Is this ok for a birthday or cheap?

[OverwhelmedParty]

My DD is turning 4 at beginning of July.

I am separated from her dad and her actual birthday falls on his weekend. He won’t let me see her on her actual birthday despite me asking (we’re not on good terms, he blames me for the split and I can’t trust him due to controlling and violent behaviour contact is court ordered so can’t easily be changed).

I can’t really do a party – she’s in a class of 40 at Nursery and due to the way the days fall she would want to invite them all (they have 31 in per day but only 5 full time so they have more children than actual spaces IYSWIM), plus with similar aged friends children I’d need to find somewhere that caters for 50-60 children and the thought of a party that big terrifies me.

So I was planning on asking my friends to meet me with their children at a local “big” park during the week a few days before her actual birthday. It has lots of swings, big slide, lots of climbing frames, and all sorts of other play equipment across 2 playgrounds, there’s also a sand pit. There’s also a field with goal posts for football. I was going to do a picnic for each child and adult and provide cake. And if it’s open buy everyone (adults too) an Ice Cream from the shop.

I’ve worked out even with food and icecreams I can do the whole thing for less than £50, possibly even less. Of course I wouldn’t expect presents at all due to it not being a proper party. It is my DDs favourite park though so I know she’d love showing her friends the different equipment.

But I’m worried it sounds too cheap. Of course it might rain and then we’d have to change plans. The park advertises itself as good for picnics and I’d check with the grounds keeper but can’t see it being a problem (it’s hard to describe how big the actual park is but even if each of my friends bought all of their children we’d still only take up a small area).

AIBU? Or do I just need to suck up paying for 60 children to attend a party? (Trust me when I say most of her Nursery friends would come, another mum had a full class party for their child last weekend and out of 40 38 including the birthday child attended).

That sounds like a lovely idea.
I did something similar for my daughter's 4th Birthday.
We had a party in the park and the theme was "Teddy Bears Picnic".
Each child brought their bear along and I provided the picnic (had a few helpers to help carry all the food!).
There were about twelve parents with their children (most brought siblings along too which was fine).
We spread the picnic out on the playing field and luckily the sun shined for us.
I took along a few outdoor toys like balls, hula hoops, beanbags etc and organised a few simple games (Farmers in his den type thing).
You just need a plan B for if it rains or plan to re schedule.
That's the great thing about summer Birthday's though. All my other children's Birthdays land in autumn/ winter.

"Nursery rules for invites are all of one gender, the entire class or none "

Wtf???

You're "not allowed" to just invite a few kids that the bday kid really wants there?

That really is overstepping imo.

Your plans sound lovely. I honestly wouldn't necessarily even bother with lunch for each child. I would just ask people to pack a lunch for themselves and then you provide cake or an ice cream.

I have never seen a whole class party for nursery. Mine invited 15 friends of her choice. Even a whole class party that size at school would be quite a challenge. Nothing wrong with inviting a few friends and keeping it small. These are usually the best parties. The worst ones I've been to have been the big softplay/attraction ones that are a ridiculous amount per head and are so busy with other parties that you can't hear yourself think and the kids don't even get to interact much because it's just too chaotic and everyone runs off in a different direction to do a different activity. I think that would be a pretty standard nursery party and sounds lovely.

Sounds lovely but how will you manage to feed everyone and buy ice creams for 40 kids plus siblings and presumably their parent/guardians for £50??

That's crazy! What a stupid controlling rule.

This sounds lovely, I might do something similar for my DDs birthday.

feed everyone and buy ice creams for 40 kids plus siblings and presumably their parent/guardians for £50??

My friends, plus their children, me and DD (and possibly my mum) would amount to 10 children and 10/11 adults.

I have never ever come across the idea of 'cheap' in relation to a kids party - it's not a wedding! It is just whatever you want to do - nobody expects anything from a kids party other than an hour or two of playing do they?!

Honestly OP you are overthinking it - I've been to many picnic birthdays for young children - and having summer born kids myself I ALWAYS go for a picnic option!

