To have told my 5 year old that his Grandad has died?

[SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc]

My Grandad died in the early hours of the morning obviously very upsetting.I told my son after school,didn't go into grown up details just explained he had died in his sleep (was 91) .Ds asked a couple of questions then didn't mention it again.Do you think hes too young to be told? I've told him now and that cant be undone but I'm second guessing myself. TIA

Why wouldn't you have told him?

At some point he's going to have asked questions 'why aren't we going to see him?' 'what did he get me for my birthday'

You need to be honest with them - I'll be honest old people dying kids tend to cope with quite well, even if they are sad for a period.
The deaths mine had issues with were when a school friend's mother died (brain tumour, was doing the school run on Thursday complaining of a headache - diagnosed on the Friday, died on the Monday) - as that made them realise parents could die - I could die etc (up till then the only losses were greatgrandparents) and when my nephew was stillborn (possibly made worse by me being 36 weeks pregnant so lead to all the 'will our baby die' questions

We had a relative die before Christmas, DN was told in very simple terms, but she took it upon herself to decide he had to go and help santa and that's why he can't be with us any more, she's not even four yet, but understands he was poorly and she won't see him any more. It's right to be honest

I'm sorry for your loss OP, for you.

It is healthy to talk about death and for it to be acknowledged. There is advice from organisations such as Winstons Wish which may be useful to look at.

Better he knows he died peacefully than believe that he's just for some reason gone missing?

My grandad died around that age, I don't even remember being told tbh (though I was).

My grandfather died last year so the kids great grandfather . Ds aged 5 and 4 understood. Was a bit upset but went to the funeral. Had dd aged 1 so no idea. They knew him as he visited often. It is a good oppertunity to discuss death in an age a ppropriate way. As a result mine are not scared of death. They think its sad but know it is inevitable in everyones life. I think this is a healthy attitude to have.

P s my nan wanted me to tell them he went on holiday and didnt come back.... i said so they would one think he abondened everyone for a holiday. And 2 be petrified to go on holiday and think they wont come back....

Honesty is the best policy in this instance

I'm so sorry for your loss.

You absolutely did the right thing - death is a part of life and it doesn't make any sense to hide it from children. And in the future he will inevitably lose other family members, ones he is closer to, so if you are open and honest with him now it will help him not only now, but in the future as he will have a better understanding.

A couple of good children's books which deal with loss are Always and Forever by Debi Gilori and Badgers Parting Gifts by Susan Varley - you might find them helpful.

When I was five my great-aunt died while staying at our house. My father - who was from a particular part of the UK - wanted to take us to see the body before the undertakers arrived to take her away. It was the custom in the part of the country he came from. My mother was dubious but didn't feel she could object. It was his aunt. She asked me years later whether it had scared me and I said no. My great-aunt obviously wasn't there any more, just the body. It seemed to answer a lot of the questions I might otherwise have had.

Sorry for your loss OP

Death is a part of life. You did the right thing by being honest with your DC. I'd be open about it if he asks any further questions.

You did the right thing OP. I had to tell my then 5 year-old DS that both his DGFs had died (they died 6 months apart). When I told him that my DF had died, he said, 'What, that's BOTH of them?' and hugged me when I said that I was sad.
And then he just got on with life... 😢

I told my 5 year old. I've had a lot of people die around me from a young age, and in particular have my baby's ashes, my father's, and my grandmother's in the house so he's asked questions about them before anyway. But it's not a taboo thing in the country my dh is from so it's just been a matter of fact thing that's been mentioned but not gone into massive detail about. I think you did the right thing.

my eldest two sons were 4 and 5 when my mum died and they took it very well they even came to the funeral.
I had no problems I just told them in a way they could understand without upsetting them too much even though I was breaking my heart.