Aibu for wanting to work?

[Sunny96]

So myself and baby daddy have ended our relationship, but we are still very good friends and want to always remain in good terms, mainly for the sake of our DS.
Since we're going to be moving out shortly, I've been doing the benefits math, and am not happy with the results, and with my current mental state declining from the stress, anxiety and PND, I feel like taking a break from baby a few days of the week, being independent /seeing people /getting out of the house/getting somewhere in life will greatly help improve my emotional /mental state. Aka, find a part or full time job.
Baby daddy is happy to be a stay at home dad to allow me to do this.
However, I spoke with my gran about this, and she thinks it's absolutely horrendous that I might only see my child a few times a week, and that I'm prioritising work, aka my mental stability for the sake of my child, 'over' my child.
However, joint custody is fine, just not if I'm working?!
She thinks a mother should entirely commit to their child, and that I should move closer to them, further away from his father, and live on benefits in a council house for God knows how long. ( not judging, I grew up on a council estate 'raised' by our mother living on benefits)
It's worth mentioning her son is looking after his two kids whilst his recently ex wife works most days, and she only has negative things to say about HER. Yet it seemed like she was saying a father is too incompetent to raise his kids alone?!
Is it so wrong I want to provide for my child and give him the things I never had? For wanting to start a career?
Am I wrong for thinking I should be looking after myself for the sake of my child, if that means I get to see him less?

The child needs looking after, both practically and financially. You’re wanting to provide financially (and obviously some of the practical side) while his dad looks after him. It’s got nothing to do with anyone else how you and the baby’s dad choose to divide parenting, as long as he is being looked after. You and the baby’s dad staying on good terms and each having a good relationship with your child is the most important bit

Good luck job hunting

You should never feel bad about working to provide for your child.

Why does it matter what your gran thinks?

Do what's best for you and your child.

Your gran is from a different generation. Things have changed!

Nobody would bat an eyelid if a man wanted to do this.

If your DS's father is happy to be a SAHP and you want to work then go for it.

You need to look after your own mental emotional and physical well being in order to be the best parent you can be for your child. If you going to work improves any or all of these then it’s in the child’s best interest.

YABU saying 'baby daddy' 🙄

What does she mean "you will only see your child a few times a week"?
If that is the actual case then I think she has a point.

@StoneOfDestiny I'm sorry, I'm new to this site, I don't know most of the abbreviations including YABU... Can you enlighten me please? What should I have said?

@Nearlythere1 meaning I would probably have him three nights, two full days, one half day, one family day and whenever else I could throughout the week (if I end up living close I could still see him every day, if I end up further away, weekdays after work could be difficult, but not impossible) I'd say this is what a lot of single fathers I know do.

What is ‘baby daddy?’

YABU = you are being unreasonable.
My childs' father or my childs' dad - 'baby daddy' is another Americanism we could do without (unless the dad is a baby 🙄) - just my opinion.

Nearlythere1 I'm guessing it means the child's father would be the RP and the OP will have overnights/weekends etc. That's the norm for a lot of separated couples (including myself and exh), it's just usually the woman who is the RP. I don't see why it should be an issue if that's what will be best for both parents and the child.

*kinkyhair' according to urban dictionary ......

it's short for "Baby's Daddy". The father of your child, whom you did not marry, and with whom you are not currently involved.

' baby daddy' always sounds like the guy was just randomly dropping his sperm off to different women across town to me.

Not your gran's baby, not your gran's life, not your gran's business.

Me and exdp had ds 50:50 from when he was a year old. It’s been fine. As he grew older he set what days he was staying when. He’s in university now and still does it!

I think that going to work is one of the best things you could do. You'll gain confidence getting back into the work place, your young one will gain social skills and confidence whilst in the care of responsible others. You'll also be more financially independent, which is incredibly empowering.
Lets look at the kind of advice that 'gran was likely to have received when she was carrying children:
' a pint of Guinness a day when breastfeeding is good for the baby.' erm no....
'Avoid affection and playtime with the baby, you'll spoil them.'
'Don't breastfeed whilst angry.'...erm neglect?
'Not looking good is unfair to your husband.' Fuck him!!!

I'm sure she'll full of wisdom, but times have changed. Women work and we work well! We can have it all ladies! x x x

It's a great idea to work if that's what you want to do. This gives you much more independence, financial stability and good financial prospects for the future.

The main thing though is your mental health as this really is super important. If you have a good relationship with your ex then this will be really really good for your son.

I'm sure your gran loves you but she doesn't know what is best for you and your son and YOU get to make the decisions in your own life.

YANBU. If you're doing shared custody you will be apart from your child anyway and you'll be getting yourself in a much better position from which to be a single parent. I'm assuming your ex is a responsible father so there's no problem.

@StoneOfDestiny I see, well we used to call each other baby daddy and baby momma even whilst I was pregnant, it was more of a cute thing for us. We personally don't see it as a bad thing but I can see how others would. I guess it's just down to personal preference. Do you have any insight in the actual situation as oppose to what I called the father of my child?

If you’re doing 50/50 surely you can both work? 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Yorkshirelady that Guinness one always cracked me up. I worked in a bar for the majority of the time I was pregnant, and I heard that one often when people offered to buy me drinks and I declined. All older gen...
Also,never heard that breastfeeding one!
Good news though, we have since talked and she is much more understanding now. I think either my grandad talked to her (he's good at seeing my side and telling her when she's being unreasonable)
Either him or the ladies at the hairdressers, she was about to walk into an appointment when we were arguing about it. I bet they told her straight and helped her see my side

OP - your gran had her chance to live her life her way. You need to be able to do the same. A baby will be happy if the mum is happy, and when it's at school you will be happy you kept a finger in the job market.
Good luck 👍

Your DS has 2 parents and unlike in your DGrandmother's time, men can and more importantly want to have equal roles in caregiving.
Just because you work doesn't mean your son will be any less loved or cared for.

@Ihavealwaysknown this is the issue, we're struggling to both find part time work that doesn't 'require flexibility' in our area, and that don't need us on the same days. we're very limited on transport currently too,so we have to consider that - we have to make sure we can get DS back and forth to one another without affecting getting to work on time if we end up having to work something like every other day / one of us days, one of us nights etc.
We're still looking though, remaining hopeful...