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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel angry

49 replies

PinkGlitter123 · 23/03/2019 22:44

At a friend who is showing concern and disapproval over 'Friend B's' New relationship?
B separated from husband after a long marriage and was crying to friend over it regularly and very much involving them. A few weeks on B met someone new and a couple months on introduced child to this partner.

The friend has voiced concern and cant look B in the face anymore/seems very quiet. Both friends are of the same sex/and are straight. Friend is close to B's child.

OP posts:

Littleraindrop15 · 23/03/2019 22:46

Why are you angry??

Original poster

PinkGlitter123 · 23/03/2019 22:48

B is a family member of mine

OP posts:

FissionChips · 23/03/2019 22:48

How long is a couple of months? It’s a bit shit to introduce a new partner to a child so soon, especially when that child is still coming to terms with the separation etc.
Could it be that she/he disapproves of?

Original poster

PinkGlitter123 · 23/03/2019 22:51

Just trying to look at it from both sides.
Child was told about the separation in July and introduced to the new partner last month.

OP posts:

Hahaha88 · 23/03/2019 22:51

She met new partner a couple of week's after her marriage breakdown? If I was her friend I'd voice concern too. Has she never heard of healing time?

FissionChips · 23/03/2019 22:53

I bet A is also pissed off that B has seemily used them emotionally , ,probably draining and causing some stress for A, and then gets over it all sharpish when a new man is on the scene.

Original poster

PinkGlitter123 · 23/03/2019 22:53

Said it wasn't planned but that they are now deeply in love and never been happier.

OP posts:

Hahaha88 · 23/03/2019 22:55

It not being planned doesn't make it any better. I think yabu. I'd be very surprised if the relationship lasts

Original poster

PinkGlitter123 · 23/03/2019 22:57

I guess I do feel a bit annoyed with the friend. I know she was asked to get involved so heavily but she has said her piece and yet after hearing the child has been introduced to the partner, she has repeated the concern and quiet behaviour. Say it once but then leave it kind of thing in my opinion.

OP posts:

FissionChips · 23/03/2019 22:57

Said it wasn't planned but that they are now deeply in love and never been happier

Lol, that’s what they all say...

Littleraindrop15 · 23/03/2019 22:59

If someone I was close to ended their marriage and they were continuously crying for weeks and I was helping her/him through the process and they out of blue jumped into a relationship and played happy families in the space of couple of months, I would à) think this à rebound b) they haven't healed from the previous relationship and is looking for a quick fix c) don't think it will last and probably blow up in their face and back to square one. D) the poor kid hasn't had the chance to digest the marriage breakdown and is now thrown into a new dynamic.

If I was you I would be angry at friend b and I would be angrier if the friend didn't voice any concerns.

The friend has nothing to gain from the situation it's b's life if she wants to jump the gun without having gotten over stuff. She should be glad someone cares enough to voice concerns..

brizzlemint · 23/03/2019 23:00

Is this the same couple as mentioned in the abc childcare thread ?

FissionChips · 23/03/2019 23:02

yet after hearing the child has been introduced to the partner, she has repeated the concern and quiet behaviour

She’s concerned about the safety of a child, how can you be angry about that? Just because B is your relative doesn’t mean he/she isn’t being a crap parent with regards to her child’s safety and well-being, does it?

Original poster

PinkGlitter123 · 23/03/2019 23:07

Yes but with a few details changed to prevent outing.
Is it being a crap parent though when its been a good few months? Also I think a concern should be raised once and then left.

OP posts:

AuntMarch · 23/03/2019 23:10

If A was Bs sounding board and shoulder to cry on, A has earned the right to an opinion. I'd have the same opinion.

What are you actually angry with?

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 23/03/2019 23:11

You're B really aren't you?

The friend is concerned and rightfully so. While there are exceptions, bad separation after a long marriage,New relationship soon after , I'm in luuuurve AND introducing a child so quickly,normally ends in disaster. And sadly it's the children that suffer the most.

Get over your "anger", watch out for that kid and be glad others do too.

Original poster

PinkGlitter123 · 23/03/2019 23:13

Because its making B feel uncomfortable and upset, her change in behaviour and the fact she can't be happy for her that something good has come out of something bad.

OP posts:

FissionChips · 23/03/2019 23:16

Is it being a crap parent though when its been a good few months?

Yes. Nearly every relationship is good the first few months, otherwise horrible people wouldn’t get partners.

Also I think a concern should be raised once and then left

Not where a child is concerned.

Littleraindrop15 · 23/03/2019 23:18

I hope A doesn't waste any more of her time on deluded B.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 23/03/2019 23:20

And if it turns bad , as it's very likely to do?

He doesn't even need to be a horrible man, just find the DD difficult,push her out, disrupt her life or have her get attached to him and then fuck off when the relationship doesn't work.

ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 23/03/2019 23:42

So the friend can't look B in the face anymore and is quiet?
Or the child is now quiet and can't look her mother in the face?

If it's the child's behaviour that has suddenly changed why aren't you concerned too?

FrancisCrawford · 23/03/2019 23:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 23/03/2019 23:56

If you think A, who was B’s confidante through this whole thing, is sticking her nose in too much, then what the hell are you doing by comparison? Keep your beak out.

FrancisCrawford · 23/03/2019 23:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

PinkGlitter123 · 24/03/2019 08:03

That's what I mean.
B has asked her what's wrong and A has told her in the past but continued the behaviour when she heard about the introductions. Seeing as she has already had her opinion, she should have just kept out of it.

OP posts:

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