to wonder why women say this

[brizzlemint]

IRL and on threads I often see things like 'DH tells me off for....' or 'DH says I can't do....' or, the one that really annoyed me when I saw it 'DH sent me to bed' (which is obviously very weird)

Is this the norm for DH's to tell their wives off or that they can't do something rather than discussing it and agreeing not to?

I think a lot on MNers imagine that most women are victims. This story caught my eye

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-47644765

Sadly there are controlling bullies of both sexes

@Arowana Do you reckon the OP was conflating separate issues? I do think there are women whom are so worn down that if their husband told them not to drink a cup of coffee in the morning they wouldn't and then there are the others whom quite rightly say their husbands don't want to take the kids out of school and spend the next 2 years in a caravan travelling from Nicaragua to Scotland.

When l was 18 l worked in a shoe shop and a woman always asked me if they could bring them back if their husband didn’t like them, l was always a bit saddened by this.

I always wanted to say “why is he going to be wearing them?” But never had the courage.

I want a dog. DH doesn't. Therefore we're not getting one because everyone in the house isn't on board. I can get a dog but all the dogmin would fall to me. I wouldn't say DH won't let me have one, I say he doesn't want one

"My husband says I can't paint the en-suite teal and buy all gold accessories". 🙈 I guess because some things are joint decisions and both our opinions are valid. He and I don't really mean can't in that way either, it's just I might just say to my mum "he said I can't do it teal and gold" but what I mean is he isn't keen on the idea (yet).

I know what you mean though and I was raised in a religion where men were seen as the "head of the household", and while really they were progressive enough to promote equality in the home, there was still an undercurrent of it.

To be honest I've heard more men say these comments about women

I once used my husbands phone to message his best friend as husband had passed out drunk after the two of them had been on a night out and he’d cycled home from his friends house. I saw the message he had sent his friend the weekend before saying that he couldn’t go out cycling with him because I wouldn’t let him, I had said nothing of the sort, he was going to a football match with a different group of friends. Some people use their partner as an excuse to get out of things they don’t want to do.

I think there's a bit of a double standard about this. I might use some of these phrases lightheartedly but neither DH nor I actually think he has the right to order me about. I suspect none of you here would think so either. Yet I know I've seen several threads where people have been advised to make their DH go to the doctor. How can you make someone do something if we all agree that's unacceptable behaviour? I would say "try to persuade him" but never "make him" as I think that's both unfair and impossible.