To think he should still pay maintenance if he takes a 'career break'

[PIPERHELLO]

Just that really. He's very well paid (six figs) and planning a career break. I am struggling to find a definitive answer online as to whether he can be forced (by court / Child Maintenance service) to continue paying maintenance if he voluntarily leaves his job.

Thanks.

"It has nothing to do with gender."

Sssshhhhhhh.

This is clearly some kind of discrimination. Patriarchy, innit.

Oh do be quiet Blankscreen.
I am sure the woman had a Very Good Reason for not paying.
There is always a justification for the mother's actions and never for the father's.
Read the memo, and for goodness sake

Blankscreen

Then she is a dick, absolutely.

However before I would agree that it has nothing to do with sex, I’d be interested to know out of the £3.8 billion backlog of unpaid maintenance, how much of that is attributable to women. IIRC 90% of single parent families are headed by a woman, which suggests there’s an awful lot of men not paying maintenence.

catontherun has it absolutely spit on - most particularly for the abusive exs, who use finances to continue control and abuse once the relationship has ended.

Yes yes to cancelling passports.
If you can't afford your kids, you can't afford sunshine and skiing. Period.

*spot on

Patriarchy gets brought into it because the majority of nrp are male and are rarely forced to pay what it actually costs to support their DC. They continue to enjoy complete freedom to live where they want, work as and when they please, enjoy career progression andadd to their pension pots while paying an absolute pittance for their children.
Meanwhile usually female rp has to work around the children (which limits career options) takes the financial and career hit of not always being able to work ft, has the cost and difficulty of childcare and school holidays and when the DC are off sick. She doesn't get to stop paying for the kids and if she did she'd be prosecuted for child neglect. And we have posters on here saying maintenance should be viewed as a bonus ffs, like the kids are nothing to do with him really and are just the mother's responsibility. And all this is enabled by the state.

On what planet is it OK for a father to not pay towards their child when they are rich enough to be able to afford a career break.

The same planet where it is just as OK for a mother to not pay towards their child when they are rich enough to be able to afford a career break.

Surely the answer is, if he's on a career break, he can step up and do a genuine 50% of the childcare, thus negating the need for maintenance.

No one objects to his career break. Only the assumption that it has to be paid for by his ex wife, since no child support = her bills going up.

How many women would actually choose career and nrp over their kids though?

Men don’t have as much of a choice. If both parents are equal in terms of career, earning potential, and both want to be RP, it is the woman’s choice. No court world order against the mother.

Only if the mother chooses not to (barring unfit, dad not full time sahp since birth etc) will dad get RP.

perhaps more dads would step up as RP given the chance. I would hate to be nrp.

And i know women are a smaller %, but i wonder whether fewer women of the total pay up. I know dh’s ex when sdd wanted to live with us stated “i am not paying to have my child taken off me”. Dh just said how does she think he feels?

*Men don’t have as much of a choice. If both parents are equal in terms of career, earning potential, and both want to be RP, it is the woman’s choice. No court world order against the mother.

Only if the mother chooses not to (barring unfit, dad not full time sahp since birth etc) will dad get RP*

If contact goes through the courts, a 50-50 split is seen as the ideal.

@JacquesHammer

You too think more women need to financially provide for their offsping. Thank you.

I'm glad someone has called out those mothers who don't earn money and expect their co-parents to pick up the bills because they're "SAHP".

The fact that this financial burden falls on men is yet more proof of the matriarchy.

@reallyanotherone

Exactly. In our matriarchy, women have the choice to claim support whilst spending time with their children. They also claim that the "system" is against them when they don't earn a lot when returning to work after decades out of employment.

You too think more women need to financially provide for their offsping. Thank you

No sorry. I think there any many ways of supporting a family as part of a partnership when the situation is mutually agreed. That might be in childcare, financially etc*

As above it’s not really a valid comparison is it?

Of course the situation becomes more complex in the case of a split family.

As an aside, I’m on the thread - would you mind not tagging me please? Despite turning notifications off, I still get them. Thank you

This so shocking isn't it. Presumably he won't be living on the street and not eating? He's paying for his own livelihood somehow? So should pay for his child's.

The CMS system needs to put provision in place to stop people (men) suddenly stopping payments and use the common sense that they will have money if they continue to remain alive

But in the matriarchy it's expected that men support the woman while she's at home.

