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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on this holiday despite saying repeatedly we cannot afford it?

57 replies

hidinginthenightgarden · 16/03/2019 18:55

My siblings have been saying for years that we should return to our fav childhood holiday destination in about 4 years from now. My older sibling in particular has been very vocal about it and when I said we wouldn't be able to afford it without great sacrifice for the next 5 years, said I was being selfish.
Last time this was discussed, my yearly salary was the same as it would cost for me, DH and my kids to go on this 2 week holiday (10k).
At the time I was working part time, we were getting in loads of debt and our parents were financially bailing us out regularly. We argued about it and I made it clear I wouldn't be able to afford it.
For what it is worth, neither sibling has children so it is more affordable (at least for my elder but I think she expects my Dad to pay a good chunk of the holiday- not that she has asked him about it) for them.
Just before xmas I managed to get full time work and we are now clearing the debt and doing much better. I had an accident in the new year and the insurance company have offered us a good chunk of money. DH has suggested we use it as a stepping stone towards taking the kids to Disney. It would cover about 1/3 of the costs so we would need to save up a fair bit more over the next few years, but without this money, we probably wouldn't be able to do it for alot longer, if at all.
Disney is the same value holiday and very similar to the family holiday my siblings want us to go on. I mentioned to DH that it was going to cause an arguement and he said if he is spending that amount of money, he isn't spending 2 weeks with my controlling and demanding sibling. I agree with him, but the arguement is still likely to happen!!
Are we being unreasonable using this money on just us and our kids? I want to do what is best for my kids but am made to feel like I have "chosen them" and neglected my wider family quite often.

OP posts:
sackrifice · 16/03/2019 21:49

For goodness sakes, just tell your sibling you aren't interested in going and therefore will not be going.

Holidaycountdown · 17/03/2019 02:40

Sorry if I missed it but you don’t say what ages your DC are...Disneyland Paris may be a better bet if they are little, all the magic without the long haul, heat or time difference, we went to Orlando twice, SS was 8 the first time and 10 the second and had a much better trip second time around. (DB and I were 12 & 14 first time and had an absolute blast). As far as your sibling is concerned YANBU and if your own little family is your priority then you need to do what’s right for you.

HotpotLawyer · 17/03/2019 03:35

It would be madness to spend £10k and two weeks of your leave on a holiday you don’t want to go on!

Madness to spend that on any holiday you can’t actually afford.

Your sister sounds like a pain.

HotpotLawyer · 17/03/2019 03:46

And yes: clear your debt and have a savings buffer / rainy day fund.

That is the way to look after and prioritise your family.

Kids do not need masses of money spent to enjoy a holiday,

BlackPrism · 17/03/2019 03:53

Disney. It may sound silly but you don't owe your siblings the holiday.... and I've only been to D without kids and LOVE it (try and get free Disney dining - book from around April to get it, it's worth it) so can only imagine the fun with kids. I have incredible childhood Disney memories too.

Decormad38 · 17/03/2019 04:55

I think you should go on a much cheaper family holiday personally. I don’t get how people struggling to get by suddenly then fork out for Disney holidays. But hey you asked!

HeronLanyon · 17/03/2019 05:09

You should do what your own family wants. Your siblings will have to accept you havenless moneynandndifferent priorities.

You can’t easily say you don’t want to go on the sibling holiday because of money and then are off to Disneyland. I think that would be hard for sibling to understand. (Not that it is up to them at all what you spend your money on - it just wouldn’t make sense to them). So I think you need to be really honest and say you’ve got plans for the money you’ve been able to save and will be going on a family holiday for now and can’t afford both.

Btw reading your post well done re money/debt and job situation.

From a distance seems a shame to blow a lot on Disney holiday when it might be good idea to have cheaper holiday and some savings ???

Boring I know but you know best the stress/nightmare of being in debt, and with a young family andnjust when you are getting clear of debt seems a good time to have some cheaper fun and some insurance savings to me. But again your choice !
Good luck.

HedgerowTree · 17/03/2019 05:19

Disney. End of.

Oliversmumsarmy · 17/03/2019 05:46

Wouldn't go on any big holidays whilst you have debts.

Pay everything towards getting clear of debt then you can save for a holiday where you aren't going to be coming back and still have a load of debt waiting for you on your return.

You will feel so much better

ATM you cant afford either holiday

kateandme · 17/03/2019 06:23

I know you might have u heat set on Disney.and it might be just the ftype of family we are buuuuut.expecially if you are struggling I wouldn't bother doing the whole holiday full time there.
we went to france and stayed in a lovely campiste in a mobile home(nice one) for two weeks.and the got up ridiculously early and had the day at Disney.it was more than enough and its waaaay overhyped.
that time in france doing other stuff and staying where we did with lake and pool and lovely scenes was the best ever.disney pailed in significance.and it started a loved tradiotion of thos types of holiday.
AND HALF the price of Disney;

kateandme · 17/03/2019 06:24

but on your question.
do your own things.let her argue.thats one her

HairyToity · 17/03/2019 06:46

Clear your debt. Find a cheaper holiday than disney. Take the children to Disney on Ice or Euro Disney instead if you must.

