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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find school mornings so stressful I'm on.the verge of tears?

89 replies

Yolo89 · 26/03/2019 09:30

So I have a 4 and 7 year old and I find school mornings so stressful. My youngest never wants to get dressed or go to nursery, they fight, they scream about some toy I need to find now as their life depends on it. All amongst a messy house tidied yesterday. I just can't cope with this stress. Too much shouting and screaming from.them. I then get very agitated and unfortunately have peri menopause which can make you very irritable and angry and have a lack of control over these emotions.

My question is - do you get very stressed before school days woth two young children or more? Or do you think mu symptoms play a large part in this?

I'm so worried my children are mirroring my own anger and this will become their default mechanism. I am working on a way to make myself better though it is not easy.

thank you please go gently

OP posts:
chelseaMumma · 26/03/2019 09:55

I have this with my lot and as much as I try to get everything ready the night before something will always happen causing one or more of them to kick off.

I have 14, 12, 9 and 5year olds. They argue non stop in the mornings, getting breakfast, getting dressed, walking to school.

I've resigned my self to having nightmare mornings

KirrinIsland5 · 26/03/2019 09:56

No toys, no tv. Get up, breakfast, teeth, get dressed, leave the house. In half decent weather just get out and let the kids run around in the playground or take a ball etc xx

Original poster
Yolo89 · 26/03/2019 09:57

chelsea - yes! they always kick off about something dont they! This mornung was missing LOL pieces and I dared cut baiks on my 4 year old! Ahhhhbbh!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Yolo89 · 26/03/2019 09:58

Chelsea - you've resigned yourself to bad mornings. Oh no! Maybe I should lower my expectations

OP posts:
Hollowvictory · 26/03/2019 10:01

No playing with lols in the morning. Sorted.

Badwifey · 26/03/2019 10:05

I definitely agree with having a cup of tea/coffee in peace before they get up if you can. Try and have yourself ready too so you're not chasing them while trying get yourself sorted.
I always tell my Dd, dressed, breakfast then if there's time after she's finished she can play til we leave. It's been working wonders.

drspouse · 26/03/2019 10:09

Second the getting ready the night before.
We used to do reading in the morning but now it's the night before.
School bags ready and by door. Dressed, teeth, breakfast, medication for both, shoes on, toilet trip and THEN we watch Octonauts if we're early enough, then Biggleton, then it's time to go. I hand them their coats and get my own shoes on while they watch.
DS is 7 and has SEN so it can be a battle to physically get out of the house but if he's not ready I lead him out and put his shoes on the doorstep.
We don't do anything more fancy than toast or cereal for breakfast.

TurquoiseDress · 26/03/2019 10:13

I feel your pain OP!

DC1 has just turned 5 so is in reception year

DC2 is now 7 months

Things have got better as the school year has progressed, I rarely ever shout compared with how much I was doing it back in September- however, at that time I was juggling a newborn and DC1 who refused to get undressed/dressed, had to be asked a million times before doing anything.

All the above suggestions seem good, am making notes right now!

Good luck OP

bobbetybob · 26/03/2019 10:13

This was our house for such a long time dc1 7 asd and demand avoidant dc2 3 at school nursery.

I have 3 hooks on the wall at their height in their bedroom. I have hooks at their height by the front door and a small shoe rack for their shoes. Ds1 has a picture chart on his wall listing the things he needs to do in order. No one goes downstairs for breakfast until we're dressed - this for us was important as getting them dressed was the thing that caused most distress.
I have two stickers on the kitchen clock at 8 and 6 as we have to leave the house at 8.30 to be on time for school.

The night before I put their school clothes on their pegs in their room. I put their coats and bags on pegs with all they need to take. (Most days when they get in they put their coats bags and shoes away. I use stars on a chart when they do something kind and helpful)

Before he leaves for work about 7 My husband makes them milk and a small biscuit which they have in my bed while I get dressed. I supervise/dress them in their rooms. This isn't always smooth and was the hardest thing to get on top of but they are hungry and need to be dressed to have breakfast so that keeps them going!

Downstairs (we're usually there before 8) they have breakfast brush teeth and put shoes on. If the hands of the clock haven't reached the dots then they get playtime.

Sometimes I still shout and it's often stressful but most days the hardest bit is getting their coats on and out of the door! We scoot to school and so I use the removal of the scooter as a consequence of not getting coats bags on in time.

Reading it back it sounds like an army camp in our house but all these things have made mornings a more happy peaceful place!!

TeenTimesTwo · 26/03/2019 10:14

I would agree with no toys. We did reading practice once ready before school (the 4yo can be read a story) which had dual benefits. a) Nice calm start and b) practice done before being too tired. We also did spellings at breakfast for the same reason.

Springwalk · 26/03/2019 10:15

I don’t have stressful mornings because no one is stressed.
I wake up early before everyone else, shower, make beds etc and do hair and make up.
Wake up dc, uniform is laid out the night before, bags packed already, shoes are ready by the door. Along with coats.
Dc make beds, eat breakfast and brush teeth and hair. We listen to classical music and then leave. No toys, no TV and it works like clockwork. We leave at 7am.

Myheartbelongsto · 26/03/2019 10:16

Same here op, absolute hell. My kids know I hate school mornings.
I get everything ready the night before but they don't play ball in the morning so that was a waste.

I plug out the modem at night so no Internet in the morning which helps.

I have 4 kids, 10, 11, 12 and thirteen.

My 12 year old boy is a nightmare in the morning and I consider putting him up for adoption most mornings before 7:30!

HandbagsAtDawnOrMidday · 26/03/2019 10:17

HRT
Read the NICE guidelines and go armed with knowledge to see your GP.
Don't suffer unnecessarily.
I got the old me back and went from just coping to thriving.

