To feel guilty for thinking of introducing formula?

[Babadoooo]

DS (first baby) is 4 weeks old. Seriously struggling with breastfeeding. He doesn’t seem to be getting enough and is constantly throwing up and is never satisfied after a feed. I resorted to giving him a bottle of aptamil last night and he was a different baby. Happy and content and fell into a very peaceful sleep and we probably had the best night yet. He woke to feed in the early hours of the morning and he breastfed.

Aibu to consider combination feeding going forward (ideally one bottle of formula before bed)? My reasons:

• breastfeeding sessions take forever (sometimes 1.5 hours). He never seems to feed completely despite patching on well and tongue tie being ruled out. He just seems to suck and goes mad when he can’t latch on immediately. He’s definitely constantly hungry.
• when I breastfeed he always throws up and I hate leaving him to sleep in wet clothes so the bedtime feeds take in excess of 2 hours most nights when everything is factored in.
• I just feel like I’m failing him by considering formula at this early stage especially when everyone seems to breastfeed for months and months.

I can’t be the only one? I am definitely not depressed and I love everything about being a mum except for breastfeeding which I despise. I don’t find it painful or anything like that, I just hate the fact that I feel it’s spoiling my experience of being his mum and i am obsessed with it.

You’re where I was 7 weeks ago... and I gave myself such a hard time for no reason whatsoever. I honestly felt like formula was so bad I may as well have dug some dirt from the garden and mixed it with toilet water to feed my DD. All because of the huge pressure mums feel from almost everyone that “breast is best”. Even when I’d made my decision and spoke to the visiting midwife about it later that day I was made to feel unreasonable for considering formula despite the fact I’d pointed out my issues and highlighted my major mental health concerns and the fact I wasn’t producing anywhere near enough for my DD as all she did all day was scream or feed.

The mums from my NCT class are battling on and winning that battle but they admit it’s been a hard and depressing slog with pretty much all of them really struggling and most of them suffering with mastitis and abscesses. Plus babies feeding every two hours but taking over an hour to feed so the mum isn’t sleeping... I admire their perseverance but they freely admit that they struggled to bond because they felt like milking machines.

My DD was a different baby on formula. She finally slept and stopped crying. She was happy. It was like flicking a switch and I still gave myself a hard time about it. Mum guilt can FOTTFSOFATFOSM!

Don’t torture yourself! Don’t they say that if you look at a playground full of kids you wouldn’t be able to identify who was breast fed and who was formula fed?

Happy Mum = Happy Baby

My baby was formula fed after 2 days. I hated breast feeding - do what's right for YOU!!!

no need to feel one iota of guilt, not a one, feel happy that you are feeding your child in the best way you can, remember FED IS BEST!

Do what makes you and your baby happy. We are lucky to have the option.
Congratulations

Yes YABU to feel guilty. You should be enjoying everything about your new baby and if you're not change it without guilt - if bf is not for you then don't do it.

They are babies for such a short amount of time and it's hard enough being a new mum without adding guilt into the mix. As long as baby is fed no guilt is needed.

You shouldn't feel guilty at all. I combination fed DS1 from day 1. Mostly breast milk but at least one bottle of formula a day. I ended up breastfeeding him until he was almost three, and I loved it, but I don't think I would have made it this long if I hadn't been able to use the odd bottle of formula.

I have just stopped breastfeeding Ds2 at 6 months. He was exclusively breastfed until fairly recently, but I was seriously ill and had to spend two weeks in hospital. My body wasn't able to produce enough milk to feed him and so while I've been in hospital he has been drinking formula. He's healthy, happy (and sleeping much better than on breast milk). I now have to go on long-term medication which is advised against during breastfeeding, so I think that's it this time round. I don't feel guilty - just a little regretful and sad that I'm stopping before I wanted to.

My DS is nearly 7. He was formula fed as I had zero milk supply. There’s so much pressure to breastfeed. In developed counties, with clean water, good nutrition ability to sterilise etcit makes little difference. Like you I beat myself up about formula feeding.

