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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if you don’t want to see your parent you don’t ask for money off them

65 replies

SapphireBattersea · 20/03/2019 21:38

So my husband has a 22 year old daughter fro his first marriage who he hasn’t seen for ten years (her choice. Very Long story).
This doesn’t stop her messaging him every so often and asking for stuff despite not wanting to see him.

He’s given her loads. Until she was 18 Fully supported her mum child support wise plus £100 a month pocket money and anything else she needed. Just before Christmas we gave her £2000 towards a house deposit

She had a car for her 18th from us plus no end of other money and for all her Christmas and birthdays etc.

Now she has written her car off and is asking for some money towards another one

Am I being a bitch or Is she taking the fuckin piss or what ???!! Personally if I was estranged from my parents for whatever reason that would also extend to not asking for or accepting money / gifts 😡

OP posts:

Ticklingcheese · 21/03/2019 13:01

Could your dh say yes to giving her money, but only when meeting up, eg. Lunch together, perhaps this would work with car installments. This way they could build a relationship. And if she is not interested in meeting, that would be it?

nokidshere · 21/03/2019 13:12

Amazing how because this is a stepchild she should have everything she wants but on the thread about buying your child a car the other day the answer was pretty much that they should be standing on their own two feet at 17

I'm with judge Judy, my children will always be my children whatever their ages and if I were in a position to help out I would. It seems harder because they don't see each other but she is still his child.

nokidshere · 21/03/2019 13:13

Blackmailing anyone into a relationship is probably not the best way to solve this

Ticklingcheese · 21/03/2019 13:18

nokids
I don't see this as blackmail. We don't know the history to this. But I think it could be a way out of 'set ways'. And if she is genuinely not interested, she would stop milking the cash cow.

Starlight456 · 21/03/2019 13:22

I am full of cold and feel rough . Is the timing she stopped seeing dad when you started seeing him?

It sounds like she is trying to stand on her own 2 feet 2 grand towards a deposit Bon a house is not much ( not saying you should of given more simply the sum needed for a decent deposit)

Original poster

SapphireBattersea · 21/03/2019 13:27

Starlight where we live property is cheap she’d saved £2000 and had a small inheritance so that’s all she asked for / needed for a house deposit

For the posters insinuating their lack of relationship is to do with me, it isn’t. I didnt think it was relevant to the question I was asking but FYI I am in regular contact with her we get on fine and meet every few weeks because my children are her siblings. She sees them but not her dad. I’d never tell her direct I think it’s a piss take her asking for money because it isn’t my business.

OP posts:

Original poster

SapphireBattersea · 21/03/2019 13:29

We’ve been together 12 years

She saw him several times a week for the first couple years

Also I wasn’t his first partner after he split up with her mum. I was the first serious one though

OP posts:

Starlight456 · 21/03/2019 13:48

I guess you know the reason why. I have no idea if she thinks she owes him something , the fact she has cut her family off except you and he siblings hard to know .

Did you post a while ago . I remember a sd wanting to see siblings but not her dad and mum was struggling whatvto do?

areyoubeingserviced · 21/03/2019 13:53

Op, you say that she sees you and her siblings. This makes the situation even more confusing. She obviously harbours resentment against her father for some reason.

Funkaccino · 21/03/2019 13:53

So she hasnt cut off his family, she still meets with you to see her siblings.

Original poster

SapphireBattersea · 21/03/2019 13:57

Starlight yes I may well have done (or could have been in another mums group I’m not sure 😳) yes it is Obvs awkward but my kids have every right to see their sister as she does them.

I can’t mention her dad at all to her though.

Funkacino i meant on his side ie his mum dad, brothers, niece nephews his gran etc

OP posts:

BloggersNet · 21/03/2019 14:01

What a sad situation, but you're both pandering to her and enabling her so maybe time to start winding it down, leaving it to her to see her siblings if she wishes and discuss money with her dh face to face like an adult.

Original poster

SapphireBattersea · 21/03/2019 14:32

Yeah it’s difficult bloggers

My kids (Her siblings) aren’t nearly old enough to make their own arrangements to see her but that will come in the coming years I guess.

OP posts:

CloudyTuesday · 21/03/2019 20:14

OP, you seem to have a good relationship with her, what reason does she give for cutting off her dad?

Original poster

SapphireBattersea · 21/03/2019 21:47

she has only spoken to me about her reasons once a few years ago. She said she loved her childhood and that my H was a great dad and that she was a real daddy’s girl. But she can’t ever forgive him for leaving her mum and that her dad never loved her mum enough and because of that her whole childhood was a lie. and all therefore her loyalty lies with her mum. It is that simple. And after she told me She said she never wanted to speak about it again and asked that I don’t bring him up ever which I’ve respected.

Her feelings are understandable ...if I’m honest as sad as it is for DH she’s a damn loyal daughter to her mum 👏

OP posts:

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