I don't think CMS is about mutual agreement. I assume the OP didn't have mutual agreement with her husband. It was ordered and now she doesn't like the system.

But in the matriarchy it's expected that men support the woman while she's at home

I know more men that are SAHP than women. IME it’s expected the higher earner is more likely to carry on working. Of course that opens another discussion as to whether the male/female is more likely to be the higher earner.

Matriarchy 🤣🤣 do you also believe in Narnia?

I'm glad someone has called out those mothers who don't earn money and expect their co-parents to pick up the bills because they're "SAHP".

They're enabling the man to work by providing childcare this not earning themselves. The fact the salary is on the man's P60 is circumstantial, both parents earn their crust when they have kids no matter what the combination of working/not working. We live in a cheap area where nursery is £50 a day. So if I worked FT that's £1000+ a month. And that's the lower end of the spectrum. And also they're doing a pretty important job of raising a child.

Unless you suggest the parents leave their child in a rabbit hutch all day?

But, I IwannaSeeHowItEnds, it is usually the woman's choice to be the main carer, and and if things go wrong, the RP.
That's what I meant upthread - women can't take a decision to be a sahp or work part time because it suits them, then turn victim when the marriage ends.
If a woman posted on here that she was at loggerheads with her partner as they both wanted to stay at home, how many posters do you think would support the man?

That's what I meant upthread - women can't take a decision to be a sahp or work part time because it suits them, then turn victim when the marriage ends

Actually whatever happens during a marriage has no bearing on whether the NRP should be financially responsive surely?

If a woman posted on here that she was at loggerheads with her partner as they both wanted to stay at home, how many posters do you think would support the man?

I would think a good number would suggest split parental leave, provided the family could afford either parent being off work during their “turn”.

That's what I meant upthread - women can't take a decision to be a sahp or work part time because it suits them, then turn victim when the marriage ends

Ugh you make it sound like the man paying for his family to have a roof over their heads and food in their bellies is a favour on the proviso she always stays in the marriage

the RP doesn't want that (or more likely will state the children don't want it) so is permitted to have choices about how they live their own life.

This is one of the most horrific things. You know your child wants and needs to be with you, the person who has raised her and been there for her since birth. Not her father who has taken a passing interest at best until deciding that becoming rp would be a good way to avoid paying maintenance. And you get accused of just "saying" that to get your way.

And yes I'm massively projecting but I think my experience may be widely shared, from being on mn I get that impression anyway!

It is shit, you still have a child that needs provided for having a career break or not, this is supporting him flunking his responsibilities. You cannot just have a career break as you have to support your child.

"Of course that opens another discussion as to whether the male/female is more likely to be the higher earner."

Does it? It's the man. HTH.

It's likely because of innate cognitive and reproductive differences between the sexes which while small at an individual level will have a large difference when we look at stats. at a population level.

@GunpowderGelatine

Narnia? The place ruled by a Snow Queen? No, dear. It isn't real.

Do you believe in the patriarchy. The system designed by men where they work harder and longer, have less time to spend with their families, die earlier (at work or suicide), do less well at school and university and in graduate work immediately afterwards? Do you also believe in Christareyouforreal World?

"Of course that opens another discussion as to whether the male/female is more likely to be the higher earner."

Does it? It's the man. HTH.

It's likely because of innate cognitive and reproductive differences between the sexes which while small at an individual level will have a large difference when we look at stats. at a population level.

@GunpowderGelatine

Narnia? The place ruled by a Snow Queen? No, dear. It isn't real.

Do you believe in the patriarchy. The system designed by men where they work harder and longer, have less time to spend with their families, die earlier (at work or suicide), do less well at school and university and in graduate work immediately afterwards? Do you also believe in Christareyouforreal World?

Inner I didn't expect my ex to support me when my dd was born. I went back to work after mat leave and he did nothing but moan hence him being an ex that it was interfering with his career prospects when he looked after dd on his days off and I was at work. So I said get lost then and found full time childcare for her. He moved out in a ridiculous sulk that I wouldn't stay home being 'the little woman' and paid barely anything in maintenance, I was left with nothing financially at the end of the month whilst he was living a wonderful life.

I was more than happy to work, it was his choice to winge about it. His loss, she no longer speaks to him because of his vile misogynistic attitude.