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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just face the consequences of non school attendance because this is more important

85 replies

Mumshotel · 23/03/2019 19:28

Ive just had a few wines. Split with abusive husband at Christmas and i just thought fuck it we need a break. Got some insurance money after a horrible car crash. So i bought a new oven, fridge and booked a week in gran canaria and boarding for animals in june. Its not school holidays. I think i might get fined. Aibu to not fucking care anymore???

OP posts:
champagneplanet · 23/03/2019 19:54

Just go and enjoy yourselves. I did it in October, DH had a big birthday, didn't want a party or big present so we went abroad to a nice hotel with the DCs and his parents. It was lovely and I told the school the truth, got a fine and paid it and that was the end of it.

I have always followed the rules before but made an exception this time and i'm glad I did.

starsparkle08 · 23/03/2019 19:55

Maybe ask for permission and explain your circumstances . Regardless of outcome go anyway .
Well done on leaving your abusive partner xx

Ithinkmycatisevil · 23/03/2019 19:57

Unless they're sitting their GCSEs, then no not unreasonable at all. Go and enjoy yourself.

livinglavidavillanelle · 23/03/2019 19:57

Oh fuck it. You've been through hell and you and the DC deserve it.

Our school is £60 per week per child. But it seems quite arbitrary IMO.

starsparkle08 · 23/03/2019 19:59

To add to previous reply ,My son has autism asd and ld and at specialist school . I’ve always asked and so far my requests have always been allowed .

Considering the impact of living with your abusive ex has had on your children I would argue that it does meet the criteria to be authorised . Xx

ASauvignonADay · 23/03/2019 20:00

Just go and pay the fine, it's honestly not a huge big deal. If you apply in advance it might even be authorised!

RedBerryTea · 23/03/2019 20:01

Your eldest is only 7, so not going to miss anything important. We took ours out a couple of times around that age, but in those days (20+ years ago) schools were more accepting. Have a fab holiday OP, you bloody deserve it Wine

SignOnTheWindow · 23/03/2019 20:01

Teacher here. Do it, do it, do it. It'll be very good for you and your DC. Have a wonderful time - sounds like you really deserve it.

morallowground · 23/03/2019 20:03

I wouldn’t ask for permission anyway, I’d phone in sick for the week for your 7 year old and your 4 year old is too young for a fine anyway.

Zoflorabore · 23/03/2019 20:04

Sod it op, you deserve this very much!

We've taken ours out twice before and have not been fined.
The first time i wrote a letter to ds's head teacher ( He was in year 8 at the time and had joined the school at the end of year 7 due to bullying at another school ) and was really honest and said he'd had a really tough time and the holiday was also for his fragile MH. They actually approved it!
The second year we just told them and obviously it wasn't approved which was fine but again we didn't receive a fine.

After the time you have all had no doubt, I would write a letter to school explaining that your dc will hugely benefit from a holiday as you have escaped DA ( that's is you want to disclose to them of course ) as it may be classed as extenuating circumstances.

Regardless of this op, have a bloody ball Flowers

MrsWombat · 23/03/2019 20:05

Please tell the school in writing that you are going on a family holiday to recover after DV. They are unlikely to authorise it but go anyway. Unauthorised Family Holiday is a different code to Unknown Reason, and looks slightly better in the unlikely event it ends up at the EWO. In the school I work in, and my children's school you just get a snotty letter saying that they haven't authorised the holiday and have passed the info on to the local EWO, but nothing further happens. However it would certainly effect attendance rewards in my school. Obviously, things might be different in your LA.

Enjoy your holiday.

Fantababy · 23/03/2019 20:06

Can you not phone in sick? And surely they can't fine for the wee one if they're under 5?

hdh747 · 23/03/2019 20:08

4, in nursery and 7 in school
I thought that mean 11 kids and was panicking for you at the size of the fines. Grin
Hope you have a fab holiday whatever happens.

Original poster
Mumshotel · 23/03/2019 20:09

I really was wondering about ringing in sick. But tbh given the great advice above i think i might just tell them a few weeks befire.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumshotel · 23/03/2019 20:10

Ha ha ha. No. Definately not all of those kids!!!!

OP posts:
Maldives2006 · 23/03/2019 20:16

If you have a good open relationship with school, then I would be completely honest this sounds like extenuating circumstances and as long as you promise to catch up with any missed work. I think you may be pleasantly surprised they will have to send a attendance letter at the end of term but they have to send that whether the absence is authorised or not

Yougotdis · 23/03/2019 20:19

I would write a letter to school explaining your reasons for taking the time out and that you feel it will be beneficial to your child to recuperate. Say you will be going, you hope given the circumstances they will mark it as authorised but you understand if they don’t.

Original poster
Mumshotel · 23/03/2019 20:21

Thank you everyone. Xx

OP posts:
Shookethtothecore · 23/03/2019 20:22

I took mine out at 4 and 5 and was absolutely fine. Once they hit 6 and he 2 they start getting their hair off because of the sats. I would still take mine out after their Sats tho. Some things are more important when they are so little.

pointythings · 23/03/2019 20:26

4 and 7? Just do it. You deserve it. Neither of your DC is going to suffer in terms of their education from having a lovely relaxing break in the sun with their mum - in fact, it will do their mental health the world of good. Don't give it another thought.

Pinkbells · 23/03/2019 20:28

Sorry to hear you've had such a rotten time. It sounds like you have hit on the perfect idea for helping yourself and your kids through it. And if you tell the school in confidence that you have split from an abusive relationship and need a break then they would have a heart of stone to report you.

RB68 · 23/03/2019 20:29

fill out the form and book an appt to see the head - tell them what they have been through and I am sure unless there are huge issues at school it will be OK

Wolfiefan · 23/03/2019 20:31

Fuck the fine!
You can afford it and your kids and you sound like you REALLY need this break.
(And I’m always the one shouting about how kids should be in school and a holiday isn’t a big deal. In this case? I think you should be prescribed a bloody awesome holiday!)
Have a wonderful time OP. Flowers

ShellieEllie · 23/03/2019 20:37

My sister does it all the time with her 2 DC and has never been fined. They've already had 2 holidays in this school year and they're off again in a couple of months. (Not saying it's right in her case though!) As long as your oldest DCs attendance is good I doubt you'll be chased with a fine.

Blondebombsite83 · 23/03/2019 20:44

Do not phone in sick. The Local Authority can prosecute (not just fine) depending on attendance percentages etc. Apply for it. In our school we would most likely authorise. Be aware that ex husband will also be fined if he is the 7 year olds father. Consider any issues that may cause you.