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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not allow my 6 year old to a sleep over?

76 replies

Sherbertfizzer · 17/03/2019 08:44

My dd6 has been invited to a sleepover party and I am shocked. I am completely out of my comfort zone on this one. There's no way I will allow dd to go but I don't quite know how to not offend the mum.
My dd has been in same class as her friend for only a year and I have spoken to her mum a handful of times. The girls mum has said it will be in a months time and that I can even stay too!
I find it very weird and uncomfortable. I have met the girls father twice, he seems ok but AIBU to politely decline? I mean am i the only one to find this all a bit odd? Who knows what these people are into and who they might have over or other parents staying the night.

OP posts:

Hyacintharehighersincelasttime · 17/03/2019 08:45

Rather her than me.
I bet they would all love it though.

Waitingonasmiley42 · 17/03/2019 08:46

Perfectly ok to say no. "Weird and uncomfortable" seems a bit over the top though.

Catscratchclub · 17/03/2019 08:48

Ours have been having sleepovers since reception - usually goes without a hitch but sometimes parents need calling to collect.

Why do you find it weird and uncomfortable though?! Fair enough to be a bit nervous the first time they are away from you, but you are maybe over thinking it?!

FudgeBrownie2019 · 17/03/2019 08:48

Fine to refuse. I'd be honest and say "we're not ready for sleepovers yet".

Hyacintharehighersincelasttime · 17/03/2019 08:48

My dd had a sleepover with a friend, just two of them, and had to come home after one night

but a party sleepover should be ok, not weird.

hidinginthenightgarden · 17/03/2019 08:49

I think 6 is a bit young. I don't think I would be comfortable with sleepovers until they are in Juniors.
I do think you are over reacting though.

JuniLoolaPalooza · 17/03/2019 08:49

The mum won't be offended, just say you'll pick her up after dinner, too young for sleepovers. Simples!

4sausages · 17/03/2019 08:49

6 does seem a bit young. I think mine were around 8 before they started going to sleepovers. I'd ask what the whole sleepover entails- are they going to have tea and perhaps watch a film? I'd so perhaps you could say you think dd us a bit young for a sleepover, but could she just come for the evening? Perhaps compromise by picking her up later than you would normally allow.

Neolara · 17/03/2019 08:53

God, no way would I do this. By agreeing, your committing yourself to hosting a sleepover at some point too. Horrendous prospect. Crying, over wrought, tired kids. Hell! Just say, sorry you don't think your dc would cope with a sleepover at the moment but maybe x would like to come for a playdate.

Meltedicicle · 17/03/2019 08:53

I don’t think it’s weird but 6 is young so I would understand if someone said their child wasn’t ready. At that age some kids have slept away from home loads (grandparents, friends, Rainbows sleepover etc) while others will never have done. I’ve had my Dd’s friend for a sleepover at that age but DD has never slept over anywhere before.

Hyacintharehighersincelasttime · 17/03/2019 08:54

you could make plans for the following day, so you have a good excuse

BlueMerchant · 17/03/2019 08:55

Strange that you are invited too!!
I allowed my DD from the age of 6 to stay at her friends homes if they were families I knew and who seemed happy, friendly and lived locally. I'd often have dds friends round for a playdate before this sleepover so I could see how my child got along with them and to see what kind of child they were if I'm honest.
It's the invite to you that's baffling to me. Was she joking,? Must have been surely.

Booboostwo · 17/03/2019 08:57

YANBU if you think your 6yo is too young to sleep away from home and might become unhappy or stressed.

YABU if you think these parents are maniacs who will abuse and neglect your 6yo during the sleepover.

I suspect the second is the case so you are OTT and the only odd one here is you.

YeahNah1980 · 17/03/2019 08:59

Why are you shocked? The mum probably invited you so you’d feel more comfortable with it. I think your Tracy is completely over the top. The kids will have a ball.

Aragog · 17/03/2019 09:03

Dd has enjoyed sleepovers with friends from being around that age. We knew parents from school and they'd played together at one another's houses generally.
We had sleepovers here and Dd went to other girls' houses for them too.

It was the norm amongst Dd and her friends. Started with closest friends and then extended out. Dd is how a teen and we have others staying over fairly regularly still.

Sleepovers aren't my favourite activity personally - noise, lack of sleep at times, etc. - but many children do enjoy them and the vast majority go off well in my experience.

However, if you or your child isn't ready for them then say so.

But it's not really such a surprise or shock that many children do have them from this age, or to be invited to one ime.

Many of the year 1 and 2 children I teach go on sleepovers.

BrokenWing · 17/03/2019 09:07

Agree with pp, 6 is too young for sleepovers. Ds and his friends started sleepovers around 9 years old, but only with friends where they had already gotten to know their parents by being at each others houses, staying lunch/dinner, going out for day together, being in same footie team and knew the parents from there, going for the evening and being picked up after etc.

No way would I send my 6 year old overnight to a house and parents I/they didn't know.

bonbonours · 17/03/2019 09:11

My eldest first went on a sleepover at that age, it's really not weird or outrageous. But if you or your child aren't ready for that then say no. (sounds like it's just you though, you don't mention how you think your child feels about it. )

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 17/03/2019 09:17

Does no one else refuse sleepovers because of safeguarding issues??

I cannot understand it. I realise it’s fun, but in every other situation parents make sure the Carers are DBS checked, first aid trained, appropriate qualifications, risk assessments done etc. You don’t just go and leave your dc in the care of an acquaintance? Why are sleepovers ok?

Hyacintharehighersincelasttime · 17/03/2019 09:18

Safeguarding?
ridiculous
You have to learn to trust

PregnantSea · 17/03/2019 09:18

What's the problem with her going to a sleepover party with her friends?

Whatever it is, it's important that you're comfortable so obviously just decline the invite if it's bothering you. But I'm not sure why it would?

arethereanyleftatall · 17/03/2019 09:23

I'm afraid I did exactly the same thing for dds 6th birthday. I invited 5 of her friends for a sleepover. Sleepovers were absolutely normal for us from a young age for our children, and I assumed it was the same for everyone.
I got 3 responses of 'sorry my dds not ready for that.' No problem. I learnt quickly, and changed it to a pyjama party. No drama.

Ithinkmycatisevil · 17/03/2019 09:27

DD2 started having sleepovers when she was about 6. however I knew the families of the two girls who's house she slept at quite well. (I worked with one of the mums and am very good friends with the other)
So it was a bit different. I'm not sure id like a 6 year old sleeping over at a relative strangers.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 17/03/2019 09:28

Sleepovers aren't really a thing here yet, my oldest is 8.5

I wouldn't want a sleepover at that age

ThatsWotSheSaid · 17/03/2019 09:36

If you are worried about safeguarding do you let her go on play dates? Genuine question.
It’s an odd one I agree but my dd went in sleep overs at that age. I knew the parents though.

corythatwas · 17/03/2019 09:41

Perfectly fine to say no to something that doesn't suit you or your family. But rather OTT with the weird and uncomfortable thing.

I don't think you'll be doing your dd any favours by treating anything you aren't used to as suspicious. It will be much easier for you to teach her genuine safety if she is used to you as a calm sensible person who doesn't overreact. Doesn't mean you have to allow things, just be brisk and practical about it: "No, I think dd is a bit young, but thanks ever so much for the offer; perhaps otherdd would like to come over for tea?"

Many families do sleepovers, many don't. Brisk and cheerful is the way to go.

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