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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nana brings own baby toys

78 replies

Spotsandstripes1 · 22/03/2019 09:32

I really don't know if IABU or not.

I have a 1 year old girl. Ever since she was born, her Nana visits every week or two. Each time she brings a bag of toys to play with baby. And then takes the toys home again each time. AIBU to think this is odd? They are different toys each week and the baby enjoys playing with them. So I'm not going to stop her, but wondered if other people's parents did this or if it's a bit strange? We obviously have toys here at home!

OP posts:

CabbageHippy · 22/03/2019 11:02

why is she filling her own house with baby toys that are only so rarely played with?

Is she ? or is she shopping in charity shops & donating to charity shops?

BertrandRussell · 22/03/2019 11:02

“why is she filling her own house with baby toys that are only so rarely played with?”
I don’t know about her- but my mother had a small box of toys that were played with at her house. They were very rarely added to, and only changed when broken or grown out of. Her grandchildren looked forward to finding favourites. The box slid under her sofa so did not “fill her house”

Suze1621 · 22/03/2019 11:06

I do similar. I have several young grand children (aged between 1 & 5) in three different house holds and regularly babysit, care for children at their home while parents at work and also have them to stay from time to time. I often take toys and books with me and then take them home again - there has never been an issue from any of the children as they are used to Grans' bag of toys. Works for us.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/03/2019 11:08

What’s the problem here OP? I think it’s s great idea personally, at least she’s not bringing toys every week and leaving them to clutter your house?

Is this your mum? If so just ask her why if you feel the need to.

BertrandRussell · 22/03/2019 11:09

“Is this your mum? If so just ask her why if you feel the need to”
Ya reckon?

TwoRoundabouts · 22/03/2019 11:17

Great idea for many reasons including:

Your child gets to play with new (to her) toys.
Your child gets to learn that toys she plays with aren't always hers to keep
You don't end up with even more toys you have to get rid off.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/03/2019 11:22

Yes probably not the OP’s mum come to think of it!

ShabbyAbby · 22/03/2019 11:26

My Mum (kids Nana) does this with books. I think it's lovely that she's reading some of mine and my siblings favourites to my children. And also that they are being looked after for when my DCs have littler cousins.

NutElla5x · 22/03/2019 11:33

If they're new toys I would think it very odd and wasteful. If the toys were borrowed or second hand toys that nanny had carefully picked out I'd think it's an unusual but fantastic idea and really sweet and thoughtful.

sirmione16 · 22/03/2019 11:34

I think it's good she takes them back - less thrown around the house for you to tidy up!

AlexaAmbidextra · 22/03/2019 14:05

I see OP hasn’t been back. Probably because the replies haven’t been the ones she wanted.

alonerinlona · 22/03/2019 14:10

is this your mum?

Think it's safe to assume it's the MIL lol

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/03/2019 14:15

It amazes me the things that some women get wound up by. I think it’s actually a genius idea. Different toys every week that go home with granny. Baby doesn’t get fed up worth the same old stuff and the house doesn’t get cluttered!

FurrySlipperBoots · 22/03/2019 14:58

As a nanny (childcare, not grandparent!) I do the same thing. I have the toys anyway from running wedding creches. I explain my bringing my own toys as beneficial because:

The variety is stimulating
It promotes the concept of sharing
A car-full of toys quickly establishes that I am a 'good thing' which makes bonding quicker
The distraction helps young children with the transition when the parents leave
The children are keener to tidy up because they know they won't get to play with another of my things until they do. I can also use them as a carrot - 'WHEN you have got dressed and brushed your teeth THEN we can choose something special from my car' whereas I can't physically stop them playing with their own things!
I am able to bring stuff the family don't own and I couldn't expect them to - a giant ballpool on a rainy day, for example
I take it all away with me again at the end of the day, and parents get their house back!

