To have told my 5 year old that his Grandad has died?

[SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc]

My Grandad died in the early hours of the morning obviously very upsetting.I told my son after school,didn't go into grown up details just explained he had died in his sleep (was 91) .Ds asked a couple of questions then didn't mention it again.Do you think hes too young to be told? I've told him now and that cant be undone but I'm second guessing myself. TIA

Sorry to hear your dad news, but you did the right thing.

I'd just say be wary of putting too much emphasis on sleep in case it worries him when you say you or he needs to go to sleep. The same happened for my grandma, DS was the same (mental) age and we explained it more along the lines of her being old. Did lead to a few "look Mummy, that persons really old, are the going to die soon?" instances

i would have told him but i wouldn't have said that he died in his sleep as often kids don't understand and could cause potential sleep issues if he feels he is just going to " die in his sleep like his grandad"

@elfycat how awful

@Dvg I know I could have kicked myself

Off course you did the right thing, what else could you have done? My ds's (10) died recently, his step mum refuses to tell her grandson (5) as he'll be upset, so doesn't want my ds to tell him, needless to say my ds is not seeing them, expecting a bereaved child to lie about his dead dad to save another child's feelings ( and let's face it, he would shrug it off) is disgusting and frankly mad

@RickyGold that's awful

It's always a difficult one, but you've done the right thing. My friend's husband died last year, and she told her grandchildren that Grandpa had gone to heaven, but was still watching over them, and thinking about them. She began to say things like " Grandpa was so pleased you were Joseph in the nativity play." It all went a bit far, and then her little grandson on his birthday said sadly and crossly " I really thought Grandpa would have come back for my party...."

Bless him! @Clawdy

@Spiritinabody that's so sad

My sibling died when I was little, my brother was 5 years old. There was no shielding is from it, we had to be told.

Sorry to hear about your grandad 💐

I was sitting next to my DD (age 3) when my husband phoned me to say his father had died suddenly so I was bounced into having to tell her in child friendly language. No regrets at all, she copes very well both now and at the time and it made subsequent dead pets easier to deal with, oddly.

Condolences OP

My grandad died on New year in another country, so I had to fly home for his funeral.

My ds was/is five and he got told that his great grandad, mummy's grandad has gone to heaven and that's why I was sad. That it was OK to be sad when this happens but that I would feel better now, and great grandad was not in any pain anymore (was 96 with a laundry list of ailments including crippling arthritis and skin cancer).

He was a bit pensive for a day or so (and missed me while I was away) but is fine now me and my dad are another story

I was also five when my grandad, not great grandad died and I was told about it. Yes I was upset but I think it would have been far worse to have not been told at all.

Is your ds familiar with the Mog books? Theres one called Goodbye Mog where she dies. Then she flew up and up and up and right into the sun.

Sorry about your Grandad.

@redexpat no hes not I'll look out for it

Of course you were right to tell him. dc of that age are very matter of fact about death, on the whole.
It would be quite weird to not tell someone their relation had died, IMO.

So sorry but yes you were right, children should be told, and where possible take them to the funeral - they won't show the same sort of emotion, and dip in and out but they do understand.

Don't worry about the sleep thing, I though my great grand aunt died because she had a broken leg when I was little. Hasn't scarred me too much!

My mum died when my DC were nearly 2 and nearly 3; I never considered not telling them! They came to the wake as well, and honestly cheered everyone up a bit. I think it's been for the best as they've got a decent understanding of death as the end now, at ages 7 and 8.

I'm sorry for your loss

I think as part of the general truth-telling it should be okay to say someone has died in their sleep. Children will pick up stuff so the less concealment the better.

The key points are that people die when they are very old and/or very ill. If they die peacefully in their sleep they are not frightened or scared. The body just stops.

Children who are young and well - and their parents who are similarly well - do not die in their sleep. They will carry on living.

My then youngest was 4 when my dad died and we talked about it.

Children need to learn about life. Involve ds in the arrangements. Funeral directors here in Australia now advertise their commitment to involing children.

Be pragmatic and matter of fact about getting upset - ds doesn’t have to follow suit.

You don’t know where in his mind the news has settled. Be prepared for a really way out question or comment that, looking back, may entertain you for years.

Dd was three when my dm died having fought the idea for six years. I used it to point out that we don’t know everything and that when we will die is the greatest mystery of life that there is.

I'm sorry for your loss.
I think you definitely have done the right thing. I do believe in telling the truth about death.
In December my stepdad of over 40 years was knocked down and killed when crossing the road. My 4 Yr old and 12 Yr old were very close to him and I told them both together ass soon as I heard. They both came to the funeral too and were amazing.

I'm so sorry for your loss.
He's definitely not too young, I don't think that a child can be too young, it's just about wording it carefully and giving lots of love, answering questions and don't worry about him seeing you are upset (so long as you aren't hysterical)
One thing I would say is be really careful about saying he died in his sleep, children can get incredibly scared about going to sleep in case they die.
Once again I'm sorry for your loss and hope you have lots of support over the next few months as you deal with your & your child's loss.