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AIBU?

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Original poster

'D'P, location on google.

40 replies

SudoWouldnt · 19/03/2019 23:02

I'll try to keep this short.

DP often stays out walking after work, usually for a couple of hours. I used to join him but in recent months I haven't bothered much. It was never a problem, hobby related and I didn't think much of it - mutual friends around, that kind of thing.

Recently however he has been staying out much later, not in touch with me as much when he's out and not nearly as active in our hobby related group chat.

It has been bothering me and I've tried to talk to him about it just saying I'm a bit lonely and wish he was home more in the week but it hasn't made a difference.

He was acting weird tonight, came home much later than usual, despite his mum being round at ours, and barely spoke to me before falling asleep. I know I shouldn't have but I looked through his phone.

I can see that he has been snapchatting a woman who he has a past with - I don't know much about her other than it wasn't a relationship and that they didnt sleep together. I cant see any conversation but I know snapchat makes things disappear sometimes. I can see that theyve been sending/receiving snaps though. Once last year I saw a conversation between them where she was supposed to be attending an event near us and he spoke about getting away from me to meet up with her. He wasnt secretive about it but it wasn't nice to read and he did alot of backtracking about the way he worded things.

I looked at his location history on google and it shows that on one day last week, aside from being at the usual places (home, work, gym) he was at a cinema in her hometown then a takeaway place near there. It also pinned him for a few minutes at a town the train would stop at if he was travelling there.

The timeline is a little muddled and sometimes shows him at work then 10 minutes later appears to be at home but i think this is down to both our phones being linked on the same account so its picking me up at home when he is also at work if that makes sense. Her hometown is the only location in the timeline that neither of us (to my knowledge) have actually been to.

I don't really know what I'm asking. For context, we live together and our relationship has been a bit strained recently but I thought we were happy.

How would you tackle this? Is it possible this is a blip or is it always accurate? I have nobody in r/l i can mention this too, I wish I'd never looked.

OP posts:
MitziK · 19/03/2019 23:05

According to my phone, I'm in Hampshire regularly. Even when I'm sitting on the settee in South London looking at it.

CherryOnTop11 · 19/03/2019 23:11

As someone coming out of a marriage where my not so DH cheated on me multiple times, I may be biased here, but I definitely think there is more to this. My husband started with messages to an old school friend then his location would suddenly get turned off on nights out. Then he progressed to a new woman from work and suddenly was working extra hours and 'fixing her car' etc. I was an idiot and tried to be trusting, after 13 years I thought I could be. I was wrong.

You need to confront him, you deserve the truth, and you deserve better treatment than this, if he refuses, message her, appeal to her female side, that's what I did and I finally got the truth. It killed me, but now at least I can move on never wondering or blaming myself.

Hope you're ok OP XXXX

Hanab · 19/03/2019 23:14

Snapchat location ? Find friends on iphone .. dont they all track your movements ..

Start joining him on his walks ... if he objects or makes excuses you have more clarification somethings amiss ..

Then again ask him outright and don’t give him a chance to fob you off 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
SudoWouldnt · 19/03/2019 23:16

Thanks Cherry. I've just looked back on our group chat and there was no activity from him regarding meeting any of the others that night. Its hard to explain and probably a bit outing but its unusual for him not to arrange any activity with other members.

I don't think he's cheated before but whatever this is he's hidden it from me and that's not right. I dont think appealing to her will work, from past conversations (that I've seen and he knows about) she seems to enjoy attention and sending him sob stories. Not that I'm blaming her for whatever he is up to, but I don't think she'd be much help.

Bollocks. Im fucked if this goes tits up. My daughter (not his) and I will be homeless.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 19/03/2019 23:17

It doesn’t actually matter where he was. If you trusted him it eouldn’t cross your mind to look. So you don’t trust him and that’s no way to live.

Ottessa · 19/03/2019 23:20

My phone continually tells me I am in Paddington, when I’m about an hour and a half from London by train. But as Bertrand says, you don’t trust him, which is the problem.

tartantrewsweddingblues · 19/03/2019 23:20

Do you and your daughter live with him in his house?

Perhaps start to consider where you could stay in the event that he was cheating and you did not want to forgive him.

I think it’s prudent to always have some sort of route out before you make any moves.

I would be suspicious that he’s been pinned at a location in the town she lives in.

Go with your gut on this.

SnapesGreasyHair · 19/03/2019 23:25

Life360 location app was how l caught my now XH at the OW house.

Hope you get it sorted OP Flowers

Original poster
SudoWouldnt · 19/03/2019 23:32

Yes, the fact that I don't trust him speaks volumes I suppose, whether I'm right about this or not.

He can be habitually secretive about trivial things for no reason - things that are genuinely harmless so I'm trying to work out if this is one of those or if its something worse.

He knows I wouldn't like it if they were to meet up even as friends and up until now I've never ever thought he would cheat so I'm trying to work out how far it's gone.

OP posts:
Original poster
SudoWouldnt · 19/03/2019 23:34

I can't think of any other reason at all why he'd be there and not mention it.

OP posts:
Original poster
SudoWouldnt · 20/03/2019 00:36

Ugh, after more digging in his phone (I know) it seems I was wrong. He definitely wasn't anywhere near there, but a friend who often borrows a device of ours probably was.

Explains all the other disjointed bits too.

I suppose I need to work out why I was so quick to doubt him though Sad

OP posts:
radishingravish · 20/03/2019 00:59

Google thinks I’m always in Rochdale when I’m in Scotland

ValeurNutritive · 20/03/2019 01:32

I usually err on the side of caution with these threads, because mumsnet is very quick to jump to a conclusion of infidelity and it sometimes transpires, wrong so.

But the exchange of SnapChat messages and that specific google location history looks incredibly suspect to me (even allowing for the fact that it is far from 100% accurate).

Start looking for somewhere else to live.

ValeurNutritive · 20/03/2019 01:33

Well, ignore me if you've already found an innocent explanation Grin

Blondebakingmumma · 20/03/2019 02:00

Still doesn’t explain why he is contacting her on snap chat and has disappeared for long periods and been shifty with you on return 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
SudoWouldnt · 20/03/2019 02:16

Well I can say with certainty he has not been near her in person, unless she has travelled here which I doubt.

The snapchatting is still worrying though - he used to speak to her on WhatsApp and that conversation seems to be dead now but they are in contact with each other on snapchat instead.

Before I saw that location thing, I was just scared that he was staying out longer to keep away from me, and I wondered where he was going to do that.

OP posts:
Motoko · 20/03/2019 02:27

Why don't you surprise him this week, and meet up with him after work, to join him on his "walk"? Then see how he reacts.

The Snapchat messaging is suspicious, if they used to use Whatsapp, because Snapchat deletes soon after doesn't it? He'd have to remember to delete any messages on Whatsapp.

Original poster
SudoWouldnt · 20/03/2019 03:23

It does, the messages just seem to disappear.

There was a long trail of pictures sent/received but no conversation.

OP posts:
WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 20/03/2019 04:04

People rarely use SnapChat for messaging. It’s mainly for memes, gifs, photos etc.

It doesn’t matter that it turned out he’s innocent, or even if he’d been guilty. What you have done here is violated his privacy and that’s a horrific thing to do to someone you claim to love.

It is unacceptable for you to go through his personal things, and your relationship is a sinking ship because you don’t trust him.

MyOtherProfile · 20/03/2019 04:52

Is it pokemon? Suggest you go with him today.

ScarletBitch · 20/03/2019 05:03

Instead of snooping try have a adult conversation with him. Seriously why do posters ask on here when it's blatantly obvious what you should do?

Pk37 · 20/03/2019 06:50

You said with “certainty “ he hasn’t met up with her but earlier you said it had pinged at a cinema in her home town?
All very bizarre and any secretive chat with another woman is not ok in my eyes

Frenchmontana · 20/03/2019 06:58

According to my phone I am usually in a village about 8 miles from where I live.

But I do find that, when I am on the move, it's quite accurate. I actually had ti get a new phone and get new google accounts as my exh was using it to stalk me through my laptop that he wouldn't hand over. So it has to be somewhat accurate.

Frenchmontana · 20/03/2019 06:59

Also forgot to say. The problem here is that you dont trust him.

You can play all the games you want, find out more stuff go on the walks etc but that wont resolve anything.

OohYeBelter47 · 20/03/2019 07:37

It sounds like he is having an affair (cinema/take away in her home town, plus loads of snapchat and missing hours), make your exit plan i.e where you will live before confronting him.