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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU at this comment....

28 replies

Scootagal · 17/03/2019 20:08

This is quite an old comment but something reminded me of it today and it got me riled again...

I was pregnant and out for lunch with my female work colleagues. One of them started saying she would probably never have kids because....'it would probably have Downs Syndrome, or die inside me'....

Nobody said anything but I was seething at how inconsiderate it was to say in front of someone who was pregnant and also just how ignorant and callous. And also that nobody thought to pipe up to say um that's maybe a bit inappropriate...

Am I being unreasonable in my anger about it or should I have been more thick skinned??

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 17/03/2019 20:12

Difficult to say without knowing why she said it.

Did no-one ask her?

She's probably a bit miffed that no-one bothered asking if there was something wrong.

EcclesThePeacock · 17/03/2019 20:13

I'd imagine no one else said anything because they were dumbstruck, and/or couldn't beat their ears.

Not unreasonable to have been upset about it, but try to let it go now.

EcclesThePeacock · 17/03/2019 20:13

Beat? ConfusedBelieve their ears.

WorraLiberty · 17/03/2019 20:14

Yes but there must've been a reason behind her saying it. People don't just declare that sort of thing off the tops of their heads.

dragonsfire · 17/03/2019 20:14

Is she older? Yes bit strange to say/bring up but maybe she was trying to share something and is upset no one asked?

Maybe but much to be angry about it but I understand you finding it innappropriate

Biancadelrioisback · 17/03/2019 20:15

When did this happen?

WorraLiberty · 17/03/2019 20:17

Not sure about the Down's Syndrome comment but the 'It would probably die inside me', might mean she's had miscarriages before?

StillCoughingandLaughing · 17/03/2019 20:17

It’s a bizarre thing to say - but why couldn’t you have been the person to ‘pipe up’ that it was inappropriate?

ScreamingValenta · 17/03/2019 20:19

My first thought was that she might have had previous miscarriages.

starzig · 17/03/2019 20:21

Sorry, not getting the big offense. She was commenting on herself, no-one else.

Birdsgottafly · 17/03/2019 20:23

If she was a generally nasty person then it's worth getting upset about.

But it might have been her sharing how she felt.

It was probably said without thinking.

Dippypippy1980 · 17/03/2019 20:24

It’s a really odd and insensitive thing to say.

Does she think she is funny? Or is she very young and trying to show off by being controversial. Either way she is an idiot.

Hopefully she regretted her thoughtless words afterwards and is now embarrassed.

greenlynx · 17/03/2019 20:31

It’s a very strange and stupid comment especially in front of someone who’s pregnant. I would think that she loves drama and avoid her a bit.

tangerine23 · 17/03/2019 20:32

She sounds super trashy!!!

Crockof · 17/03/2019 20:37

I'd agree with those saying she has lost ss baby. My good friend does this all the time, it's a kinda of protection for her, like if she makes the joke, says the unthinkable then she is protected. Very few people know the absolute shit she has been through.

mrwalkensir · 17/03/2019 20:45

she was talking about her, not you. Why would you be seething?

Lizzie48 · 17/03/2019 20:47

It was a very strange and inappropriate comment but it wasn't directed at you. I'm not clear why you're 'seething' about it.

nocoolnamesleft · 17/03/2019 20:48

I suspect she's previously had pregnancy losses.

TheNavigator · 17/03/2019 20:50

And also that nobody thought to pipe up to say um that's maybe a bit inappropriate...

That includes you - you didn't say anything so I am not sure why you are surprised no one else did. It sounds a crass remark, but no one said anything and the conversation moved on - let it go?

SlackerMum1 · 17/03/2019 20:54

I’d be more concerned about why she would have said it than be ‘seething’. Doesn’t it seem more likely that she has a personal or family history that makes her think that? And perhaps finds it hard to deal with happily pregnant people? Rather than her having a bizarre dig at you.... in the circumstances it sounds a bit self centred to be ‘seething’ about it.

cadburyegg · 17/03/2019 20:57

YABU

PurpleDaisies · 17/03/2019 21:01

That’s such a weird comment, I doubt it’s come totally out of nowhere. That’s not to say she was right to say it but I bet there’s more under the surface

Lizzie48 · 17/03/2019 21:04

@cadburyegg please say why you think the OP is U?

ItsAMooPoint · 17/03/2019 21:16

I would say she's likely suffered in some way relating to pregnancy. Miscarriages sounds the most likely from what she's said.

It is and odd thing to say but it's the kind of thing I imagine there has to be a reason behind.

Original poster
Scootagal · 18/03/2019 18:04

Thanks all. You might be right but the blase way she said it and a history of other comments in other areas make me wonder. She had said several times she never wanted kids too. Why was I seething? Because another person in the office had had two concurrent stillbirths and I've had several miscarriages and wouldn't think to talk like that in front of someone who was pregnant, knowing as I do that it can be 9 months of pure worry. But that's just me.
Thanks all.

OP posts: