WIBU stay in one morning to see what happens?

[LoopyLou1981]

I got a promotion a few months ago. This meant increasing my hours but I go in really early so I get to leave a bit early to pick the kids up from nursery.
This means that I’ve left the house before the kids are awake and dh gets them up and dressed and in to nursery.
The thing is, he never hears them if they wake in the night (I believe he’s not trying it on, he’s snoring while I wander around in the early hours putting them back in bed) and, at weekends, he doesn’t wake up when they do in the morning.
He swears that they come into our bedroom in the morning and he wakes up at whatever time and starts getting ready. The problem is, I don’t believe him! Our eldest doesn’t come out of his room in the morning (he sits in bed and calls that he’s awake) and our youngest doesn’t either (she tends to walk into the landing and sit there singing 🙄).
They both get upset (they’re still only toddlers) if there’s no response after a couple of minutes and it breaks my heart to think that they’re waiting however long for him to clock that they’re awake.
WIBU to stay behind and go in late one morning without telling him to see what happens in the morning?
(I suspect that I am but I’m feeling like a crap mum for not being there in the mornings as it is and I want to know that they’re ok)

He's probably being the more effective parent and teaching them to wait as the whole world doesn’t revolve around them. He’s teaching them independence and resilience.

They're 2 and 3 years old. They shouldn't be running round the house unattended at that age!

He's their dad! He does things differently to you! They are safe with him. Go to work and leave him to it. You are lucky to have him there to sort the kids in the mornings for you! Imagine what a pain it would be if you had to do it. Let them do their thing!

It’s weird but it’s definitely possible to have variable levels of alertness during sleep. I don’t have children but I do sometimes look after my nieces and nephews overnight. If i’m staying at my siblings/parents house and the parents of the child are also there i’ll sleep straight through any noise/ stir briefly and go back off to sleep. If i’m responsible for them then any little noise will wake me and i’ll get up.

I don’t know if your dh is the same, but it is possible.

He's probably being the more effective parent and teaching them to wait as the whole world doesn’t revolve around them. He’s teaching them independence and resilience.

Agree. My DD1 came in to us from the minute she was out her cot (younger than 2) as her wee sister was in our room.

My bedside table is full of DCs' books, and toys tend to migrate there as well. We got up and dressed round about them and then saw to them.

The deal is they can come and find us for company before getting up time but they can't expect any actual parenting. If it is still dark and before lights on time then they have to snuggle up and go to sleep. Any hoaching / noise gets you turfed back to your own room.

Why doesn't he use an alarm clock?

They are not safe with him if he's asleep!!!

It's one thing to let toddlers play alone whilst you're awake and alert and will hear straight away if something bad had happened. It's another thing entirely to be asleep whilst they are doing God knows what.

"Don't borrow problems for yourself". Wise words from PP.

They get to nursery fed, dressed and on time. That's fine. If they are learning that just because they are up at 6am, doesn't mean the world has to be and that they can entertain themselves at that time, so much the better.

Trying to, what, hide at home so you can see what happens is a terrible idea. Surely you don't think you can hide in a cupboard until they've all left for the day? You will be found! It will be obvious you don't trust him.

Get him a bloody alarm clock and tell him to use it! He sounds so lazy.

Encourage them to come into your room when you are there and they will do the same when you're not.Of coarse you may not want that
I thinks lot of children do the not wanting you to go to work bit,ex did used to get up with DD but she still glued herself to my leg to try and stop me going to work.As she got older she understood that I came back
.

If you're at the point where you want to set a secret trap for your husband to test whether or not he's telling you the truth then I think the time might be better spent with the two of you sitting down talking honestly about your marriage and parenting responsibilities.

Strongly agree with @PregnantSea on this

Weird. When I leave for work, I hand over the children to dh, close the front door and don’t think about them again, knowing they’re in the safest hands. I only message to remind things like trip money etc. The fact you don’t trust your dh to look after the children is really weird.