To think scouts isn't the place

[Crockof]

Scouts on Thursday, 24 boys and two girls. They spent the whole night talking about periods, showing tampons and towels playing period related games. Aibu to think this is not appropriate, as a girl I would be mortified. There was no advanced warning. Had they spoken about boy puberty as well I would be less concerned

My friends daughter doesn't want to return and all the other boys feel awkward and uncomfortable.

In Girlguiding, the programme is 'girl-led'. That is the girls themselves choose what they do in their meetings. So the young members would decide themselves whether they wanted an evening spent considering periods when they discussed what they would like to do over the next term or so. Presumably, that's not the case in Scouts and they get less control over what they do?

I think it's good be open about periods but at the same time I think it's also helpful to be realistic about the emotional maturity of young teens.

I would have found that an excruciating situation as a 12 year old girl and I think the possibility of the boys making thoughtless remarks ("gross" etc) leaving the girls feeling very self conscious is high.

Yes, boys should learn about periods and there should be less shame associated with periods, but at the same time the privacy and emotions of girls should also be respected.

I think it's a pretty odd topic for scouts but not necessarily a bad one. Frankly, some of the leaders may need a bit of education about periods.

I know of two girls who started their periods while on scout camp. The leaders are fantastic, but very "let's do lots of exciting stuff but don't mention feelings and certainly don't talk about women's bodies because I might actually just die of embarasment". The leaders really weren't equipped in any way to deal with what can't be an uncommon situation. One 11yo girl told the leader who dealt with it by telling her to ask a 13 year old girl to sort her out. The other girl didn't tell anyone because the thought of telling one of these very bloke blokes was just mortifying. Maybe a session of talking about periods might have made these situations easier to handle.

I'd actually be interested to hear how this is handled in guides.

I'd actually be interested to hear how this is handled in guides.

It's a fairly common phenomenon that girls often have their first period at a time when there is a bit of disruption to their normal routine - i.e. going away on Scout/Guide camp can trigger their first period.

I'm not aware of any particular advice for Guide leaders, but I always make sure that sanitary protection is included in my first aid kit just in case.

It's a normal bodily function like breathing or defecating, we need to start talking about things openly and honestly early so it becomes no big deal. Obviously with discretion too . But good on them for talking about it. One of those boys may end up as a lone dad with a teenage daughter and that scout leader could make such a huge positive difference to them. Sorry the girls felt embarrassed but if there are more open talks eventually both me will be embarrassed by normal body functions.

From that FB post: “some found it funny and some found it difficult” - I am going to go out on a limb and suggest it was the boys who found it funny and the girls who found it difficult, given the disparity in numbers. I’d be pretty annoyed by the way they’ve approached this if that was my child.

I agree it helps to be able to talk about these things but I agree with the OP, Scouts is not the place. Especially if parents have not been given the chance to know this was being discussed.
I'd also be very wary of allowing a charity in to deliver something like this without knowing what their agenda might be and again, giving kids and parents the choice to miss it.

I think this sounds great! Let's stop this socialisation that periods are embarrassing and normalise it from a young age. Boys and men need to have an understanding of periods too. I noticed I always try and hide my tampons etc when going to the loo - which is odd as I wouldn't do it with loo roll! This is no coincidence - you and I were raised to think periods were some cloak and dagger experience the men must find out about. Why would you want that to continue for girls today?

And BTW scouts is not a "boys group" and hasn't been for a number of decades

*must not

I was at a science fair yesterday and there was a charity doing some bits on period poverty. Loads of boys and girls were at the stand - why the hell not?

ChilledTeacher - maybe a Cushion-Plumping badge?Lovely

We're very open about this kind of thing at home. Have nonetheless raised two girls who prefer privacy and discretion.
My youngest girl has started her periods only last year and is handling it well but would be mortified to have to talk about it in front of her male friends.
It's a perfectly normal body function and yes, education for all is important. But once again, the question arises about personal boundaries. If someone is uncomfortable - they are entitled to feel that way. It's not necessarily a lack of education.

