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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

materialistic people

111 replies

Persimmonn · 22/03/2019 01:53

AIBU to think most people in the world these days are materialistic? I feel like everything is a competition and comparison to the next person. There aren’t many genuine people left in the world.

OP posts:
cookingonwine · 22/03/2019 10:27

I used to be very materialistic, however I was very insecure and suffered with high anxiety. Since meeting and marrying my DH I have come to realise that material items are not important. Memories are ... I have completely changed my life for the better. It has only taken me 35 years though ...

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 22/03/2019 10:39

Persimmon, I know it can be hard to go against the herd, but its so liberating when you genuinely stopped giving a cuss what others think of you. For me this came with the simultaneous realization that people in general are immersed in their own lives. They don't really care about me - especially neighbours and colleagues I'm not close to - and the vast majority of the time are not thinking of me at all.

If the people around you are this materialistic it's a fair bet that they're too busy thinking about what impression they're making on others to notice what you are doing. Good Lord, what a vapid existence. Be thankful you have other, more meaningful priorities, because those who are sold on materiality to this extent are probably not truly happy.

Happiness is the resource to aspire to, and material wealth IME often seems to bring quite the opposite. Oscar Wilde got it right: 'vanity is knowing the price of everything and the value of nothing'.

I like people who are individuals, a bit alternative; thinking people who march to the beat of their own drum. Think Helena Bonham-Carter! How much more individual and interesting is she than a plethora of Hollywood clones?

Hope you find happiness in your choices, OP, and it sounds to me you have much more chance of doing that than your more materialistic neighbours.

MorrisZapp · 22/03/2019 10:46

I've got tons of cool stuff and I'm a genuine, interesting person. What an odd way to divide people up: those with stuff, and those who are genuine.

Weird.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 22/03/2019 10:48

I am an old tree hugger and not materialistic at all. I hardly ever buy new things and ask for practical gifts for Christmas (this year some kitchen scales, some mugs, a stick blender etc). I buy second hand where I can - particularly things like furniture. I don't do a lot on social media and certainly don't follow any bloggers/vloggers or anyone who promotes themselves on Instagram. I think there are millions of people like me! no need to be quite so doom and gloom op.

Ella1980 · 22/03/2019 10:50

If you judge me by my material possessions such as my car or sofa, then I reserve the right to judge you as shallow! 😊

TildaKauskumholm · 22/03/2019 10:56

I guess some of this depends on what kind of people you connect with on social media. Eg on Instagram I follow about 50 people - all of them known to me, friends, some family, and former students. Nobody shows off their house or car etc, it's more about personal things, new babies, family gatherings etc. It's lovely. Why would anyone follow those who are vain and boastful? Just get rid!

Original poster
Persimmonn · 22/03/2019 10:59

Thanks Mariel that’s a really good post.

Morris I’ve mentioned a few times, it’s not the fact you have possessions, it’s the flaunting of said possessions. Like pointing out your £600 rug or your £300 bin, or your £900 portable hoover. It’s unnecessary.

OP posts:
Original poster
Persimmonn · 22/03/2019 11:00

I’m not on FB anymore. It was really depressing.

OP posts:
PinkZoid · 22/03/2019 11:02

I think social media has perpetuated a ‘Keeping up with the Jones’’ mentality. People want to show off more and make their lives seem far more amazing than the banal reality.

Seniorschoolmum · 22/03/2019 13:07

Thenoodlesincident I honestly don’t think his fragile ego could cope if a slightly scruffy person like me rejected him. Smile And he was a nice enough man when he stopped agitating.

Being rid of the constant “keeping up with the Jones” pressure is enough Smile

badlydrawnperson · 22/03/2019 13:12

This thread is already turning into a competition of who has the most old things and is the least materialistic.

Surely having a lot of old stuff is still materialistic innit? Wouldn't being non-materialism be having no stuff at all?

TheMightyToosh · 22/03/2019 13:23

I have a good salary and I hate shopping, so I buy good quality essentials like boots and coats and hope to not have to buy them again for 10 years. Does that make me materialistic, if my boots cost a couple hundred pound but I only buy them once per decade? I also like to spend my money on things that make life better or easier, like a good fast laptop, etc.

