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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask dh to use a cpap?

48 replies

FritzDonovan · 15/03/2019 23:11

Dh works away a lot, his current pattern is away all week, back some weekends, but this will be changing next month and he'll e home most nights.
He is overweight, and has snored for as long as I remember. I've bought snoring sprays, etc, which don't really work. He's tried strips, not sleeping on his back, dieting, nothing changes. It wakes me up three times a night, on average. I'm tired for most of the day. There is no spare bed to go to, and a night on the sofa or blow up mattress stuffed in a small floor space in another room isn't that restful - I get woken up when he gets up at 5. 30am anyway and often can't get back to sleep before my own alarm. His snores often sound weird, as if he's stopped breathing for a few seconds. I was previously concerned for his health, but I'm just getting annoyed now, as he's not doing anything about it.

My sister's housemate is also overweight and has been using a cpap machine for a while, which has stopped all this for him. I've suggested dh get one, but if it was down on his medical records, he wouldn't be able to do all the interesting work abroad which he currently enjoys.

Our local pharmacy rents out these machines. No gp required. AIBU to insist he tries one?

OP posts:
Purpleartichoke · 15/03/2019 23:19

The cpap compliance rate is only 10%. Hardly anyone can tolerate using them. If using one risks his career, he would be crazy to try it. Even if it helps, the odds of him using it long term are extremely low.

MitziK · 15/03/2019 23:20

More useful to tell him you'll notify the DVLA and his employer if he doesn't go the GP and get properly diagnosed - Obstructive Sleep Apnoea shortens the lifespan significantly even without killing yourself and others by falling asleep whilst driving or doing the interesting work abroad.

They need to be carefully calibrated for pressure - it's not just enough to stop the mask making farting noises - and a pharmacy renting them without doing anything to look at the other risks inherent in having OSA is bloody irresponsible in my opinion.

Not as irresponsible as your DP, however.

dennispennis · 15/03/2019 23:22

Ywbu to get one from a pharmacy without a diagnosis (wtf!) You need to have settings tested and adjusted for the cpap to work properly.

He needs to be properly checked out and referred to the sleep clinic by the gp.

And with or without a diagnosis he shouldn’t be driving (if that’s the hurdle to working abroad) until it’s under control.

SageYourResoluteOracle · 15/03/2019 23:22

It sounds as if DH may have sleep apnea. He should probably see his GP.

AFAIK c-pap machines can be rather noisy so you'd possibly be replacing one noise with another.

I feel for you though as my DH is a snorer.

FrankiesKnuckle · 15/03/2019 23:26

Yes YABU.

I can't believe a pharmacy would rent these out without a doctors direction, I think you have been misinformed here.
It could potentially be very dangerous to use one! A sleep study would need to be carried out and a pressure set to the need requirement. It's a continuous positive airway pressure device.

A lot of medical equipment is on a rent/hire basis.

If you are that concerned for his Healy and your well-being get him a sleep study.

FrankiesKnuckle · 15/03/2019 23:28

*health

Original poster
FritzDonovan · 15/03/2019 23:29

The pharmacy advises and fits, sleep clinics are also available without him going to his own doctor (he's military).

His career would not be at risk, it just means he wouldn't be able to go abroad, but there is plenty of availability for him to work within this country. No risk to his career even if it were on his medical records.

OP posts:
Original poster
FritzDonovan · 15/03/2019 23:30

Sorry, to be clear, he wouldn't have to change his job, just not for the foreign travel aspects, so would move into a more office based role.

OP posts:
Schuyler · 15/03/2019 23:31

YANBU to encourage him to have a sleep study bu YABU to ask him to just use a CPAP.

Original poster
FritzDonovan · 15/03/2019 23:32

Yes, he should see a doctor about sleep apnea, but he won't because he enjoys the foreign travel. I've mentioned it for years.

OP posts:
Original poster
FritzDonovan · 15/03/2019 23:39

If you are that concerned for his Healy and your well-being get him a sleep study.
And what good will that do if he won't do anything about it?

OP posts:
Bambamber · 15/03/2019 23:39

Does he understand how dangerous sleep apnoea can be if left untreated?

TapasForTwo · 15/03/2019 23:45

"The cpap compliance rate is only 10%. Hardly anyone can tolerate using them. If using one risks his career, he would be crazy to try it. Even if it helps, the odds of him using it long term are extremely low."

What a load of nonsense Hmm

Why does having a CPAP machine preclude him from working abroad? Will he be staying where there is no electricity?

Not using one when he should have one would put him at higher risk.

OH has one. His sleep apnoea was so bad that he was stopping breathing 50 times an hour. He now gets a better night's sleep, he no longer snores, and the machine isn't noisy at all.

