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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not allow my 6 year old to a sleep over?

76 replies

Sherbertfizzer · 17/03/2019 08:44

My dd6 has been invited to a sleepover party and I am shocked. I am completely out of my comfort zone on this one. There's no way I will allow dd to go but I don't quite know how to not offend the mum.
My dd has been in same class as her friend for only a year and I have spoken to her mum a handful of times. The girls mum has said it will be in a months time and that I can even stay too!
I find it very weird and uncomfortable. I have met the girls father twice, he seems ok but AIBU to politely decline? I mean am i the only one to find this all a bit odd? Who knows what these people are into and who they might have over or other parents staying the night.

OP posts:

Smoggle · 17/03/2019 09:44

My oldest is 8 and we still only do sleepovers with family/close friends/cubs.

It's fine to (politely) decline.

Ohyesiam · 17/03/2019 09:45

Weird and uncomfortable?
Or a normal part of childhood?

brownjumper · 17/03/2019 09:55

We have a rule in our house, no sleepovers before 10 years old. The kids know not to ask, so I don't often have to say no to parents as the kids have headed them off. I want them to be old enough and sensible enough to know when something is wrong.

HolesinTheSoles · 17/03/2019 09:57

I think your reaction is a bit OTT. Lots of 6 year olds are ready for sleepovers and lots aren't. It's not crazy of her to ask and it wouldn't be crazy of you to politely decline.

Drogosnextwife · 17/03/2019 09:58

My 2 don't like staying away from home, DS wouldn't even go to a party during the day yesterday, even if I stayed with him, he still made me take him home. Either tell her your DD doesn't like sleeping over so you will just collect her or tell her you have something on the next day and need to be up early.

blockedoffandfuckedoff · 17/03/2019 09:59

YANBU op.

My DH and I had this conversation a couple of weeks ago. My son is 4 and will be starting school in August (Scotland) and we discussed how we felt about sleepovers. We’ve agreed that he needs to be older before we’ll allow it and even then it will be with parents we know.

I’m happy to be called OTT on this one but as someone pointed out, in every other walk of life you don’t leave your children with strangers so why is this an exception.

Like I said, I’m happy to be called weird or too strict but I don’t disagree with you

WrathOfGrapes · 17/03/2019 10:00

I don't really see the issue here. If you don't want her to go, just say so but I think it would be a shame.

FromDespairToHere · 17/03/2019 10:06

I'm so glad that my DD is older and was a child before everyone got so weird and overprotective. Sleepovers started in yr 1, so when they were turning 6. I feel like I'm talking 100s of years ago but she's only 19 now!

blockedoffandfuckedoff · 17/03/2019 10:07

Btw I’m 34 and my parents were the same as were many others in my class. So I don’t think this anything new.

swindy · 17/03/2019 10:08

Wtf? If I was her dad I'd be outraged at what you are suggesting.

If you don't want to send her don't. But it's not "weird". You are weird for assuming every man is into abusing kids

OpiesOldLady · 17/03/2019 10:09

No sleepovers here. Ever.

And yes, it's a safeguarding thing. I might know the mother/father but I don't know elder brother/uncle/whoever else pops in. I am not willing to put my child in that position. Do I let my child go on playdates? Sometimes, but usually have those at mine or in a soft play. Am I overprotective? Yes. But my kids are the most precious things I have.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 17/03/2019 10:12

My eldest has gone to sleepovers from the age of 7 with his best friend from school and I knew the mum to speak to. He really enjoyed it and I'm glad I let him.
It think 6 is a bit young. My daughter is 5 and she's nowhere near the sleepover stage yet and I wouldn't br comfortable with it. I would be honest and just say you don't think she's ready just yet. Them asking you to stay over is odd though, just say no.

flirtygirl · 17/03/2019 10:13

My daughter did her first sleepover at nearly 8. I would only let my daughter sleep over at 1 friends house.

Every child is different and every family is different. Op do what feels right for you and your child and don't be swayed by others. You know your child best but you also need to be guided by what you are comfortable with as a mother.

goldengummybear · 17/03/2019 10:22

Does your dd go round to play at her friends houses after school? Do you stay too? Do you stay at parties that she's invited to?