However, I don't covet designer bags or shoes or home wares, have a 2006 banger of a car, and have holes in most of my favourite jumpers.

I'd rather spend on meals out with the family etc. than on a bag I would be scared to put down.

badlydrawnperson · 22/03/2019 13:26

have a 2006 banger of a car,

2006? That's brand new in my book .....etc

TheMightyToosh · 22/03/2019 13:27

@badlydrawnperson Grin

BloodyDisgrace · 22/03/2019 13:28

Erm. Not the ones dying of hunger or without clean water.

I wouldn't call those who want to compete with neighbours/friends "materialistic", just silly conformists.

I love beautiful (and often expensive) things, and have a few. I don't flaunt them, they don't make me feel superior to some people. I don't know what it makes me ( and don't care) - perhaps, an aesthete?

MaMisled · 22/03/2019 13:33

Completely agree. Dsister met a guy online recently. When I asked what he was like, she said " drives an Audi, owns his own flat, wears expensive clothes...."

Sarcelle · 22/03/2019 13:34

I was materialistic but I am not anymore. Value experiences over things now. I have a lot of disposable income these days (mortgage paid off)but never buy anything. Feel a bit disgusted with my past ways. So wasteful and pointless.

I had to stop looking at Instagram. If you follow Trinny on there, she is the very epitome of excess. So much stuff. Convoluted make up and hair regimes involving masses of products. An intelligent women but so into herself and wastefully materialistic.

NCforthis2019 · 22/03/2019 13:36

Youve polled most of the world have you?! What a ridiculous post. Not eveyone lives on instagram/twitter/fb you know? You are shallow to think most people are materialistic. Maybe you go to parts of Syria, Iraq, Russia, America, Asia etc, see how many people there are boasting about their £300 bins etc. It sounds as though you live in a world of the kardashians... Maybe you keep the wrong kind of company OP.

Rainbowsandsnowdrops · 22/03/2019 13:41

I think you can be materialistic and genuine.

I like clothes, holidays and nice things. I’m also generous and care about my family and friends. I’ve never felt competitive. I love looking at Instagram but don’t really post anymore.

I’m glad my daughter won’t have to grow up doing car boot sales to get by and have to worry about where her next meal is coming from. She’ll probably be a little spoiled but will appreciate everything she has.

BossAssBitch · 22/03/2019 14:00

I grew up with fuck all, it made me depressed. Wanting to have nice things doesn't make someone materialistic.

Now I have a well paid job and am comfortably off I enjoy having 'nice things' so I have a beautiful house and a nice car and go on lovely holidays, I can have the things I went without when I was a child, it makes me happy but I am not materialistic.

Don't tell me that if money was not object, you wouldn't upgrade certain items if it made you life easier / more comfortable.

Strokethefurrywall · 22/03/2019 14:23

Coveting materialistic "things" isn't a bad thing, it's what drives the world's economy, and ultimately what drives humans after all.

Nobody "needs" a car, but they're handy to have. Nobody "needs" multiple pairs of shoes, but we generally all have more than two pairs. Nobody "needs" a house with more bedrooms than people.

One person's need is another's want. I'm fundamentally a materialistic person, I like diamonds and jewellery and top of the range gadgets and my big house. But I'm a really fucking good person. I'm kind, I'm generous, I'm funny, I'm charitable, I'm emphatic.

Being materialistic in and of itself isn't necessarily a terrible thing. It's when you base your self worth, or that of others on having those material possessions, which I most certainly don't.

Ella1980 · 22/03/2019 16:01

Can you be very wealthy and genuinely care about others? I find this hard to accept. I could not, for example, reside in a house with loads of extra rooms knowing that some people are genuinely homeless. Doesn't sit right with me.

Furrytoebean · 22/03/2019 16:07

How many extra rooms are you allowed to have?

I live in a two bed council house, should I give up my second bedroom because we don't 'need' it?

Wealth is comparative isn't it?

Ella1980 · 22/03/2019 16:12

I would say if someone needs that two-bed council house more than another then maybe? So for example if there is a single person in a two-bed house that could swap with a family of five in a one-bed? Not sure how the council housing system works though tbf...

Furrytoebean · 22/03/2019 16:12

Sorry I should have said it's an ex council house