TurquoiseDress · 26/03/2019 10:18

Also, a frequently absent DH did not help!

He often works abroad, so is away for a week or 10 days at a time

Afternooninthepark · 26/03/2019 10:20

Getting my 13 year old ds up in the mornings is an absolute bloody nightmare. He just will not get up in time no matter what I try. He has to leave for the school bus at 8am and usually doesn’t rise from his pit until 7.50 and then spends the 10 minutes in a complete moody strop blaming me for everything!! I bloody hate the week day mornings!

amazingbanana · 26/03/2019 10:20
  • no breakfast until they have their school uniform on (good bribe to get dressed)
  • buy a craft apron that covers sleeves etc they put over uniform while eating breakfast so it doesn't make a mess
  • no TV before school
  • school uniform, lunch, book bag, water bottle ready night before

These things really help!

QueenEhlana · 26/03/2019 10:25

You know, the 4 year old is nursery, and just needs to wear tracksuit bottoms and a top presumably? Just put him to bed in them and 'voila', he's already dressed in the morning! The ultimate cheat...! Grin

Home77 · 26/03/2019 10:25

I find it gets a bit easier as they got older and more independant, can dress themselves etc...

When younger it helped to have separate areas for them to get dressed- I kept the youngest's school clothes in the bathroom (as together they would get in a muddle and annoy each other)

It seems fairly relaxed now they are 10 and 13. (boys)

I get up around 6.45 and have a shower and a cuppa and get them up at 7ish...make porridge or something like beans on toast while they wake u then we all eat breakfast together. We don't have TV and they don;t play with toys much anymore...but often lose things and need reminded of stuff. I tend to out Radio 6 music on to avoid the news!

So then we have nearly an hour where they get dressed / teeth brushed and I make a packed lunch for one. This time goes quickly not sure why though but often have another coffee and potter about a bit and wash up. Find any bits needing found then leave just after 8 with the youngest to walk to school. (eldest catches the bus or gets a lift with dad)

Loads, loads easier than younger with buggies and the like (shudders at the memory)

mumwon · 26/03/2019 10:25
Mucky1 · 26/03/2019 10:26

I was the same. I now get everything ready the night before uniforms, bags, water bottles etc. Breakfast was cereal but is now toaster waffles or pancakes and a yogurt it's quick easy and they eat it because they like it. No tv until they're dressed with teeth brushed and shoes on. Smileit's always a mess here though my house looks like a crack den most days

TheGoalIsToStayOutOfTheHole · 26/03/2019 10:26

A lot of good advice on here..we do most of it and school mornings ran pretty smooth. But then DSD came to live with us as she fell out with her mother..she is awful to try and get up. Just lies in bed shouting that shes getting ready and that, fannies about then nearly misses the bus..and if she misses the bus she comes back in a strop saying if she goes in late she will get a detention! Well get out of bloody bed when its time to be up Hmm

YANBU, very often I am so stressed about 10 mins after getting up!

UbbesPonytail · 26/03/2019 10:26

My mornings have been so much better since I insisted DD got dressed before she came downstairs for breakfast.

We also have one morning a week where she gets a ‘fancy’ breakfast that she picks, it’s usually croissant or pancakes, but this only happens if she has followed the schedule the rest of the week. I know it seems a bit like using food as a reward but actually it’s that we get to spend some time together that we both love.

School bag, snacks and uniform all have to be ready the night before. And since I started getting up at 5,I get an hour and a half to myself that means I’m already ready and feel set for the day before she’s up.

I’d also look at bedtimes. When we’re experiencing a bad week, we move bedtime back half an hour because it often seems to come down to tiredness. We don’t allow tv/screen time after 6 either. From then it’s getting ready for tomorrow, bath, board game and book time etc.

BlueSkiesLies · 26/03/2019 10:30

You know, the 4 year old is nursery, and just needs to wear tracksuit bottoms and a top presumably? Just put him to bed in them and 'voila', he's already dressed in the morning! The ultimate cheat...!

That is rats. If you can't cope with dressing your child you need to have a hard look at yourself.

oh4forkssake · 26/03/2019 10:31

Loads of great suggestions here but to add mine...(my two are 5 & 6)

No screens - trying to drag them away from them is too stressful so we don't have them to begin with.
We don't have a physical chart but everyone knows they don't get to have fun until the "jobs" are done. They are (in this order)
Eating breakfast (in pjs as I don't want to have to clean uniform or deal with aprons)
Get dressed, wash teeth, do hair (all clothes, toothbrushes, hairbrushes are in the kitchen having been laid out the night before)
Make sure everything is in bookbags.

Then, and this bit is key, 10 minute warning to leave - you want a toy? Go and find it now -when the big hand hits the 9, it's coats and shoes and out. So you have that 10 minutes to sort yourself out.

I get dressed and am ready to go before I go downstairs - that means I only have them to get ready.

We still have rows - it's not perfect. I'm still the one in the playground receiving as many sympathetic looks and pats on the back as I give out - but I am finding that consistency works.

Three mornings a week our nanny gets them ready and she follows precisely the same routine if I'm away with work and DH is in charge, the wheels come off a bit

I know you say you're working on the hormonal stuff but I can't emphasise enough, shouting really really doesn't help. If I shout at DD2 that's it - I end up practically dragging her to school which isn't a good start to anyone's day Sad.

TheABC · 26/03/2019 10:35

I have a 2 and 5 year old here, so I feel your pain! I agree, the trick is to get time to yourself first - if you are dressed, fed and ready it makes the rest of the routine much easier. I am also a fan of the 10 minute buffer - in the winter, I make it 20 minutes to allow for gloves, scarfs and boots on.