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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ds 12 & DD 7 climbing on our scaffolding this morning

91 replies

lavenderpekins · 23/03/2019 14:43

Sooo dangerous? Neglectful possibly? I was in the bath, DH was meant to be with them? They went to the top. Am I unreasonable to have been livid??? 😵

OP posts:
diddl · 23/03/2019 15:43

" And the builders told ds12 to only go up if they were there. "

Why would they say that?

DeaflySilence · 23/03/2019 15:43

Yes, dangerous and unacceptable!

but exactly what I did at those ages, along with other similar stuff

Original poster
lavenderpekins · 23/03/2019 15:44

Ds2 was calling them to come down, he's 10 and was worried. DH was already miffed by me because I had a go at him for letting dd4 walk all through the house with her muddy wellies (before I went for a bath!) So it's like he was distracted by that... He hates me pulling him up on anything. I'm exasperated.

OP posts:
JellyBeanScene · 23/03/2019 15:46

Your builders shouldn't be allowing or encouraging your ds to go up there at all. That's incredibly foolish of them.

endofthelinefinally · 23/03/2019 15:58

It sounds as if your DH is your 4th child. This is very common and is exhausting.

brizzlemint · 23/03/2019 15:59

I'd be furious with them, with your DH and with the builders who 'sort of' put the ladders away.

Takethebuscuitandthesink · 23/03/2019 15:59

I’m not being funny but a 12 year old should be able to minimally risk asses and supervise a younger sibling. It sounds like you neeed to work on his maturity and not be a helicopter parent and rather give him the skills the he needs to be able to deal with these situations rather than you dealing with them for him. As for your dh it sounds like you need a conversation about parenting and get on the same page and come to a compromise that you are both happy with.

Grace212 · 23/03/2019 16:05

"DH was already miffed by me because I had a go at him for letting dd4 walk all through the house with her muddy wellies "

did he clean up?

picklemepopcorn · 23/03/2019 16:11

I had a scaffolding tower outside my bedroom window for a while, and used it to get in and out. I loved it.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 23/03/2019 16:11

One of my DDs happiest childhood memories is the summer they spent on our scaffolding when our house was extended, they were probably 10/11.

endofthelinefinally · 23/03/2019 16:13

I suppose the 12 year old was reassured by the clear message from dad that it was ok, and silly mummy was making a fuss about nothing.
Children learn from their parents and this is why parenting should be a team effort with some common ground around risk assessment.
(My MIL made it her mission to undermine my parenting constantly, even when my children were put at risk and actually injured as a result).
It is very stressful and infuriating when an adult who is supposed to be supervising children doesn't do it responsibly.
I understand how the OP feels.

Yabbers · 23/03/2019 16:15

Presumably you sat them down and explained the dangers of climbing on scaffolding when it first went up?

not wearing hard hats
Hard hats have nothing to do with being up a scaffolding. They are to prevent being hit by falling materials.

Takethebuscuitandthesink · 23/03/2019 16:18

I suppose the 12 year old was reassured by the clear message from dad that it was ok, and silly mummy was making a fuss about nothing.

A 12 year old should be able to use common sense to decide for themselves. Something has gone very wrong if he doesn’t have the necessary judgment and social skills to make that call.

stofi · 23/03/2019 16:18

We lost a friend who was a scaffolder. He fell.

Keep your children away from building work, it's not a playground.

formerbabe · 23/03/2019 16:21

We lost a friend who was a scaffolder. He fell

Keep your children away from building work, it's not a playground

Couldn't agree more but apparently any kind of consideration for safety makes you such an uncool, helicopter parent.

vdbfamily · 23/03/2019 16:24

I would be ok with this supervised but not unsupervised.

Sexnotgender · 23/03/2019 16:29

I’d be pretty fucked off if I were you.

Scaffolding isn’t some giant play set. Your DH needs to actually parent.

limitedperiodonly · 23/03/2019 16:35

Your husband sounds like an idiot and so do the builders - I guess they aren't the scaffolders because they put the scaffolding up in as short as time as possible and then return to take it down just as quickly.

What kind of builders say 'Only climb up there when we're looking'? I don't know any reputable builders who would want anyone monkeying around when they are trying to work. Building sites are not a playground.

And what kind of dad diminishes the danger of falling and cracking your skull by telling you to come down because Mummy is upset?

FullOfJellyBeans · 23/03/2019 16:38

As soon as the scaffolding went up kids should have been briefed that there would be absolutely no climbing on it. Whether they need supervising would depend on the kids I would hope my 6 year old would know better than this but he's cautious I know other kids that age that wouldn't be able to resist.

Original poster
lavenderpekins · 23/03/2019 16:40

This is very helpful to have other perspectives. I'm going to show this thread to DH this evening...

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 23/03/2019 16:41

Obviously kids shouldn't mess about on scaffolding.

When people fall off scaffolding it tends to be because they are working or looking at the work and so less aware of where they are.

A kid who is climbing is concentrating on climbing and so less likely to have an accident- assuming it's not a bunch, chasing each other around.

BluebadgenPIP · 23/03/2019 16:47

What are your builders playing at?

They shouldn’t be up on scaffolding that height.

My ex didn’t see risk either. He’d been brought up to be allowed to do all sorts of unsafe things.

I would be having stern words with them.

cantkeepawayforever · 23/03/2019 16:49

We had high scaffolding all around the house all of last summer (replacement roof).

The builder was very, very clear that his insurance covered himself and his workers on the scaffolding, but nobody else.

He covered or removed the ladders to deter unauthorised access, and said it went without saying that our DCs should not go on it.

So that's what happened. It's not difficult to understand.

eightoclock · 23/03/2019 16:50

Oh come on. The risk is minimal. Better than spending the day watching TV. Let them enjoy their childhood!

IHateUncleJamie · 23/03/2019 16:51

YANBU. As we mature, we are meant to develop appropriate risk aversion which keeps us safe. During the phases when we don’t have this (and IIRC it actually diminishes during adolescence which is probably why your 10 yr old was worried but not your 12 yr old) we have to rely on adults to keep us safe by setting boundaries.

Yes, the builders were bloody irresponsible but your DH was the parent “in charge” at the time so he should have laid down the law. Not bothering and then blaming “Mummy” for getting “upset” is crap, immature and lazy parenting.

You must feel as if you have another child instead of a partner.