Friend telling me to 'get a life' - AIBU to tell her to get fucked?!

[HelenLaBloodyAnnoyed]

One of my friends is always lecturing me on how I need to get a life, make time for myself, make the effort to meet a new partner, take time out and so on and so forth. I appreciate the sentiment but the reality is I have an 11 year old who's clingy due to emotional abuse from her father, a 5 year old who has HFA, a 4 year old who is diabetic and possibly has ADHD/PDA, a 1 year old who's still breastfeeding. I work from home at night and make a pittance. I can't work during the day at the moment due to my caring responsibilities and the reality of childcare costs for 4 DC.

I don't like the idea of leaving the DC with a babysitter but even if I did, I can't because of the various issues detailed above. I have no family support at all. It's really beginning to grate on me that my friend keeps telling me all about her trips to the gym, people she's met, nights out she's planning and rolling her eyes like I'm being a martyr when I say it isn't an option for me right now. AIBU to give her short shrift if she starts with the same conversation when I see her tomorrow?

Well then she needs to babysit doesn’t she.

Ask her how she imagines you should do what she suggests. Or say why do you keep telling me to do things I could only do if I had a babysitter which a) I can't afford even if b) I could get one who would be suitable for my children's additional needs

Could you have a bit of "fun" with her? Next time she suggests something ridiculous say " oh yes that sounds a brilliant idea ..." and then ask her, in detail how this could happen. Remember the detail!

Also, do ask her exactly who this mystery babysitter is because you are just dying to know!

She is really lacking in empathy for how you are actually feeling, have you tried telling her? Although to be fair sounds like maybe you feel this way because she is making you feel this way too. I hate this kind of stuff. I had a friend say to me when she had a baby, and I was single and she thought my life needed improving 'oh it's such a shame our lives are in different places right now' - subtext you aren't fitting the mould I need you to fit right now. Later on I was able to be more open with her, boundaries etc., be there as a friend better, but only after I'd pulled back and figured out what I wanted. It was a kind of wierd grieving process to do that. You need to find your 'happy' and if it means some time away from this friend so be it.

And it depends on the friend, above I am talking about a life long friend, we had gone through so much together it felt like cutting off a limb to lose her.