In short OP it is a POSITIVE THING so stop stressing about it. You might want to clarify now what will happen when your little one is old enough to ask to keep the things. It's important you and Nana are on the same page there. My advice would be that they ALWAYS go home with her (be consistent, you may get one or 2 tantrums but then your DD will quickly learn that's just the way it is!) otherwise you'll end up with years of weekly negotiating.

ShabbyAbby · 22/03/2019 15:08

She's like a one woman toy library! I love it!

SnowdropsiUnderTrees · 22/03/2019 15:17

Perhaps she enjoys buying the toys (I know I will when I am a grandma) she thinks the baby might enjoy. It's better than bringing sweets!
OP are you still there? What is it you don't like about it?

Purpleartichoke · 22/03/2019 15:18

That is a fantastic idea.

Baby gets to explore new things
Nana gets to play with an excited baby
She gets to select things for baby without adding clutter to your house.
If she is smart she may even be cleaning up thrift store finds and just cycling through age appropriate items. Or maybe she and some of her grandparent friends are sharing the grandma toy library.

Heathcliff27 · 22/03/2019 15:28

I think this is a fab idea, will pinch it when/if i get grandchildren

dayswithaY · 22/03/2019 15:29

Going against the majority but I think it's weird and controlling. My MIL did this, except the toys were at her house and never allowed to be moved. One time my son took something home and she actually phoned up to say "That's his favourite toy so can I have it back as soon as possible." He was playing with it in his own house and she wanted me to remove it from his hands and deliver it back to her so he could play with it next time he visited. Does that make any sense to anyone?

I realised she kept these toys specifically at her house so my children would want to go there, it's so great at Nanny's house etc. I imagine this is what's going on here, Nanny keeping fun toys just for "her time. " We also had expensive bikes and scooters kept in a locked shed at Nanny's house only to be used for the duration of the visit and then locked away again.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 22/03/2019 15:34

Genius! It ensures the baby has fun playing with the new toys, and your house doesn't get filled up with crap. And by getting into this routine early, the baby understands the toys are going home with nana, but there will be new toys next week. Perfect!

Original poster

Spotsandstripes1 · 22/03/2019 15:46

Sorry had to wait to get home to charge my phone.

Thanks for all the replies! I'm really glad to see so many positive responses!

Nana has been quite manipulative in the past, so I think this has made me cautious with her. However she can also be really nice, so it seems likely this is one of these times :)

Nana happy, baby happy and well stimulated, I'm happy too.

Thanks all, will stop worrying now! Haha

OP posts:

Original poster

Spotsandstripes1 · 22/03/2019 15:48

I do also like the fact that my house isn't filled with lots of plastic toys!!

OP posts:

MeadowHay · 22/03/2019 15:56

These threads are always so weird. What could possibly be bad about this situation????? Why are some people on MN, particularly those with young children/babies, so desperate to read bad motives into the actions of others - and I'm not the only one to notice that it's usually about the person's MIL?! The drip feed there is hilarious too. (Almost) Everyone responded saying it's fine, which clearly isn't what you expected or wanted, so you've felt the need to tag on that she is in fact 'manipulative'. Right. Ok.

Also there was a comment upthread about 'the young will' - I'm only mid-twenties and definitely not one of those posters! I'd love it if my MIL acted like this, unfortunately we have basically ended up NC with her gradually over time and she has never expressed any interest in visiting our DD who is 9 months. Luckily she has a very involved DGM and DGD in my parents but the more people that love and nurture a child, the better. Bizarre that someone genuinely thinks a grandparent visiting with new and exciting toys for their baby is in any way a problem.

Efferlunt · 22/03/2019 16:07

This this is great. Variety for baby and plastic crap I don’t need to give house room!

Original poster

Spotsandstripes1 · 22/03/2019 16:35

It isn't about my MIL.

I was asked by a few PP why I was asking this question. I tried to explain by saying her behaviour in the past has made me cautious - sorry if that seemed like a dripfeed, it was not meant to be.

I am VERY PLEASED that most have answered positively! I want a good relationship with Nana and I'm really glad this is a good thing!

OP posts:

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