At age 7 there is no way of Earth with out asking the mumsi would know which kids in his class were formula fed. In reality it’s such a small amount of time in bringing up that child. Don’t waste these precious months worrying about something that doesn’t matter.

I’m 43 was formula fed as my mum didn’t produce milk. I’m still fit and healthy, got a good degree/professional qualifications, good immune system etc -so it made jot all difference to me.

Remember fed is best

You don't need to justify yourself to anyone. My HV actually said a bottle before bed is what most people do if they combine feed as that's often when your suppy is the lowest. My newborn was a little sick after feeds (normal), but more often when n dh as he did the burping. The being sick stopped after a couple of months

I choose to formule feed as my sister regrets breast feeding and didnt bond with her dc till she stopped. There were other reasons too. Best decision ever. Dd no def (in fact healthier then her friends who bf) to any other toddler. If you want to breast feed great, if you dont great. As long as baby is feed and you are happy who cares! Just enjoy this time cuddling your new born as it goes so quick. X

I FF from the start with DD1 (5) but tried BF with DD2 (3 weeks). I just couldn't keep up with her and it was draining me.

Went to FF as its what we knew from last time and OMG it's been so much better. You cna share the feeds with your oh and you can see how much they're drinking which made me calmer.

We were in a similar situation. DS was having formula top ups after every breast feed while in hospital to help with jaundice and I feel like if the doctors were recommending that, it can’t be that bad. I then tried to breastfeed for all except the late feed and hated it, it wasn’t painful or anything, I just really wasn’t comfortable doing it. So by 4 weeks he was fully on formula. He is now 10 weeks and is so content, sleeps amazingly and smiles all day. Next time I would formula feed from day 1.

It makes me really angry that the culture in this country pushes bf so hard and makes us feel guilty for feeding babies formula. It’s cruel and wrong and I think causes significant unhappiness in new mums.
Of course your baby will be absolutely fine and totally healthy formula fed. Please don’t feel guilty.
DS was FF and I did feel guilty about it - such a waste of time. He’s tall and healthy and clever.

Not rttt but I’m still breastfeeding at 20 months and still giving a bedtime drink of formula. The bedtime bottle works really well for us and has always helped him sleep better.
I found breastfeeding easier out and about as nothing extra to take with me but have really relied on the bedtime bottle as well.
My ds has cmpa so it’s prescription formula we use.

Many breastfeeding mums I know use formula before bed. Didn’t affect their general supply. It absolutely should not be taboo. It’s totally normal and a healthy positive choice to make.

After advice from more experienced friends, this is exactly what I did. It also meant that I felt a bit more comfortable going out sometimes without baby as if the errand took longer than expected I knew DP could give her a bottle if needed and that made me feel more relaxed (being the sole ‘food’ for a baby is a big responsibility!) No supply problems - kept BF until 10 months.

Give your baby formula if you want to give him formula. Combi feeding is perfectly valid.

But a baby throwing up after every feed is not normal, and I’d want to find out what was causing it, so I’d still see about going to the GP.

My DS had severe tongue tie too and I couldn't breastfeed. Beat myself up royally about it then moved on.

Looking back now, it was the best thing that happened! For a start, your partner can get involved in some feeding sessions, good for his bonding with baby too. Bottle feeding has benefits too, we just don't talk about them very often.

My DS In now 5 and at school, you can't tell who has been breastfed on the playground, it doesn't matter.

I know several bf babies who had a bedtime formula bottle. I combination fed mine. They were fine. I was fine.

Whatever you decide get your baby looked out to find out why he's sick every every breast feed. The same might happen if you switch to formula depending on what's causing the reaction.

I think more mums should mixed feed, people seem to think it has to be 100% breast or 100% formula. Any amount of breast milk is beneficial, if you use a few bottles alongside that's still great for baby.