It's fine to decline and people do because their child isn't ready, wears nappies at night etc

In my experience it's not weird that this family are hosting a sleepover. If this is a very close friend of your DD's, I'd be asking if she can be picked up say at 8pm rather than stay the night.

StickyShoess · 17/03/2019 10:29

Well this is a weird thread
Sleepovers are a perfectly normal part of childhood
Not everyone is a peado
We’ve had hundreds of sleepovers (in fact I have a house full of 7 year old girls as we speak!) and if anyone said they couldn’t come in case my DP might be inappropriate with them I would go absolutely apeshit - how dare you make such accusations based on absolutely nothing!
Poor kids, you’re raising them to be anxious and scared of everyone

Heratnumber7 · 17/03/2019 10:29

Girls of 5 in Guiding go to sleepovers residential events. They have a whale of a time. YABU

Shelbybear · 17/03/2019 10:33

It is a bit young but I don't think it's weird. I do think it's weird that she said you could stay too but maybe she cld see were uncomfortable with it and wanted to reassure you.

Pretty sure I stayed with my best friend at that age and had a fab time. She had 2 sisters so we all played together, they all shared a room and we had a great time.

Have you asked her daughter if she wants to go? You'll know best whether she wld stay or maybe get upset at bedtime or something.

daisypond · 17/03/2019 10:37

Sleepovers are a normal part of childhood. But six is a little young perhaps and best put off till older - they can be very wearing on the parents and the children often don’t get much/any sleep. There’s lots of good and valid reasons against them but “weird” isn’t one of them.

Stompythedinosaur · 17/03/2019 10:38

It's fine to say know, but I don't think it's weird. My dds are 6 and 7 and have been on many sleepovers, we have also hosted a number which were fine.

I'm not inclined to think that there are paedos lurking around every corner.

ineedaholidaynow · 17/03/2019 10:47

DS would never have wanted to do a sleepover at 6, although some of his friends had already been doing them for a few years by then. We had one of his friends stay over when they were aged 4 as their mum had gone into hospital to have a baby.

His scout group do Beaver camps from aged 6, but he did his first camp with cubs, so aged 8.

I think most of our friends’ DC who did early sleepovers had usually been friends with the other DC since nursery/pre-school and the parents had known each other then too.

I assume you were invited to stay too as they thought that might help your DD stay.

It is hard as your children get older and you have less to do with their friends’ parents and you have to make judgements what you feel safe about. Also how well do you know parents anyway?

MumUnderTheMoon · 17/03/2019 10:54

My dd wanted to have a sleep over with her friend once and I went too. Seems a good compromise but you could just say no.

Drum2018 · 17/03/2019 10:59

I think it's very weird that they said you could stay too. What if all the parents wanted to stay - do they own a hotel??
I'd just decline the invite, no explanation needed. I wouldn't have let my kids on sleepovers outside of family at that age. No doubt I'd have been called at 3am when they woke up wanting to go home

Zoflorabore · 17/03/2019 11:08

Dd is now 8 and in year 3.
When she was 5 she went for tea at a friend's house and the mum called and asked if dd could stay over. We agreed and drove to their house with dd's overnight bag.
I got a phone call at 4.30am asking to pick dd up as she was upset! That was memorable.

She has been on several sleepovers since but has known about them in advance mainly which I think helps. She also isn't pressurised into staying anywhere she is invited to. Whilst we have the final say if she is allowed at a certain person's home, she also has a choice of whether to go or not, for whatever reason.

Strugglingtodomybest · 17/03/2019 11:09

If you don't want your DD to go, that's fine, just say she's too young still, but it's really not weird or odd and I don't understand why you were shocked to receive an invite.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 17/03/2019 11:11

Sleepovers are perfectly normal providing the child is ready for them. With regard to safeguarding issues, is it nit the case that most abuse is carried out by very close family or friends rather than parents of the child whose sleepover it is?

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