To feel guilty for thinking of introducing formula?

[Babadoooo]

DS (first baby) is 4 weeks old. Seriously struggling with breastfeeding. He doesn’t seem to be getting enough and is constantly throwing up and is never satisfied after a feed. I resorted to giving him a bottle of aptamil last night and he was a different baby. Happy and content and fell into a very peaceful sleep and we probably had the best night yet. He woke to feed in the early hours of the morning and he breastfed.

Aibu to consider combination feeding going forward (ideally one bottle of formula before bed)? My reasons:

• breastfeeding sessions take forever (sometimes 1.5 hours). He never seems to feed completely despite patching on well and tongue tie being ruled out. He just seems to suck and goes mad when he can’t latch on immediately. He’s definitely constantly hungry.
• when I breastfeed he always throws up and I hate leaving him to sleep in wet clothes so the bedtime feeds take in excess of 2 hours most nights when everything is factored in.
• I just feel like I’m failing him by considering formula at this early stage especially when everyone seems to breastfeed for months and months.

I can’t be the only one? I am definitely not depressed and I love everything about being a mum except for breastfeeding which I despise. I don’t find it painful or anything like that, I just hate the fact that I feel it’s spoiling my experience of being his mum and i am obsessed with it.

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.
If the bottle gives you a break for a bit then great, you can give a mixture of both. I did that from early on with both of my DC and was able to breastfeed for 6 months.
Never feel guilty for feeding your baby!!

I know loads of breastfeeding mums who did the evening bottle so mum could go to bed for a bit. I did it for a while just to get a 2 hour sleep first thing at night. Didn't seem to affect supply because she would still be feeding several times a night. Phased it out once I could express more than then entirely when it wasn't needed.

YANBU! Honestly OP, as others have said, it matters so little in the grand scheme of things. We all make different parenting choices - I know mums who BF for 6+ months plus and were adamant that was best, yet now the children are toddlers they eat so much junk food and watch TV all day (which I personally don't do). Different choices for different families.

I BF DS1 for 4 weeks before giving up, but that included at least 1 bottle of formula a day from 2 weeks so he was almost fully on formula anyway when we stopped. I hated BF, he was a "lazy" feeder so I had loads of blocked, painful ducts as he wasn't draining my boobs, and he wasn't sleeping at all. I was so much happier as soon as we switched and he's always slept amazingly and been so content and happy on formula up until we switched to cows milk at 12 months. He didn't even catch his first cold until he was 9 months and is rarely ill now at 3.

I'm currently combi feeding DS2 (3 weeks 5 days), with one bottle of formula introduced for the middle of the night feed after 2 weeks and now a bedtime bottle of formula as well
that we introduced a few days ago. He sleeps so well after his 2 bottles, between 3-5.5 hours at not even 4 weeks old! He's a lovely little thing but nowhere near as content as DS1 was when on bottles as he only wants to be held by me and wants to be on the boob all day if we're in the house! I'm enjoying BF much more this time round but I couldn't have coped without the night time bottles as I find the several hours cluster feeding every evening quite stressful as it is, but at least I know before bed he'll have a bottle of formula that will fill him up.

I don't think I'll stick with combi feeding long term and I imagine he will be fully on formula in a few weeks, but I want to keep going as long as I'm happy doing it. BF is definitely more convenient when you're out, although ready made formula is just as easy (but expensive!) but I actually think at home formula is easier if you have all the gear ie steriliser, perfect prep, as it takes much less time and you know how much the baby has had.

That's what's most important -
YOUR happiness. BF is better than formula in terms of nutrition only. In a few years your child will be eating things off the floor and stuffing their face with chocolate at parties just like all the others, and it won't matter how they were fed for the first 12 months of life!

Thank you SO much everyone. I can’t believe how much useful advice I’ve received here. I think I’ll definitely pursue the combi feeding.

Obviously formula won't do your baby any harm, but it frustrates me how quick people are to recommend formula to women who want to pursue breastfeeding. This causes women's supply to drop and then she ends up in a situation of "I didn't have enough milk to breast feed". Very unfair and causes lots of women who were desperate to breastfeed to feel like they've failed, just because they got bad advice.

OP there is NOTHING WRONG with formula feeding your baby if you want to, but if you want to persevere long term with breastfeeding, it would be a better idea to pump a bottle of breastmilk for your baby to have before bedtime, if a bottle at bedtime is your goal. Formula is NOT more "filling" than breastmilk, that's a myth. So if a bottle of formula settled baby, then a bottle of your breastmilk will do that too.

I pumped from day 1 (I had to - tongue tie), but I'd already had it recommended to me to ignore the six week rule and pump from early on. It sounds like your baby has a little trouble latching to your breast, and your supply might be a little low as a consequence. I can strongly recommend pumping once or twice a day to raise your supply - it worked so well for me that I ended up with a crazy oversupply! Plus it has the benefit of seeing your baby finish a bottle of milk, so you know he's getting it. I can also strongly recommend nipple guards. If your baby will happily drink from a bottle, this really strongly suggests that he'd find it much easier and more efficient to breastfeed through a nipple guard. It makes latching no work at all for them. Good luck!!

Parenting will throw you many curve balls over which you can (and should) tie yourself in knots.

This is not one of them.

There is no certificate for breastfeeding. This is food for a tiny tiny part of your child’s life and I frankly don’t understand the obsession with it.