I ff my first and am bad my second now. At two weeks we started an ounce at every feed to bulk up his weight and I felt the same- guilty and like I was feeding him poison and his weight didn’t improve. Then I was told to increase it to two ounces which basically meant he’d be practically completely formula fed and I said no and persevered. I actually think it was saying no and standing up for myself and removing the doubt and stress that improved everything, suddenly his weight jumped up. So defo happy mom happy baby.

What I will say is your supply at 4 weeks is still establishing and it’s supply and demand, so if you’re cutting out a feed I’d try pump- I was shocked at how quickly mine dipped.so try keep your options open until you decide what to do.

I’d also say the first 8 weeks were horrific, and breast feeding was horrific and then one day it clicked and it was lovely and I love it now.

Hi @Babadoooo

I'm going to go against the tide slightly here and say that If breastfeeding is important to you, you might want to persevere for just two more weeks. Breastfeeding is incredibly hard at the start, but then easier overall in my opinion. The first 6 weeks are really crucial in establishing milk production (which is why babies have evolved to cluster feed for the first 6 weeks). It may seem like your baby is never satisfied but the first six weeks are about bringing your milk in & the production up. Your baby's behaviour is normal.

Giving a bottle of formula while you're still establishing breastfeeding and your milk supply will undermine what you and your babies bodies are programmed to do. If your baby's tummy is full of formula then he won't be suckling and stimulating your supply, your supply will drop and then your baby genuinely won't have enough milk, leading to more formula top ups.

As an alternative to formula, have you thought about expressing and getting someone else to do one feed so you can sleep? I know some people don't recommend expressing in the first 6 weeks either, but I think it's a good middle ground between continuing to suffer as you are and swapping to formula.

That said I don't believe that 'breast is best' at all costs. If you are not coping mentally and emotionally then those are important factors to consider. Just make sure you have all the information and make an informed decision.

It's such a personal thing. For some women, formula is fine. For other women, it will bother them for years that they didn't have the information and support they needed to continue to breastfeed. Only you know how much it will bother you if you can't continue.

Know that it does get easier - I remember having a real wobble about breastfeeding around about 4 weeks too. It’s a hard time. I stuck with it and gradually it got better. The feeding time really does shorten quite quickly. There’ll be on and off in 15 minutes eventually, having taken all they need. I kind of miss those long sleepy feeding sessions now, strangely!

Are you eating enough yourself? I remember the days where I found breastfeeding frustrating were often days I’d forgotten to eat regularly or had only grabbed a couple of mouthfuls for lunch. I really prioritised eating three big meals and snacks (stuff that was easy to prep / slow cooker things / stuff my partner made) and my supply was much better and baby more content.

Also going to a breastfeeding support group was essential for me in those early weeks - I got a lot of confidence and help from the lactation expert there - she was so good

You're doing the right thing :) I combined federal my daughter pretty much from the start and she's now a bright 8 year old.

I hate how it gets so "evangelical" about breastfeeding, they made me feel so guilty and not like a good enough mother.

I'm pregnant again and I've told the midwife already that if I can breastfeeding it's great but if I can't or chose not to that I don't want any comment from them. The breastfeeding gang almost ruined my first precious months of being a mum.

Introducing formula doesn't mean you can't breastfeed for months and months, if it's what you want. Don't feel guilty - it's just a food :) Use it as a tool/option, don't worry about it as a huge moral choice.

I don't agree with a PP's suggestion that expressing will be less detrimental to supply. I think that is likely to cost you more in energy and stress. One bottle a day is really not the end of the world. Expressing is another option for sure but it is just that - an option. And if formula is the one which appeals more to you, go for that.

IME you will only feel guilty when considering it and during the first couple of bottles, then you'll be reassured that nothing terrible happens and feel better. And if you don't like the effects - you can just stop and go back to full breastfeeding. There really is no reason to catastrophise. Supply is just not that delicate. You will be fine.