To not want DD gaming in all her free time?

[radoxy]

DD is 17 and in Sixth Form. She has a couple of friends there but overall, she isn't very popular/sociable. She comes home, goes straight to game. She chats to a lot of gaming friends but never wants to see any in real life. She has a small part-time job and that's the only other time she goes out. She does her schoolwork but games for maybe 6 hours a day? On school days and about 10 on a Saturday, the Sunday is the day she works, but still fits in around 4-5 hours. AIBU to hate this?

Why do you hate it? Because it's not how you would choose yo spend your time? She is working going to school and performing well by the sound of it. If that's how she chooses to spend her free time and socialise why does it matter?

What’s wrong with it? Would you rather she was out smoking weed, getting drunk and hooking up with a new guy every night like the cool kids?

Yes, she’s doing well as PP have said, but I think it would be good for her to have at least one other hobby type activity - it makes the UCAS form easier to fill in app art from anything else...

Also chill I think that’s a bit of a false dichotomy. It’s not either game for every available hour or smoke pot and hook up with a new guy every night...Lots of teenagers do sport, volunteering, music, art, drama...

Yanbu but I don't think you can do much as she's 17..
It's not how I'd want my kids to spend their time but you'll get the "cool parents" saying its totally acceptable.

What's wrong about it?

She's got a hobby, she's socialising.

Unless things have changed drastically, hobbies on UCAS forms only really have use as something for an interviewer to ask about to break the ice.

The teenagers who do those things though grew up doing those things. They didn’t suddenly start because mum wanted them to get a hobby.

I suspect if she spent 6 hours a day on more ‘worthy’ pursuits like reading it would be ok?

I think it’s a little sad she’s not out and about with her mates like I was (and probably you were) at that age, but then I was getting rat arsed in dodgy pubs. However, it’s not really for us to judge, she’s being social just not in a way we’re familiar with.

PS I game but not online. I’m a lot less sociable than her by the sounds of things!

I wouldn't like it either but at 17.. I don't know what you can do other than talk to her. Does she do any sport? At least she is doing well at school and has a job.

I understand what you are saying.

She is doing well as she's doing her homework, attending 6th form and has a part time job. However spending all your free time gaming isn't healthy.

You wouldn't mind the gaming if she popped out for coffee with a friend here and there. You'd even be happy if she came home drunk after a night out on a weekend.

No you don't want her on drugs or sleeping around. You just want a happy medium.

If she goes to uni it may be that she finds her people. They may be gamers but they will have a common interest and socialise more together.

I think the gamers are her real friends. Read this. It made me cry when I read it.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/disability-47064773

She sounds like a good girl who works hard at school which she balances with a part time job and small circle of friends. I don't see an issue with gaming on top of that. I would be proud

TheBossOfMe - just made me cry too!

I think a lot of us just have to accept that things are very different from when we were young and that gaming is many young people's way of socialising now.

Of course we'd like them to be going out and meeting friends face to face, but unfortunately that isn't the world we live in now. While DS will go to the cinema with friends perhaps once a month and will go to the park on the odd evening in the summer, he does spend a lot more time gaming with them.

As long as he is active and doing his schoolwork, I don't have a problem with it.

Unless things have changed drastically, hobbies on UCAS forms only really have use as something for an interviewer to ask about to break the ice
Chouetted most courses no longer interview, so things have changed. They want a full sense of the candidate from the statement, showing engagement and demonstrating a variety of skills.

6 hours a day of any activity is a lot.

I don't have any teenagers yet.

But my husband plays XBox quite a bit as his best friend lives a few hours away now so once the kids are in bed of an evening they'll play a game online together and chat while doing it. As teens they'd sit round each other's houses and play so it's not all that different. I'm still glad it's a way for him to socialise as he's very shy and finds it hard to meet new people. Maybe that's the same for your daughter?

I can't pretend my DC won't grow up playing games as the consoles are already in the house and it can be really good fun playing stuff together. Also it's a good way to escape for a bit. So I'm assuming it's just the large periods of time the gaming takes up?

Could the two of you do something together a couple of times a week? Go for a swim? Go for a coffee? Do an art/dance class?

@Cardibach Yipes - I did a science subject ten years ago, and they couldn't have cared less about a range of skills (scientists aren't exactly known for being well rounded individuals). They only really cared about if you had the mathematical background to do the course (most people sadly didn't, and had to do a catch-up course when they arrived). It was a very harsh sink or swim environment, and a large drop out rate in first year.

Asking for a range of skills seems designed to filter out the people who will do the best. I very nearly didn't make it in because I did a MFL instead of another science subject, and just wasn't as easily able to get my A.

@cardibach I just checked my alma mater for 2020 entry and an academic interview is definitely still required.

as people have said above, there can be great friendships in the gaming community.

my only worry would be that gaming is very sedentary, and lack of exercise is not good for teens (or anyone).

So if I was to encourage changes, I'd push her to take up some kind of physical activity - don't matter what - just to get moving.

In the 60s all the parents moanded the teens were listening to too much rock and roll. 80s it was too much heavy metal and VHS horror films. 90s too much time wearing black and being cynical. These days it's too much time on games.

Games are social, games ignite imagination, they elicit emotional response, promote problem solving and team work.

choetted I didn’t say there were never interviews! Some places do for all courses. Some courses always have interviews (eg roles in health and education) but most don’t. I’ve been a sixth form tutor for the last about 6 or 7 years and have overseen applications. Most don’t have any interviews, the only info the university has is on the form. You can’t outrun bad subject knowledge with other skills, but if they are choosing between 2 academically identical candidates? You have to believe they are looking at soft skills as evidenced through hobbies/volunteering/work experience detailed in the personal statement.

At least you know where she is and that she's safe I suppose. But I do get where you're coming from. If she were my daughter I'd be a bit worried that she wasn't getting out there and physically meeting up with friends. Is she shy op?

I don't think there is anything wrong with gaming as a hobby, but it's a shame she doesn't seem to do any sport or physical activity, for her future health if nothing else! Has she never shown an interest in any kind of exercise you could encourage? Nothing formal like a class, but just going for a jog or doing some yoga or something.

I was like this at that age because my sixth form friends were boring as fuck, never did anything other than part time jobs outside of college and I didn't have anything better to do.

I went away to uni, met better people and became more social then. Give her time and some encouragement.

Your daughter sounds very much like my younger self. I'm now 30 and I still play the occasional video game but since having a family time is limited but I'm looking forward to my daughter being able to play!

To be honest, I'd be happy with what your daughter is doing, she'll be socialising on her game so she's not alone. It's better than her out drinking etc.

She'll change her ways when she's ready to so don't worry!