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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

would you think less of a man who would not date a single mum?

75 replies

theman · 10/07/2007 15:10

just wondering. if a man was going out with a woman and lets say after a couple of dates she told him she had a kid/kids. would you think less of him for ending the relationship?
or would you understand his reasons and respect his personal choice?

OP posts:
ProjectIcarus · 10/07/2007 15:31

i wouldn't. When I was single i wouldn't date men with children.

If I die I also want DH to only get together with a single childless woman who will remain childless.

expatinscotland · 10/07/2007 15:32

Still no go, Laurie.

No big 'un, no me.

Oblomov · 10/07/2007 15:34

Fair enough. Having children changes your focus. You can't give 100% of yourself, as you could when you were single.

LittleBoot · 10/07/2007 15:34

I love the way you're always so militant about that expat

expatinscotland · 10/07/2007 15:34

I was always consistent, Boot .

escape · 10/07/2007 15:35

have a deadline looming do we?

Oblomov · 10/07/2007 15:36

I have never been a step parent. But we can all appreciate that it is hard, and that some people don't want to.

Lauriefairycake · 10/07/2007 15:36
Oblomov · 10/07/2007 15:39

Expat, do they have to be big, because you like giving BJ's so much ?

Oblomov · 10/07/2007 15:40

Expats dh, with his third leg.

expatinscotland · 10/07/2007 15:40

They just gotta be big.

And have no kids .

The second they said they had kids I left skidmarks and the smell of burning rubber in my wake.

LittleBoot · 10/07/2007 15:45

ROFL

Have image of Expat as Penelope Pitstop

whomovedmychocolate · 10/07/2007 15:46

To get back to the OP :

I know a man who won't date single mums because he is a paedophile (in treatment) and he doesn't trust himself. He hasn't reoffended for over a decade but he just won't take the chance.

I know another who said (quite honestly) to his then girlfriend 'I don't actually like children, mess or noise and I need to be able to go away at a moments notice so.....'

In either case I think it's far better that the bloke is honest straight away saving the woman wasting time and emotion on them.

I don't think that's a bad thing though, people just have different priorities if they don't have their own kids.

expatinscotland · 10/07/2007 15:46

As long as they have NO kids.

Separated and living apart, okay. Kids, NO WAY.

Hats off to folks who can handle that, but I knew it wasn't for me.

McDreamy · 10/07/2007 15:48

No I wouldn't think less of him. I would completely understand someone not wanting to get involved with someone with children (I am assuming he hasn' got any). I ended up living with a guy that had a child from a previous relationship and it was awful. The child was beautiful, the pressure his ex partner and the situation put on our relationship was enough to finish it

grouchyoscar · 10/07/2007 16:00

And how do you feel about a bloke who activley sought out single mums as it was an easy option?

I knew one. He said it was easy as the mum's were grateful to have someone for them and when things got tough he could use the xp or the chil/ren as the excuse to call it a day.

Bit of a cad IMHO

Caroline1852 · 10/07/2007 16:02

I think this hypothetical man should be made to have a relationship with a single mum of twin babies and twin teenagers, whether he likes it or not .
I know it is all only hypothetical, but wouldn't the fact that you had children be something you knew about someone before you went on a date - I find that a bit strange!

OrmIrian · 10/07/2007 16:05

No. I would feel the same I think. Other people's kids are great as long as they don't move in with you. Could never be a stepmother. And now that I have my own childre I'm not sure I'd want my kids to have to share me with someone else's children either.

jellyjelly · 10/07/2007 19:07

If i think i am going to get a date or will be asking for one i always mention that i have a child as it does give them a chance to think about running before i give them a chance.

I like dating guys wit kids now they seem to be more understanding.

Snaf · 10/07/2007 19:13

As a single parent, I wouldn't think any less of a man who didn't want to date a woman with kids. However, I am always completely upfront about being a parent, before the first date even happens! It's not information I could 'save', iyswim. I would wonder why she didn't let him know straightaway.

harpsichordcuddler · 10/07/2007 19:14

no, I wouldn't blame anyone for not wanting to take on the responsibility and emotional minefield that would inevitably bring.it is hard enough having your own children tbh.

motherinferior · 10/07/2007 19:17

I'm going to buck the trend and say yes, actually, I would. Certainly if he's over about 30. You cannot expect to date someone, after a certain point, and not have them have baggage. Often that includes children.

FioFioJane · 10/07/2007 19:19

I agree with MI, after a certain age everyone has baggage unless they are still are virgin...hardly likely

handlemecarefully · 10/07/2007 19:22

I think it is a legitimate reason. Like the decision of some couples not to have children. Or am I being simplistic?

motherinferior · 10/07/2007 19:22

Oh god, someone without baggage would be much, much more alarming.

There are some fabulous women out there, who also have kids. Seems silly to shut them off the dating radar.