Just wanted to say that the feeding all of the time bit does not last forever. They do this in the early days but over the next month that will reduce. By month 2 the feeds will become further apart and generally only last 10 mins.

That aside, you don’t need to justify how you feed your baby. Just do whatever feels right.

My advice is to do what makes you happy and don’t feel guilty.

On a side note the documentary on formula that was on tv this week suggested supermarket brand formula is the same as apatamil for a fraction of the price. It was a channel 4 dispatches program if you’re interested in watching it.

Good advice from @WarmCoffee

@Babadoooo have you had much professional support with breastfeeding? They turf you out of the hospital so early in the UK, it's no wonder the breastfeeding rates are so low.

I wish mothers wouldn't give themselves a hard time about how they feed their babies! You are caring for your child. If you despise breast feeding , do something else. It's fine! It's not the law to breast feed.
You are going to be his mum for ever. The early days of feeding are just a small percentage of being a mum. You are responsible for everything to make the expierences good for BOTH you and him, so don't beat yourself up.

DS1 was breast fed initially because i believed the health visitor ( or mid wife, I can't remember which) said babies must be breast OR bottle fed, not both. Turns out that was a big fat lie and that babies ( assuming there's no issues like tongue tie) aren't stupid and can work out how to feed. A lot of other friends were told the same. DS1 ( and other babies) went on to mixed feeds before dropping breast feeds and everything was fine!!

By the way DS1 is now nearly 23,healthy, plays a lot of sport, has been working and progressing in the company since he was 16, so no ill affects from mixed feeds!

Hi OP.

I would recommend getting some real life support if you wish to continue breastfeeding in any capacity, exclusively or combi.

If you introuduce bottles or dummy now it can cause nipple confusion and cpuld end your breastfeeding totally plus at 4 weeks your supply is still being established.

I would seek local breastfeeding support maybe try Google, midwife, lactation consultant or La Leche League great. Your HV might be able to send soneone to visit you at home to look at the latch etc and check if they can optimise positioning.

Breastfeeding is not easy but it's always worth it. There is no need to feel guilty whatever you decide to do.

I am feeding my 14 month old. We have overcome so many hurdles. It is "easy" now in terms of long feeds become shorter as your child grows bigger and can feed more efficiently.

UK Breastfeeding Support fb page is invaluable. No substiture for face to face advice if you are continuing to feed combi or otherwise

Good luck with whatever you do.

I was just like you this time last year. I really hated breastfeeding and we had so many problems. DS did have tongue tie but even when it was snipped he just couldn't latch on. I persevered with nipple sheids till 8 weeks because I felt that it was something I was expected to do and I felt a failure because I didn't really want to. It got to the point that I would cry all the time because I didn't want to do it, he was crying all the time and feeding all the time and I was so depressed and resentful of my DP because he got to sleep and go to work and escape but I was chained to the sofa feeding all day and I was starting to resent my baby. I felt I needed permission to stop and I begged my DP to say it was OK to quit. We introduced a bottle at bedtime first which really helped and then I took the little ready made bottles when I went out and about. Eventually I decided to stop completely and I just went cold turkey. Combination feeding does work but you need to do what makes you happy.

Definitely don't feel guilty - the main thing is to make sure that your baby is fed. If breastfeeding works it is super convenient to not have to sterilise things and carry formula around, but it simply doesn't work for everyone.

Formula fed babies grow up to be totally fine.

I second what others have said above though that if you do want to continue breastfeeding at all, maybe seek out a lactation consultant? I know of a number of friends that have found them helpful.

Thought it was also worth mentioning that the feeds do get shorter as others have said. By 2-3 months my daughter could complete a feed in about 3 minutes. The super long feeding sessions do end.

But still, if formula feeding looks like it will make things easier, do it without guilt!

As others have said, you need to do what is best for you. You absolutely should not feel guilty for doing so at all.
I never wanted to even try breastfeeding, I knew it wasn't for me, so I exclusively formula fed from the very beginning. I never felt guilty for not doing something that I didn't want to do.

Babies get more efficient and their stomachs get bigger with time. I stopped the night bottle (of whatever) after a few months when she started filling up more per feed and settling earlier.

God yeah combination feed. And make it a new policy to not give a single fuck what anyone else thinks about how you feed your child.
Ps it gets easier, I promise.

I struggled too, DD1 wasn't getting enough, despite everyone telling me she was. She ended up underweight, I was knackered, and crying over my breast pump when I should have been asleep. Everyone else in my NCT group was breast-feeding and I felt like crap, it seemed to be spurting from their boobs where I had to pump for half an hour to cover the bottom of the bottle. Once I'd decided I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from me. I have 2 beautiful and healthy children now and it seems weird that I felt so much pressure. Breastfeeding is lovely if you can do it but it's not best for you and your baby then move on.

There's so much guilt around this and it's all bollocks - how wonderful that we live in a time when we have this amazing formula milk that gives our babies all the nutrients they need. I honestly think that if DD and I were around a 100 years ago instead of now then we would have needed a wet nurse or she wouldn't have survived.

OP your child won't get nipple confusion if you introduce one bottle. However you need to be aware that babies often breast feed for comfort including going off sleep so you may want to give the bottle earlier in the day/evening.

Also for weaning purposes and going back to work, keeping the late evening breast feeds may be easier for you.

To be fair I was brought up around women who combination fed as the norm including those who work with babies and young children.

You do what works for you, if combination feeding does, so be it.