To be upset my boyfriend has been off the radar

[WrexhamBuxom]

My boyfriend went on holiday/to visit family a few days ago. It was just for a short visit, a few days.

We have been in touch a couple of times, both of which I initiated. He has not messaged me in and of his own doing.

I'm hurt and bothered. Checking in doesn't take very long. A "I'm having a great time, can't wait to see you soon" takes all of a few seconds. And, I am sure there are a few minutes prior to bed each night that he has to himself that he could have time for a quick message. It's not like he is out with his family ALL day, then collapses into the bed at night with no warning.

AIBU? Should I be upset? I am not necessarily worried, though maybe I should be. Just hurt that he seems to be radio silent for now.

Not acceptable. Bin him off.

gosh, you sound needy, Op. just give him some space.

I think I'd reply with "Ah, there you are"

You feel guilty turning over in bed!?! Ffs.
I would imagine it has less to do with the act of turning over and more to do with a mobile brightening the room when it's dark.

Stranger? Um...he’s the one who went away.

He knows he should have been in touch sooner, text back and say ‘ give me a call re the weekend when you get chance’ and see what happens

Hello stranger - also known as I've been away. Why haven't you been messaging me all the time. I'm the big I am and you're supposed to be clingy clingy and reminding me of how great I am aka how much shit you'll take.

Don't take anymore.

The rolling over in bed has everything to do with giving the phone some attention rather than his highness and nothing at all to do with light in the dark room .

Gads some people are really uptight about the phone thing. I couldn’t be friends or stay with someone who would be annoyed at me taking ten mins to make a call or text someone. I don’t need that kind of stress.

OP, he’s just not that into you. I’m sorry that’s harsh but it’s better you know now. I had a long term boyfriend who would go days without getting in touch. It made me miserable. The man I married? We were (and still are) in pretty constant communication. We wanted to hear from each other and enjoyed it.

If he usually instigated contact like you say and you've arranged to be away this weekend then I wouldn't worry. (Ok I would but know that I shouldn't). Just tell him you hope he had a nice time but you missed him.

@GetStrongKeepFighting

But, isn't the fact that I DIDN'T reach out any more, and I didn't message him the whole time, wouldn't that mean I wasn't being clingy clingy as you said, and isn't that a good thing?

Okay the turning over in bed thing....it has nothing to do with the rolling over and it has nothing to do with the light in the bedroom (although I will admit to feeling kind of bad in the middle of the night when I do that) Mostly, it has to do with not being fully present in the moment. His phone is halfway across the house, and there mine is, not even out of arm's reach.

@AnOwlCalledPlop

You very well may be right. A number of other posters very well may be right. It may be any or all of the above. He might not be that into me. He might just be being a guy. He might be thoughtless. We probably do have different communication styles. Or maybe it's a combination of all of it.

call him and talk to him.

Don't read too much into the 'hey stranger' thing.
I use that expression as well, just to mean someone I've not seen for a little while. I use it warmly if that makes sense. Why don't you reply back something like 'Hi sweetie' and then it's up to him what the next text is.

Have you not got back to him?

I did get back to him. I waited a bit and started out very tepid, but I did get back to him.

Here's the scoop:

So, his flight on Tuesday ended up being delayed, and he didn't land until 10:30 pm. Then he had to get home, and put in a long day at work the very next day, and in between there unpack from the previous trip and pack for the next trip. Okay. I get it. He got in, he was tired, he probably went straight to bed. Got up the next day and worked a long day, then messaged me.

I'm just not that way. If I was waiting at an airport all day, like someone else said, I think I would at least take 20 seconds out of my day and be like, "Hey,chilling at the airport, can't wait to see you soon." Or something.

But, then he has to go and be so sweet that....ugh, it makes it hard to be firm.

I'm like you OP. I don't need constant communication but I like to share bits of my day with my other half and check up on how they're doing- days without communication wouldn't work for me. I wouldn't want to disturb on a night out expecting constant texts but if you love someone you'll think of them a bit and can easily find a few moments every day to send some texts. Especially sitting around at an airport.

Sorry. But to me it sounds like you’re just not that compatible and he is not as invested in you as you are in him.

Sounds like excuses to me. He had time to text you, he just didn't want to.

I think it's only nice to keep in touch with an occasional text when one partner is away. My stbxh wouldn't message me much, if at all, on days I wasn't with him and took hours or days to reply to texts where I was asking a question I obviously needed an answer to fairly quickly. It became pretty obvious he didn't think he had to make an effort and that continued into all areas of life such as being a slob, turning my home into a pigsty and not bothering to shower. I think the hey stranger comment is a bit patronising. I have a friend who does that even though they haven't replied to my last message and then say things like "I haven't heard from you for ages" - yes you have, but you didn't reply or answer the phone. It implies you're the one who hasn't made an effort to stay in touch even though that's not true

I never said it was a bad thing that you didn't message. I was pointing out the probable thought process of your boyfriend.

Firm? Are you his mother ?

@GetStrongKeepFighting

Well, he did call me "Mommy" this weekend, so... maybe so.