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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should i say anything or not to neighbour?

52 replies

Get123 · 24/03/2019 19:53

Hi all need some opinions, lived in my house 2 years all going fab our dream little house, then about 2 months ago we got new neighbours. Mum seems friendly, have never spoke but waved and smiled a couple of times, but the problem is her dd she's about 13? I would say not quite sure and has from day one starred at me and my 3 kids whenever we go in our front garden, go out to the car, chatting to people on our doorstep or if my kids 6 and 9 are playing up and down infront of my house. It a full on stare in the eyes attitude kind of look and she'll do it the whole time we're out not looking away once and following us with her eyes, until we either get in car and drive off or go back inside I've never known anything like it, it's getting really annoying and really unsettling my children who don't want to play out anymore. She never says anything or is horrible to the children but a couple of times she has been standing with her friends and they all started doing it and sniggering at me, kids weren't there then another time it was dress up day at my kids school and she stared at us all the way to the car and was giving my kids a really smirky snidey look and they both said once we drove off do we look silly that girl was laughing at us. It's really pissing me off as no reason for it at all as far as I can see and it's making me not like the road any more :( husband has noticed so I'm not going mad! But he said just ignore it. I can't as I have plants out the front I love looking after but just feel these eyes boring into me every time I step out my front door :( she's out in her garden a lot. Should I ask her if anything is wrong and why she keeps starring at us? I've tried saying hi thinking she was just seeing who we were but she gave me a dirty look and didn't answer! Or do I knock during school and ask her mum if anything is up and ask her to have a word with her dd? I've got to do something as it's really annoying me now that it's effecting my kids just don't know how to go about it? Wwyd? Suggestions would be great thanks x

OP posts:
Get123 · 24/03/2019 19:53

Wow sorry that was so long 😳

OP posts:
Huntress2020 · 24/03/2019 19:55

She is just looking at you?

No, I wouldn't knock on a door over a child staring. I think I'd just ignore it.

PepsiLola · 24/03/2019 19:56

Next time she's in the window, knock or signal for her to come out.

Ask her out right why she stares or laughs at your kids, as it's rude. I bet she won't do it again

Nicknacky · 24/03/2019 19:56

Just ignore her. She’s a child.

KarmaStar · 24/03/2019 19:56

Hello OP,
Personally i would totally ignore her.when she gets no reaction whatsoever she might get bored and (grow up) take her teenage angst elsewhere.
Flowers for you for having awful new neighbour.
Good luck

Sparklesocks · 24/03/2019 19:58

I would just continue saying hello when you catch her staring then get back to what you are doing. She is only a kid and maybe just nosey/not mature enough to understand it’s rude to stare. Does she come out of the house just to stare or is it from the window?

checkingforballoons · 24/03/2019 20:00

Just give her an overly enthusiastic wave every time you see her Grin

Ledkr · 24/03/2019 20:01

I'd stick my tongue out 😂
But seriously why don't you and the kids make a game out of not looking at her. She's clearly trying to piss you off so just don't look as if you've noticed.
She sounds a bit troubled to be honest, kids that age are normally self absorbed and not in the slightest bit interested in anyone else.

MrsEricBana · 24/03/2019 20:02

She's 13, a bit nosey, a bit rude is all. Just wave or ignore her.

rritchie44 · 24/03/2019 20:03

She is certainly trying to intimidate you but stick to your guns and behave as though she is invisible. She is a kid with nothing better to do and I should think will grow out of it. Perhaps be more friendly with the Mum and make small talk here and there. If the Mum likes you she has nowhere to go with this.

Get123 · 24/03/2019 20:03

Thanks for the replies, yes that's what I think she's a child but I can't get over been starred at like I've got 3 heads all the time! It's quite unnerving!! I really don't get it!
If it was just to me I'd think ok bog pants on time but my kids find it quite intimidating as she just stands there gawping and smirking at them until they come back in because they feel uncomfortable as she's a lot older bigger than them and I don't think it's fair :(
Hear what everybody is saying though x

OP posts:
Driftingthoughlife · 24/03/2019 20:04

I know just how unsettling this can be to have someone starring at you. I once went in hospital for major surgery. I had to be in 24 hours before as I had to have blood clotting pills. The women in the bed opposite just stared and stared at me. The bay had no curtains (not sure why). During the day I could ignore it but when night came she sat with her chair at the end of her bed and just stared at me full on. I was diagonal to her.
The nursing staff told me she always sits like that at night (not sure when she got any sleep). Now I am sure the poor lady had some kind of dementure but it totally freaked me out. Ever time I led down I could feel her eyes on me and everytime I went to the toliet her eyes followed me in and out of the bay.
I ended up so freaked out I had a huge epileptic fit and the operation was cancelled.
I still wake up sometimes with a shiver remembering

Drum2018 · 24/03/2019 20:05

Best to ignore her - don't even glance in her direction. However, if you happen to look her way stare back for as long as she stares.

MakeItRain · 24/03/2019 20:05

Yes you need to do your best to give her a cheerful wave then ignore her. You need a few stock answers for if your children ask questions, such as "she's probably bored"/"you two have company but she's on her own"/"she's probably just wants company"/ "just give her a wave she's probably lonely"/"she might find it hard to talk to people."

Try not to show you're intimidated, and give her a cheerful greeting. Definitely don't stop going outside. She'll eventually get bored.

MeowthThatsRight · 24/03/2019 20:06

A cheery ‘hello, how are you?’ Then when she fails to respond give her a detailed description of how you are, what you’ve been up to, ask her about school, are there any good looking boys etc. Then next time you see her tell her how much you enjoy the little chats you get to have with her, ask her again if there are any boys she likes, the names of the boys you liked at school. Repeat until she hides every time she sees you coming.

JaffacakesAreCakesNotBiscuits · 24/03/2019 20:06

Give a thumbs up!

I have a 15 Yr old sister. She's a people. Watcher and often I have to tell her to stop as it looks like she's being spiteful when she isnt. Altho she'd never snigger.

Driftingthoughlife · 24/03/2019 20:06

I would laugh and wave, tell yours kids to do the same. She will soon tire of it if she thinks she is not getting to you even sooner if she thinks you are laughing at her.

TwoRoundabouts · 24/03/2019 20:08

@MeowthThatsRight LOL but it will probably work.

Get123 · 24/03/2019 20:08

Thank you so much people 😊 Really good suggestions, I'm no good at confrontation 😬 I realise I sound like a complete wuss! At least I have some good ideas for now on x x

OP posts:
underneaththeash · 24/03/2019 20:10

She’s a child.. just say “Is everything okay (child’s name)?”

Driftingthoughlife · 24/03/2019 20:11
Grin
Should i say anything or not to neighbour?
Phantastic · 24/03/2019 20:11

Is there a possibility she is SEN? My 8 year old has severe SEN (you wouldn't necessarily realise she had by looking at her) and stares at people, sometimes with a giggle!. She means no malice whatsoever, in fact wouldn't know how to be a bad person, she is just super inquisitive!

UbbesPonytail · 24/03/2019 20:12

OP, as bizarre as this sounds, DDs school and childminder have an issue with this with lots of the kids, almost as if it’s ‘in.’ Goodness knows why, but I’d try to ignore it as much as you can. I don’t think a cheerful and enthusiastic wave as PPs have mentioned, would hurt though...

Driftingthoughlife · 24/03/2019 20:12
Grin
Should i say anything or not to neighbour?
Sizeofalentil · 24/03/2019 20:12

Love bomb her - wave and act ultra friendly. Ask her where she got her bag and jacket from as you want the same.

She'll think you're mad, but guarantee she'll stop trying to get your attention if you do this.