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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should i say anything or not to neighbour?

52 replies

Get123 · 24/03/2019 19:53

Hi all need some opinions, lived in my house 2 years all going fab our dream little house, then about 2 months ago we got new neighbours. Mum seems friendly, have never spoke but waved and smiled a couple of times, but the problem is her dd she's about 13? I would say not quite sure and has from day one starred at me and my 3 kids whenever we go in our front garden, go out to the car, chatting to people on our doorstep or if my kids 6 and 9 are playing up and down infront of my house. It a full on stare in the eyes attitude kind of look and she'll do it the whole time we're out not looking away once and following us with her eyes, until we either get in car and drive off or go back inside I've never known anything like it, it's getting really annoying and really unsettling my children who don't want to play out anymore. She never says anything or is horrible to the children but a couple of times she has been standing with her friends and they all started doing it and sniggering at me, kids weren't there then another time it was dress up day at my kids school and she stared at us all the way to the car and was giving my kids a really smirky snidey look and they both said once we drove off do we look silly that girl was laughing at us. It's really pissing me off as no reason for it at all as far as I can see and it's making me not like the road any more :( husband has noticed so I'm not going mad! But he said just ignore it. I can't as I have plants out the front I love looking after but just feel these eyes boring into me every time I step out my front door :( she's out in her garden a lot. Should I ask her if anything is wrong and why she keeps starring at us? I've tried saying hi thinking she was just seeing who we were but she gave me a dirty look and didn't answer! Or do I knock during school and ask her mum if anything is up and ask her to have a word with her dd? I've got to do something as it's really annoying me now that it's effecting my kids just don't know how to go about it? Wwyd? Suggestions would be great thanks x

OP posts:
Driftingthoughlife · 24/03/2019 20:13

Not sure why that posted twice

Phantastic · 24/03/2019 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flowersintheatticconversion · 24/03/2019 20:13

I don’t mean to be harsh op but I think the fact that this bothers you so much you want to say something to your neighbour says more about you than them. Just say hello or ignore, don’t make it a big deal and don’t teach your children it’s a big deal

CheekyChappy710 · 24/03/2019 20:15

She could just be a lairy little teenage madam. I was at that age Blush just be overly friendly to her. She'll soon feel awkward. Tell your kids to be friendly too and not to make a mountain out of a mole hill.

Mummyshark2018 · 24/03/2019 20:15

I would just ignore it. Teenagers can be strange creatures!

HeavyLocks · 24/03/2019 20:15

"excuse me but can you tell me why you stare at us like that?"

Original poster
Get123 · 24/03/2019 20:19

The penguins are my new mantra 🤣

OP posts:
Driftingthoughlife · 24/03/2019 20:19

I would not say SEN if she is sniggering with mates. Is she always at the window op? Even when you are not out?

HaventGotAllDay · 24/03/2019 20:20

Have you ever said "hi" to her?

Like people normally do when they come across their neighbours?

Original poster
Get123 · 24/03/2019 20:23

Flowers, everyone is different, some people find it uncomfortable that's all x

OP posts:
Original poster
Get123 · 24/03/2019 20:25

Haven't, yes I wrote I did say hi and she gave me a dirty look just stared and didn't say anything I normally say hi when I come across neighbours x

OP posts:
Dvg · 24/03/2019 20:25

Exact same thing happened to me when i was younger, neighbor about 12-14 would just stare and it always creeped me out as she literally wouldn't move and stood there for at least 30 minutes just staring at me and giving dirty looks if i looked at her so i went back inside and never played in the garden again for months..
My mum knew why as she was creeped out by her as well so had a conversation with the neighbor about her.

CuppaSarah · 24/03/2019 20:26

Honestly I'd keep over enthusiastically waving, smiling, over exaggeratedly mouth morning, bye etc. at her. At 13 she'll cringe herself into a new universe when she realises you're not going to stop. Don't be intimidated by a child

Pinkbells · 24/03/2019 20:27

Maybe for whatever reason she doesn't realise the staring is rude. You could wait until she has gone to school then knock next door and invite the mum around for coffee? I would guess that without even asking during general conversation you will pick up something about her (maybe she suffers from anxiety, could have a trauma from something before they moved there, could be anything). Softly softly approach, but definitely carry on smiling when you see her and try not to worry about it or escalate it.

Babyornotbaby · 24/03/2019 20:28

The child may well have SN.

youarenotkiddingme · 24/03/2019 20:36

A teenage girl did this to me and ds for ages.

Then is started to do the faux "oh is my hair a mess" or "oh have I got toothpaste round my mouth" with hair pat or face rub and basically made out she must be staring for a reason.

She hated it. Couldn't think of anything to say and it stopped pretty quickly Grin

amyds2104 · 24/03/2019 20:38

I was also going to suggest possible SEN? I know someone's child who waits at the gate all day. Appears completely 'normal' (hate that word) but his favourite thing in the world is to go out the house and wait by the gate whenever he thinks someone is coming.

To avoid confrontation but make her aware you are not intimidated (even if you are pretending) be over the top nice. Possibly be nice to parent as well?

Although I have no idea where you live so it is easy for me to say don't be intimidated by a teenager but they can be quite scary. Especially if she is bringing friends with her.

Springwalk · 24/03/2019 20:41

I would assume she had mental health issues and give her the benefit of the doubt.
Tell your dc she is sad and lonely, and to wave cheerily to cheer her up.
This is not normal behaviour in my experience and I would be worried for the girl rather than intimidated, she doesnt appear to have much of a life if she is always watching yours. Carry on as normal op

Hersheys · 24/03/2019 20:42

I would absolutely go and ask the mother wtf is wrong with her child. I wouldn't have my children not wanting to play out and feeling like that. 13 is a nasty age and it needs nipping in the bud now

S1naidSucks · 24/03/2019 20:46

I’d wave at her and ask if she wanted to come over and play. Do that once or twice in front of her friends and she’ll be hiding from you. 😁

1CantPickAName · 24/03/2019 20:46

I would be upset too, especially if it’s upsetting your kids. Id knock and speak to her mother, explain what she is doing, what happened with her friends and what happened when your kids were dressed up. You shouldn’t have to feel like that in your own home but definitely don’t speak to the girl directly.

Smileymoon · 24/03/2019 20:47

As neighbours go, staying is not too bad because you can ignore it. It isn't pleasant but at least they aren't loud, really messy, blocking your drive, moving your fence etc.

cakeandchampagne · 24/03/2019 20:52

I suggest you wave hi and smile sincerely whenever you see her- because you are a good neighbor. (And she might turn out to be one also.)

DameFanny · 24/03/2019 20:57

I'm with meowth and cuppaSarah - she's 13 and so damn cool she can intimidate a whole family...

Except she's a 13 yo girl and you've been a 13 yo girl so you know which buttons to press...

Just channel your cringiest aunt or primary school teacher and start talking with genuine enthusiasm. And if she tries to step it up, ask her if her periods are ok, don't worry sweetie the spots don't last forever, is that a new thing you're doing with your hair etc etc

I'd run screaming

FineFanks · 24/03/2019 20:59

Stare her back!!!! Until she breaks eye contact. I bet she won’t do it again after that.

If you stare her back and it goes on and on, wave her to come over to you. I bet she looks away then, if she doesn’t and she does approach, simply say “Hello. What’s your name?” if she answers with her name ask her “is there something you wish to ask me, ?” If she says No, just smile and say OK and walk away.

Don’t act intimidated!!!!