I love a picnic party - easy/ relaxing - no mess in the house - and pleasant for adults too.

It sounds like my daughter's wedding, and that was lovely!

Sounds perfect!

And you could maybe send in tiny packs of Haribo or whatever the school accepts on the Friday before her birthday, so they can all sing happy birthday to her there.

Sounds perfect! Call it a picnic party, put 'bring a blanket' on the invite, and the kids will have a great time. Also not too daunting for nursery parents who may not know each other and may feel uncomfortable into forces socialising in a Confined space. Winner all round in my book!

This sounds like such a good idea. Isn’t that what parties used to be back in the day? It’ll be nice to have the kids run around and burn energy...then hop them on sugar/ice cream afterward.

This isn’t cheap at all. It’s realistic and doable for you. Well done parenting and not letting your horrible ex control or stymie you!

You have YEARS to do a full class party if you really want one.

There are no rule for kids birthdays, as long as they are happy, it's fine.

I stayed well away from parties until they started reception, there are more than enough years in Primary. Nurseries is the time when you can invite a few friends and little ones of the same age. When they are not in the same class, it can get tricky to invite friends children at later parties.

Don't sweat it, enjoy and don't get sucked into keeping up with the joneses from nursery!

*Nursery rules for invites are all of one gender, the entire class or none "

Wtf???

You're "not allowed" to just invite a few kids that the bday kid really wants there?

That really is overstepping imo*

@diddl I agree that schools/nurseries shouldn’t issue rules but I think these things come about because there is always some idiot parent who doesn’t think it through and invites every child bar one or two. Being left out (by accident or design) is very upsetting for some children and this often ends up having to be managed at school (I guess I’m thinking of slightly older children here). So I can see why some schools try and steer it.

OP your idea sounds great. Make sure they all know it’s not a ‘drop and go’ situation as I can think of a few parents long ago when I was organising that sort of thing who would have scarpered!

That sounds like a lovely picnic party!
Do you have a gazebo that you could put up in case it's a bit drizzly? It looks a bit special too. The kids could eat their picnic under it sat on a blanket. (If you do use one though, make sure you know how to put it up, and preferably have some help before the kids arrive!
You could even do some little party games- pass the parcel using your phone for music, etc. As she gets a bit older, you could turn it into a bit of a sports day event with running and hopping races and egg and spoon etc.
My daughter is nearly 20 now. Can you tell I miss these sorts of celebrtions?

I think this is a brilliant idea. In fact I’m going to suggest it for one of my grandchildren who’s birthday is in the summer. I’ve my fingers crossed for the weather for you.

My DD is going to a 4-year-old's party in the park next weekend. In Australia this type of birthday party for young kids is very common. The set up is exactly as you describe: host is putting on a picnic and cake for adults and kids. We'll be taking a gift since it certainly is a 'proper' party. Why deprive your DD of birthday presents?

@YouokHun

Oh yes, I can quite see why it has come about-although if you knew parents out of nursery & invited just a few kids, I wonder what they would do then?

Sounds nice but what if it rains?

We have done this sort of thing. It worked well. Go for it 😀

W did this a couple of times when ds was small, great opportunity for kids to run wild and then sing happy birthday! As long as the weather holds it should be great!

diddl "although if you knew parents out of nursery & invited just a few kids, I wonder what they would do then?"

Generally they mean "we will play no part in the distribution of invitations unless you invite everyone" i.e. they don't want the invitations handed out on the premises and the children seeing who's got one and who hasn't but don't mind if you want to organise a smaller party and distribute your own invitations off their premises.

I agree with everyone else that it's an excellent party plan. My sister has done a lot of party-in-the-park - in fact often jointly with two other families, and for two of her children at the same time (5 years apart but birthdays near, so two complete cohorts of friends). We've been to a couple of them and they've been great, flexible fun.

Get one of those massive bubble hoops and it sounds like the best party ever.

Sounds a great birthday party to me. Kids will have fun and it won't cost a fortune, everyone's a winner.
If mine didn't have birthdays in the middle of winter I'd do this in a heartbeat!