He must see his GP. As others have pointed out he needs assessing properly by professionals who specialise in sleep apnoea, not a pharmacist who does this as a sideline.

travailtotravel · 15/03/2019 23:45

Well, his choice is the GP or him sleeping on a blow up in the lounge, really isn't it.
Because if you explain how his snoring impacts you and he chooses to do nothing so he can go on foreign trips, I think he is basically saying he doesn't care about you and your needs. Still, at least you know where you are if that's his reaction.

victoriaspongecake · 15/03/2019 23:47

Try and get him to tackle the weight issue.
If he loses weight he is likely to stop snoring.

Original poster
FritzDonovan · 15/03/2019 23:48

Why does having a CPAP machine preclude him from working abroad? Will he be staying where there is no electricity?
There is electricity, but from what he has told me, you are not medically fit to go to sea/can't use cpap on board.

OP posts:
SusieOwl4 · 15/03/2019 23:48

They.now say sleep apnea can heighten the risk of heat disease and stroke ,. My OH did not take this seriously , until he had a stroke.

Get him to a GP for tests.

Quartz2208 · 15/03/2019 23:51

Travail has it

Spiritinabody · 15/03/2019 23:58

UABVU.
No-one should use a CPAP machine unless they are diagnosed with a specific problem such as Sleep Apnoea. I'm appalled that they can be bought so easily.

Your DH needs a GP referral to a sleep clinic to determine why he is snoring. A CPAP machine won't be given purely to stop someone snoring.

The continuous air pressure keeps the airways open. It prevents them from collapsing which leads to cessation of breathing.

When people have Sleep Apnoea their airways collapse and cause them to stop breathing. Their brain realises this and tries to wake them up by increasing blood pressure rapidly. The person then starts breathing again and it is at this point you become aware of the spluttering sound.
People are treated because of the danger this constant increase in blood pressure has on the heart. Ultimately people just stop breathing altogether if left untreated.

The masks have to fit right and many people experience great difficulty getting one that fits. My family member who had loads of apnoeas per hour gave up as he felt he was suffocating when wearing it.

If your DH does have apnoeas then he must also be feeling tired and may even feel as if he ever sleeps.

You say your DH is overweight and has tried dieting. I would also suggest he diets until he has lost all of his excess weight as, if he carries extra weight around his neck, this can cause both snoring and sleep apnoea.

If he won't go to the GP for a referral to a sleep clinic then could you not wear headphones at night as you are the one being disturbed?

TapasForTwo · 15/03/2019 23:58

My OH had a silent stroke.

OP, your husband is a selfish idiot.

OwlBeThere · 16/03/2019 00:09

I think people are being harsh, the OP isn’t her husbands mother. She can’t make him go to the doctor if he won’t go!
I feel for you OP. I think I’d be taking the stance of he does something about it or he sleeps elsewhere. It’s really unfair of him to ruin your sleep so he can go on foreign jollies

MissConductUS · 16/03/2019 00:30

They now have auto-pap machines that automatically adjust the air pressure based on airflow resistance:

www.sleepapnea.org/treat/cpap-therapy/choosing-a-pap-machine/difference-between-cpap-auto-cpap-bilevel/

So it's no longer necessary to get them programmed to a specific pressure. They run very low until more pressure is needed, then ramp up until the airway opens fully.

DH has a Philips Dreamstation Go auto pap machine. I can hardly hear it when it's in use and he says it's much easier to sleep with than his old cpap machine. It's tiny, so very easy for him to pack when he travels.

www.philips.co.uk/healthcare/product/HCDSG500S11/dreamstation-go-portable-pap-therapy-system

Original poster
FritzDonovan · 16/03/2019 00:34

I'm appalled that they can be bought so easily.
It's all above board and checked out medically and professionally (we're not in UK at present). You obviously didn't read my later post.

I would also suggest he diets until he has lost all of his excess weight
And how am I meant take him do that? I've mentioned it numerous times before, I've read up on SA and relayed the details to him. Still nothing.

I've tried earplugs, which are insufficient and uncomfortable. So I should now wear headphones instead of him doing something about the problem he has? Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
FritzDonovan · 16/03/2019 00:53

Thx owl and missconduct. I'd not deliberately ask him to do something dangerous to his health, which some ppl have implied. Quite the opposite. I'd like him to get his possible SA seen to, as its obvious unhealthy for him, and also myself due to poor sleep!

OP posts:
PomBearWithAnOFRS · 16/03/2019 00:54

Disclaimer: I have not RTFT Grin
I was diagnosed with sleep apnoea, and given a CPAP machine and it was like waterboarding myself every night cos the plastic mask made me sweat. It didn't actually help anyway, and was basically a waste of time and stopped me getting any sleep at all Sad
What did help was being a bit more active. I haven't lost loads of weight, just a stone over a year, but doing more, and taking pains to try and get a "normal" sleep pattern helped. It isn't nearly as bad now as it was before I was diagnosed and actually took responsibility for the mess it was making of my life...
That said, DH and I sleep in separate bedrooms because we both snore, are both still overweight, and quite frankly, that has saved our marriage! (Plus the sneaking around to have sex is actually fun! Grin )