To be pissed off about my goat curry?

[Manikoutai]

In laws are visiting. We live abroad.

On Thursday and Friday, I made several trips to various shops to buy ingredients for a Thai massaman mutton (goat) curry, which is one of DH’s favourite dishes and something I know his parents eat (they’re Asian). Spent a long time pounding spices, doing curry paste, trimming and marinating the meat last night. Everyone knew I was making goat curry for dinner tonight. It’s a slow dish and takes hours to cook.

Today I spent the whole day driving DD to a birthday party and back. Came home at 4pm and immediately started cooking.

While I was ferrying DD around, DH, in laws and DS had lunch and pigged out at an all you can eat buffet.

At 6pm, everyone announced they had eaten too much at lunch and they don’t want any dinner.

AIBU to think this is quite rude considering they all knew what the plan was for tonight? I’m still cooking it, we can have it reheated tomorrow night, but it won’t be as nice reheated.

Disclaimer: I know this isn’t the biggest problem in the world. I’m just curious to know if others also think it’s inconsiderate, or am I being too sensitive (AF and easily irritated).

@Italiangreyhound Next time they come, your dh does the cooing, I suggest, and/or ferries people about!

Nooo! Then DH will spend all day in the kitchen (or order pizza every night). And if HE ferries kids around, that means I need to entertain the in laws.

The current system works fine - so long as people eat what I cook 👩‍🍳

Can I just say I feel for you OP. This has happened with my in-laws too, to the point of them not even having over-eaten beforehand but just openly saying they'd rather get a takeaway despite knowing I was cooking and had bought stuff. They're not intentionally rude, just blessed with zilcho tact sometimes.

The only solace I'd take is that as others have said, curry tastes amazing the next day. I'd be peeved with your DH for not having said about holding off on the food front. In fact maybe just have that amazing massaman all to yourself!

Manikoutai I love goat, I would eat it!

Did any of them think you might be hungry after all that cooking and rushing around with the children and bring some food back for you? Or did you have to then sort out something else for yourself so there would be enough left for everyone tomorrow?
I'd be really cross about this, I find it really selfish. Not recognising the effort and time and thought that went into it and apologising was just rude and disrespectful.

Very rude behaviour. I once was expecting a dinner guestit had been arranged long in advanceand spent hours cooking the meal. He cancelled by phone a few minutes before he was due to arrive as he had received another invitation that he clearly preferred. Appalling manners. The dinner mostly went to waste and needless to say I did not ever invite him again.

but it won’t be as nice reheated

Definitely not ! it will be far better the second day - I always do curry the day before we're going to eat it, the flavours become so much more delicious ! Your inlaws will be impressed !.

@Ohtherewearethen, I don’t think anyone thought about that. It’s not a big deal, I could have had pasta bake with the kids but I didn’t mind a light dinner. It’s not like I’ve starved myself to feed the family!

The curry is now cooked, it tastes great and is cooling down. Thanks to everyone for reminding me it’ll still be edible tomorrow.

FIL always does this. Arrives for a pre-planned meal and announces he's eaten a sandwich.

WHY!?? I'm an excellent bloody cook! It's RUDE!

I always thought that it was referred to as curried goat and goat curry was somehow wrong/rude. No idea why.

[misses point]

I thought curried goat was the Caribbean dish - but no idea why!

I always thought that it was referred to as curried goat and goat curry was somehow wrong/rude

I think that's in the Caribbean? I might be wrong.

My DH doesn't cook much and I think it sometimes leads him to underestimate the amount of work that goes into having a lovely dinner on the table (night after fecking night).

It's great that your DH has apologised - I'm sure your curry will be lovely tomorrow!

Absolutely agree with @FizzyGreenWater at 11.34 - get him telt!!

I’m really surprised that you sound like such an amazing cook yet didn’t think it would be edible or even nice tomorrow! Slow cooked dishes like this most definitely improve with a bit of time and it will be at peak deliciousness tomorrow! What made you think otherwise?

But to answer your question, yes, they were all phenomenally rude, I can’t fathom how 3 adults who all knew what effort you were going to could not have thought it was rude to just cancel dinner. (Unless they secretly wanted to eat the more delicious version tomorrow and it was all a cunning plan? )

I made loads of massaman curry the other week and whilst it was delicious, it was loads better reheated the next day!

Very inconsiderate of them op. I'd take lovingly prepared home cooked food over buffet any fats

*day that should say

Curry goat is also a Caribbean dish.

I really want goat curry now.

Yes it was very rude. I'm glad he said sorry.

I love goat curry/curried goat

YANBU - I would refuse to cook for the rest of their trip to be honest.

This happened to me once too, my in laws had been invited for dinner they came and told me they didn’t want anything to eat because they had a late pub lunch, I was seething and still am seven years later so I understand why your annoyed!

@JessieMcJessie, thank you but I’m far from an amazing cook. I haven’t done this dish in a while and due to having the tiniest fridge, we don’t do leftovers as often as I’d like.

I always worry about the meat getting tough and the potatoes disintegrating, but on a low heat it should be fine tomorrow I’m sure.

Or maybe I was just subconsciously looking for a reason to be miserable about my curry?

It only needs gentle heating tomorrow, and it shouldn’t make the meat tough or the potatoes disintegrate.

It’ll be delicious!

The meat won’t toughen up again once it’s got soft from long slow cooking, but you should make sure that the meat is all submerged in the sauce to stop it drying out. and you’re not cooking it when serving the next day, just reheating, so the potatoes won’t be cooking for significantly longer.

I would find this massively frustrating if they knew. Yes, it's rude.
My only mitigating circumstances question would be are they the sort of people who also spend time, money and evergy doing what you did in making the curry? Do they understand why you are then invested in it? I love to entertain and put the effort in. Not everyone does and I have learnt that sometimes people don't get that. And it's easy to forget as the guest.
Still rude though.