DH, myself and our two children have had some fabulous holidays just the four of us, and never spent more than £2000 on a holiday.

exLtEveDallas · 17/03/2019 06:51

You can't afford either holiday. No child needs to go to Disney, but adults need to be responsible. You need to pay off your debts, especially as your parents have been bailing you out.

Barbarafromblackpool · 17/03/2019 06:58

Pay off your debts, stuff your sibling.

Arowana · 17/03/2019 07:03

Sorry OP, but I agree with the posters saying not to go on either holiday and find something much cheaper. It's your decision of course, but I simply can't fathom spending so much on a 2-week holiday that you have to use up all of your windfall and save for years as well. No holiday is worth that!

pictish · 17/03/2019 07:39

I agree that both holidays are a waste of good money. I’d not dream of giving Disney a life-changing amount of money either. But then, my desire to go there is zero and my kids have never mentioned it. Anyway...that doesn’t matter, it’s just my (unwanted) opinion about Disney.

Your sister is a bossy boots with little understanding of your position. It really is quite simple. You say no, I can’t consider spending so much money on a holiday of her choosing. She might not like it but she can’t make you can she? What...is she actually going to fall out with you Because you won’t piss away 10 grand on bollocks to please her? She can fuck off if she does.

It is nice that she wants to spend some time being close with her siblings but a long weekend would be far more realistic. Perhaps her heart is in the right place...but her expectations and method is shite.

JenniferJareau · 17/03/2019 07:49

I wouldn't go on either holiday and put the money into savings.

Original poster
hidinginthenightgarden · 17/03/2019 07:50

Thanks ladies. The plan isn’t to go to Disney right now whilst we are still in debt. We will have to save up whilst clearing the debt. If we can’t save enough then we won’t be going to Disney as clearing the debt is a priority. We are looking at going in around 3 years.

OP posts:
AJPTaylor · 17/03/2019 08:02

I think that you are blurring the 2 things.
You need to be clear to your siblings that you have no intention of ever going on the 10k trip ever with them. You have different lives and responsibilities. You will never be able to spend that money to indulge a desire to reminisce about a childhood holiday with them. You have no need to do that and indeed the reality is that going back as adults could spoil your very precious memories of said place.
Then what you decide to do as a family is up to you. If you want to ring fence some money as a start of a holiday fund then do so.
Fwiw in my experience they will never understand. I had vibes from my brother also childless about us finding the money to take the kids to Florida but never to see him in California. He has no actual concept of the expense of moving 5 people around the planet, accommodation and food, what it is like to be a working parent or indeed that a much saved for break needs to factor in some wow factor for the kids.

BanginChoons · 17/03/2019 08:11

Use the pay out to clear the debt. Tell your siblings you can't afford the holiday but would happily go for a weekend away in a cottage. Start saving for a holiday for your family. But there are places much cheaper than Disney which can be great fun.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/03/2019 08:19

there are more adults than children so will be doing what adults like doing Grin
That is really going to work 🙄 and translates as “do as you’re told”. By definition life tends to revolve round littlies to meet their needs. Judging by your mums comments about going to butlins, I imagine your parents didn’t just do “what the adults like doing”. Butlins is great for kids btw. Dd loved it. Your sibling may be an adult but they aren’t yet a grown up. If they have children they’re in for a shock. Are they young?

When you’re ready to go, Disneyland Paris is great. The age to make the most of the Disney characters is around 4-7 so Paris is plenty. Aparthotels if flying. Get ones with a hob in the kitchenette. You can get them close to val d’Europe and swimming pools (outside will be unheated). If driving a better option is camp sites. You can get really nice ones with a restaurant, shop, pool. Probably all in you could do a decent 7 day holiday mainly self catering for about £2.5k.

givemesteel · 17/03/2019 08:28

To be really blunt I think you and dh need to start behaving in a more financially responsible way.

Presumably you got into debt because you didn't have a financial buffer when extra costs emerged, then the minute you get a financial buffer you then plan to blow it on a ridiculously expensive holiday.

I wouldn't spend £10k on a Disney holiday and we could afford it and still have a decent amount of savings.

You can't afford either holiday without being financially very irresponsible, just tell your sister to butt out or give her a budget of what you can afford (eg long weekend for £500) and she can take it or leave it.

By all means go in a family holiday, but go to a really nice one for £2k in Europe like everyone else.

lljkk · 17/03/2019 08:30

How much debt are you in now & how much will you be in after the Disney hol? Coz it sounds like your debt is still high & will go up again on back of the insurance-money-pays-for-holiday plan.

do you still owe your parents money, since they bailed you out so much?

sansou · 17/03/2019 08:31

Agree with the PP. Clear your debt first. Then go on whatever holiday, you, as a family want to go on - clearly not with your sibling!

CountFosco · 17/03/2019 08:38

I agree with everyone else that going on a cheaper holiday and putting the money towards paying off debt and savings is more sensible.

Exactly how similar are the holidays? If your sister wants to go to Universal Studios and you go to Disney instead then I think she will be pissed off6. If you have a cheap week on the Costa del Sol or go to Eurocamp in France (with, as a PP suggested, a day at EuroDisney) then it's clearly a much cheaper holiday. She can't dictate your holiday but a very similar holiday will seem like you are lying about the prohibitive cost and will upset her because she'll think you don't care about her.