All this handwringing about a normal bodily function that affects all women and needs to understood by all men who have family, friends or colleagues who are women.

Scouts are plenty old enough to discuss this without parental approval. The best thing we can do for girls and young women is to normalise these issues, not stigamatise them. I have teenage girls and boys, all are very open about periods, and roll their eyes when adults (like their male biology teacher FFS) talk about 'women's stuff'.

Of course it should be a normal bodily function and everyone should be informed and knowledgable.

But girls should also have the right to privacy if they want it. Forcing girls to be more open than they want is as bad as forcing them to be secretive. And it is absolutely fine for girls to want to talk about their bodies in an all female environment.

Doesn’t the very fact that it was so excruciating prove the very point it needs to be discussed? To remove the absolute nonsense surrounding periods among kids?
Also, puberty talks in school are not single sex all the way, just for one part of it.

“Doesn’t the very fact that it was so excruciating prove the very point it needs to be discussed?”

It certainly needs to be discussed. But it might well have been excruciating because some girls were having their sensibilities trampled on in the name of inclusivity. As usual- boys needs came first. It should not be the responsibility of girls to educate boys.

I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad choice of topic for a scout meeting. Being more open about a natural bodily function can only be a good thing.

Yes, traditionally scouts is about camping, hiking, knots etc, and they still do that. However, when my DD was in scouts they also covered other topics such as world religions, politics, poverty etc, and I think that’s a good thing. Now she’s in Explorers, they open their meeting with a discussion on local, national and international news from the last week. Scouts is about so much more than just knots and camping.

That said, I think it was a bit misjudged if no prior warning was given, especially as it’s a troop with only two girls.

I know it's maybe not a popular view but I think some activities (scouts, guides, girls and boys brigade) should be / remain single sex.
I think it's beneficial for the children especially when they're tween/teens.

- i.e. going away on Scout/Guide camp can trigger their first period.

And there was me thinking that ovulation triggered a first period around 2 weeks later.

“Being more open about a natural bodily function can only be a good thing. ”

So long as the group that has that bodily function is happy...🐣

Wha a bizarre random emoji!

I know it's maybe not a popular view but I think some activities (scouts, guides, girls and boys brigade) should be / remain single sex.
I think it's beneficial for the children especially when they're tween/teens

I agree that single sex spaces can beneficial. That doesn’t mean it’s the job of the scouts to provide this if the organisation has chosen not to. Anyone if free to open a boys only club.

So long as the group that has that bodily function is happy
I agree, which is why I think the group should have been given prior warning of the discussion

I think the problem is that adults sometimes forget how pre-teens feel. I'm more than open about my periods (or lack of them now as I've hit the menopause). DS knows what a period is through me, DH and school. We've discussed how some of his girl friends may feel in discomfort when they have their period, others won't. And how it's important to carry on treating his friends exactly the same way. They've developed, like him, but it doesn't make them different to the person they were last week.

But, even I've noticed that DS, who is almost 12 years old, is much more body aware now.

Up until this year DS has always asked us (we've never insisted) to sit in the bathroom having a chat with him whilst he has a bath. Now only dad is allowed and then it's very much teetering on the edge of 'you can leave now'. I always knock on the door if I have to come in (clean towel or he's run out shampoo etc) but he insists that I close my eyes or look away. He's growing up. We do say his body isn't anything to be ashamed of but he's also taught by us and school from an early age that his privates are private (stranger danger). So if they are private he's mortified if they are discussed.

So I can see why girls who haven't had periods for long and boys whose girl friends may be haven't begun yet may find it 'funny' or 'embarrassing'. I'm more than happy to discuss my periods with my adult male friends, male members of my family or even the bloke stacking the shelves in Tesco. But would I have been that confident and happy at 12 years old. No. I learned to do that gradually, with friends and with my mum and dad's support. I'd have been mortified if all those boys were potentially looking at me wondering if I was on my period at 12 years old.

I agree with megabat