 stars in the week and she gets to choose an activity on the weekend like swimming or horse riding or soft play or the park.

I or dp get everything ready the night before. Full uniform, knickers, socks all on a hanger on the front of her drawers. School bag is emptied as soon as she comes home and anything for the next day put straight in and it’s left in the same place by the door with her shoes and coat.
Packed lunch and water bottle put in the fridge.
Breakfast table set before bed, coffee machine ready to just press go.

I get up at 6 shower makeup and dressed by 6.30. Dp gets up at 6.30 which normally wakes the baby, while he’s in the shower I’ll feed and change the baby. I leave an outfit on the bottom of her crib so normally just get her dressed straight away.
Dd gets up at 7 we all go down and have a family breakfast together until about 7.30. One of us goes straight upstairs with dd for teeth brushing hand washing and hair while the other clears the kitchen and puts the packed lunches by the front door. Dp leaves at 7.45 and I help dd get dressed. Downstairs to put a star on her chart then 20 minutes for her to play quietly and 20 minutes for me to have a coffee and a cuddle with the baby (or last minute poo-nami’s
Coats on at 8.20 and leave by 8.25

*I'm sorry, but I couldn't help laughing at the "we listen to classical music and then we leave." Because of course...

Well it is better than fighting about wanting to keep watching cartoons on CBBC isn't it?*

Of course it is - I just read it as a bit of a stealth boast, and just had this image of these clean-faced curly haired kids in knickerbockers and white shirts listening eagerly to Mozart before happily skipping off to school.

I'm aware that this is my issue and didn't mean to cause offence to the poster, or to anyone else!

I found that getting everything ready the night before is the key. That includes my own clothes and handbag!
Pack lunches are made in the morning, but everything is still ready on one of the fridge shelves.

just leave 10 or 15 mn before you have to go.

I do all the house chores in the morning before leaving, to free up my weekends.

It is tempting to dress the kids yourself when they are young, because it takes 45 seconds but think long term. When they are little, schedule 25 minutes if you have to, send their in their bedroom after breakfast and make them get dressed. If they are still struggling at minute 24, zoom in and help finish.

House is tidy when I go to bed, so no stress when you get up.
I love uniforms, so no arguing about who is wearing what.

3 children. 4,7 and 9. No dad in the morning to help out, 15 min walk to school. No tablets till they've done all the morning activities. I dress/make up whilst we all get ready. I do give myself set times. I know we have to be down by a certain time for breakfast. 745 to do everyones teeth, hair. 820 we walk out the door. Time for play and last minite jobs!

I try and get up, showered, dressed, make up and hair done before I wake the DC. Then I am supervising them to ensure momentum. We all eat together. Then encourage them to dress themselves and as far as possible do their own hair. They like the responsibility. This is in contrast to when we were all getting ready at same time I was stressed and they ran riot when I was away from them brushing my teeth for example. Reward charts with stickers or marble jar surprisingly motivating for the kids. This has saved our sanity. Good luck.

We have pebble jars and get pebbles for every stage of the morning without drama - 1 for getting dressed, eating bfast, brushing teeth, coats & shoes and then when jar is full they get to choose a treat eg cinema.

I also set alarms on my phone for everything - it helps as I can stay removed ie phone says it's time to brush your teeth so hurry up and finish your breakfast. Plus obviously you see quickly if you need to speed up!

Mine are a bigger age gap which does help.

I've always had a rough timetable in my head, so I know when I've got space to sort myself or the other child out. So when DD was getting dressed, I would eat my breakfast or dress the other child, not be distracted with loading the dishwasher or something else.

My priority is always to have the kids ready as quickly as possible and then sit them in front of the TV. Even now (3.5 and 9yo), they know they don't watch TV until they're ready to go to school. Plus the TV is a great distraction while I finish up.

Haven't RTFT but I find bribery works

DDs are 5 and 7 and their behaviour in the morning is fantastic. They get up at 7am and we leave at 7.35 so a quick turnaround!

If they have impeccable behaviour every morning then they get a Friday treat after school.

This could be an 'exciting' pudding, a trip to the roller disco, a film at home, a new book or a very small toy.

Good luck

I remember those days. I learned to take the morning prep to extreme levels. Not just clothes prepped and backpacks packed the night before.

I’ll give an example.

Suppose you make toast every morning. The night before set the bread, a plate, and a knife next to the toaster.

Well I have this and I only have one dd. I get to Sunday and dread it.

However I have found things that help, my dd is 5 and she has to get herself ready every morning and at the end of the week we’ll go park or something nice if she managed it 5 days so basically it happens everywhere week. She has to be dressed by the time I’m out the shower as well which speeds things up. She is then almost fully dressed and I chuck on the rest of her uniform when I’m out shower and put an apron over her to catch the inevitable breakfast mess, shove cereal in a bowl and leave her eating while I carry on getting myself ready.

All bags are packed night before and left in porch and I pack entire lunchbox night before and put whole lunchbox in the fridge but it works as I then put ice pack in and run off with it. I swear the closer you live the more time you give yourself and before you know it it all goes wrong and you’re late.

Purpleartichoke

that's exactly how the house is prepped in the evening

even in the fridge! Great way to realise you are short of milk and popping to the shop before bed, instead of having no milk at all in the morning but no time to get it.

Some great tips on here, but really if there's two of you then two doing it makes all the difference. I'm sure my husband could claim he needs to leave the house at 7.30am but most places have flexitime these days so my husband does the school run and gets himself and the two kids ready and out the door in an hour. I make sure there is clean uniform easy to find and the school bags. I do the pick ups so we share 50/50 and I work 3 days. The other two are more relaxed as I do get my eldest ready and my youngest stays home with me.

The idea of doing it the night before is a good one, but just moves the time needed and if you're frazzled it's no good. Think someone said they're up at 6 and sounds like they do an hour the night before so the equivalent of getting up at 5am each day to get out of the house. Don't make work for yourself but make plenty for your husband! Don't do packed lunches either, another massive drain of time and effort.

Get a grip @BlueSkiesLies. I've managed to get my two DSs through the bloody awful toddlerhood years and into the teenage years.

Sometimes you just need to break the cycle. If getting the toddler dressed is such a nightmare, then just take them in in their pyjamas to nursery. If the pyjamas are tracksuits, they won't look odd. Or if they're in their pyjamas, a frown or two from the nursery manager in their direction and a 'let's get you changed and make sure it doesn't happen again' and not getting to play with the others until they're dressed can help break the cycle. If you have a couple of peaceful mornings where all hell doesn't break loose, then it does wonders for everyone's morale.

I've actually put primary school aged DS into the car in his pyjamas one morning when he was being particularly difficult, with his school uniform in a bag, to drop off at the school bus, a 5 minute drive away. He has never changed so bloody fast in his life, and didn't pull that stunt again. Because I WAS going to put him on the bus in whatever he was wearing and he damn well knew it.

Oh and me eldest gets ME up in the morning now with a 'Mum, get up or we'll be late...!!!'

It does eventually sort itself out, usually!